Manage Self, Lead Others: Emotional Intelligence and Leadership for Managers

Leading Again for the First Time, with Dan Silberberg. This is part 6 of Dan Silberberg’s World Class Leader bonus series.

• We don’t see things as they are, we see things as we are.

• Why would I change my myself when that’s been so successful?

If I have certain behaviors, certain ways of seeing the world, certain ways of creating relationship, and I’ve done that for 25 years, and now I’m in a C-Suite role, why would I need to change?

But the world’s changing and changing rapidly. I could find myself with a model and behaviors, with that style becoming obsolete or even extinct.

To view the video version on Youtube visit: https://www.youtube.com/@manageselfleadotherspodcast?sub_confirmation=1

TO CONTACT DAN SILBERBERG

Tell Dan you heard him through Nina Sunday on the Manage Self, Lead Others podcast.

https://entelechy.ai/product/leader-council/

https://entelechy.ai/contact/

https://pages.c-suitenetwork.com/the-leader-council

TALKING POINTS

• Our operating system is the experiences we’ve had, the beliefs downloaded into us from an early age up to about seven or eight, when we had no filter, no analytic mind. Now as we start to look at, how do I align more with who I truly am. We have to take a look at this operating system

• So which part of ourselves is driving the bus?

Sometimes the wounded little guy is driving the bus and sometimes the wise person is driving the bus. It’s moment by moment depending on what’s coming into us from data.

• It’s knowing now who you are, what triggers you

What kinds of shadows do you have, right? What do you want? What do you not want people to know about you? ”If they only knew me . . . ”, then fill in the blank, they would know I’m a genius, or they would know that they don’t want to be my friend.

Which way do you want to look at it? ‘’If you only knew me . . . ’’ is a good one to start with.

ABOUT PODCAST HOST, NINA SUNDAY

Connect with Nina Sunday on LinkedIn HERE: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ninasunday/ You can suggest a guest, ask a question, make a comment.

To subscribe to Nina Sunday’s personal blog go to https://www.brainpowertraining.com.au/ and scroll to bottom of the page to register.

To visit Nina Sunday’s speaker site visit: https://www.ninasunday.com/

You can request a proposal for Nina Sunday to speak at your conference Australia Pacific and globally on either:

• Psychological Safety, and Psychosocial Hazards To Avoid
• Rookie Mistakes New Leaders Make
• Second Curve Thinking: Change Before You Have To

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Leaders harnessing the essence of appreciation are rewarded with higher engagement and trust.

My guest, Avi Liran, has spent a decade researching Appreciation. Fascinated by the power of positivity and ability of words and tone to transform, Avi Liran is a super optimist believing in igniting inner joy, in people’s lives and experiences.

Avi says, “In my workshop, we work a few hours on Appreciation. Each person writes on an envelope the date, they sign, they write their own name on the envelope, and then they put the envelope to the right, and they get another envelope with the name of another person. And then they write for the next person how much they appreciate them, as many things as possible.

And when they receive it, I ask them 2 questions.

One question is, “How do you feel?”

And the second question, “What surprised you?”

Nina, you would be amazed how many people are totally surprised that other people appreciate them. They never knew how much people appreciate them. They thought they were transparent; and that’s wrong, because people do appreciate people.

ABOUT AVI LIRAN

https://www.aviliran.com/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/avizliran/

ABOUT PODCAST HOST, NINA SUNDAY

Youtube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@manageselfleadotherspodcast?sub_confirmation=1

Connect Nina Sunday on LinkedIn HERE: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ninasunday/ You can suggest a guest, ask a question, make a comment.

To subscribe to Nina Sunday’s personal blog go to https://www.brainpowertraining.com.au/ and scroll to bottom of the page to register.

Nina Sunday’s training company website: https://www.brainpowertraining.com.au/signature-programs/ delivering people skills programs face-to-face, Australia-wide on: Leadership, Change, Productivity, Written Communication, Customer Service . . . and more.

To visit Nina Sunday’s speaker site go to https://ninasunday.com/

You can request a proposal for Nina Sunday to speak at your conference Australia Pacific and globally on either:

• Psychological Safety, and Psychosocial Hazards To Avoid
• Rookie Mistakes New Leaders Make
• Second Curve Thinking: Change Before You Have To

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This episode is with Peter Cappelli DPhil, George W. Taylor Professor of Management; Director, Center for Human Resources, The Wharton School; author of “Our Least Important Asset: Why the Relentless Focus on Finance and Accounting is Bad for Business and Employees” https://amzn.to/3P5WTGd

Recently named by HR Magazine as one of the top 5 most influential management thinkers, we speak about wrong thinking when it comes to employee cost and value.

TIMESTAMPS

[2:02] Why do leaders see employees as liabilities instead of assets?

[3:47] Is that a failure of the imagination?

[5:50 ] Replacing my employees with contractors and with leased employees

[6:24] What’s the problem with managers coming from engineering or finance backgrounds?

[11:19 ] But what they don’t track is, are we hiring good people?

[12:20] What money you’re going to give me to make me want to move? And they’re not necessarily more successful than an active candidate. In fact, they’re less successful. That’s an interesting paradox.

[13:15 ] We know that active candidates are people who want to advance.

[13:37 ] For any line manager, middle manager, c-suite manager, your advice would be always advertise for a role?

[14:20] A study compared people who were promoted from within to a job, to those who were hired from the outside into the identical job. People hired from outside took 3 years to get up to speed compared to people promoted from within. And it took people promoted from within 7 years to catch up to the pay of people who were hired from outside. So you pay a salary premium and you suffer a performance hit when you fill those jobs from outside.

[16:31] The other paradox you describe how at the start of the recent pandemic when 70% of office workers were sent home to work, because the feeling was, “We’re all in this together”, employees were trusted to get the job done. And they did because they were trusted. Then came a shift to monitoring software on the assumption that left to their own devices, people would goof off. So, what’s the situation now?

About Peter Cappelli, DPhil

https://www.linkedin.com/in/peter-cappelli-14936a3/

With expertise in industrial relations and labor economics, Peter is a regular contributor to the Wall Street Journal and writes for HR Executive Magazine and Harvard Business Review.

Tune into his show, In the Workplace, on Sirius XM 111, Business Radio Powered by The Wharton School, on Thursdays at 5:00 pm EST, and read his monthly column in HR Executive magazine online.

Author of:

“Why Good People Can’t Get Jobs” (Wharton Digital Press, 2012)

“Managing the Older Worker” (with Bill Novelli, Harvard Business Press, 2010)

“The India Way: How India’s Top Business Leaders Are Revolutionizing Management” (with colleagues, Harvard Business Press, 2010)

“Talent on Demand: Managing Talent in an Age of Uncertainty” (Harvard Business Press, 2008)

“The New Deal at Work: Managing the Market-Driven Workforce” (Harvard Business Press, 1999).

ABOUT PODCAST HOST, NINA SUNDAY

Youtube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@manageselfleadotherspodcast?sub_confirmation=1

Connect with Nina Sunday on LinkedIn HERE: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ninasunday/ You can suggest a guest, ask a question, make a comment.

To subscribe to Nina Sunday’s personal blog go to https://www.brainpowertraining.com.au/ and scroll to bottom of the page to register.

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Stephen Hanman is known as the Trust Whisperer, facilitating teams to create a High Trust Culture.

Stephen Hanman’s work is focused on collaborative high-performance workplaces that consciously build people’s capability.

Economist and Chair of the Board of the Dyson Group of Companies in Victoria, Australia, Stephen Hanman co-authored of “From Me to We: Design and Build Collaborative Workplaces” https://amzn.to/469o21D

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This is a bonus episode – my conversation from The Culture of Leadership podcast with host, Brendan Rogers on the subject of: ”Rookie Mistakes New Leaders Make”. This episode goes for over an hour, so sit back, make notes, and enjoy.

View the video on Youtube here: https://youtu.be/n8OnJZwTc2s?si=BJIGCAoZPtsv2iTm

Discussion Points

• Understand the big picture of your job and focus on culture 
• Build the capability of your team for better results 
• Regularly conduct one-on-one meetings with team members 
• Encourage innovation and ideas within your team 
• Avoid micromanagement and laissez-faire leadership styles 
• Use psychometric assessments to better understand team members 
• Implement effective management strategies for a productive environment 
• Foster camaraderie and manage technology use in the workplace 
• Address performance issues with socially sensitive language 
• Create a second curve by injecting something new into roles 
• Offer choice when introducing new initiatives 
• Harvest good ideas from your team and build capability 
• Learn from past leadership mistakes and grow 
• Use mistakes as learning opportunities for team members 
• Develop leadership skills through various roles and experiences 

3 Key Takeaways: 

1. Confident leaders build capability

2. Confident leaders explore innovation

3. Confident leaders own their self-development

ABOUT PODCAST HOST, NINA SUNDAY

Youtube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@manageselfleadotherspodcast?sub_confirmation=1

Connect with Nina Sunday on LinkedIn HERE: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ninasunday/ You can suggest a guest, ask a question, make a comment.

To subscribe to Nina Sunday’s personal blog go to https://www.brainpowertraining.com.au/ and scroll to bottom of the page to register.

Nina Sunday’s training company website https://www.brainpowertraining.com.au/

To visit Nina Sunday’s speaker site go to https://ninasunday.com/ You can request a proposal for Nina Sunday to speak at your conference Australia Pacific and globally on:

• Psychological Safety, and Psychosocial Hazards To Avoid
• Rookie Mistakes New Leaders Make
• Second Curve Thinking: Change Before You Have To

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Phenomenology is your lived experience of being in the world. Dan Silberberg makes Phenomenology understandable e.g. you might show up with anger, or without much of a voice, or all you want to do is please others.

To become a better leader, understand your own phenomenology, how you show up in the world.

You can view Dan Silberberg’s programs, the 12-month Leader Council or 13-week Leader Program to 2-day workshops, 1-on-1 coaching at https://entelechy.ai/ Go to the Programs tab. (Tell them Nina Sunday referred you.)

TALKING POINTS

 [5:08] The question is not, ”What is the meaning to life? The question is, ”What is the meaning you’re giving to your life?”

 [6:35] Certain people get fired and they’re devastated. The meaning they bring to it is, ”I’m not worthy. I’m not capable. I can’t hold a job.”

Another person’s meaning is, ”I meant to leave. They actually help me to do the business I’ve always had in my heart.” It’s the same event, but it has a different meaning.

 [13:10] Phenomenologically, are you living in your dream or living in somebody else’s? If you don’t build your dream, then you’re helping others build theirs. 

[13:54] Phenomenology describes ’being thrown in the world’’. 

 I got thrown into the family. I got thrown into the parents I got thrown into a great zip code or not-so-good zip code. I got thrown into a particular ethnicity, a particular gender, all these things. I had no say in it.

[34:19] As a leader, as you show up dealing with people, are they arguing with you all the time? Are they silent? Are they just hoping to get away from you? Do they freeze and just let you go and walk all over them? What reaction are they having?

[40:45] I’m looking for 12 – 15 people in a C-Suite role who are committed to the journey to open up and have a life greater than anything they could have imagined.

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Dan Silberberg’s leadership programs start soon:

• 12-month Leader Council – only 12 – 15 individuals in a C-Suite role.
• 13-week Leader program
• 2-day Paradigm Shift workshop
• 1-on-1 coaching

Find out more https://entelechy.ai/ select the PROGRAMS tab.

Working with Dan could be the most exciting professional development of your career – and your life.

To get started message Dan Silberberg via LinkedIn HERE: https://www.linkedin.com/in/dansilberberg/

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ABOUT DAN SILBERBERG

With a Master’s degree in Leadership and Coaching, Dan Silberberg has a storied career as a Fortune 250 CEO leader and business consultant in McKinsey methodologies and partner at AT Kearney.

Having launched 4 startups, and being an expert in driving exponential financial growth and performance, Dan Silberberg now turns his sights onto training the next generation of great leaders.

Video version of this episode 116 on our Youtube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@manageselfleadotherspodcast?sub_confirmation=1

ABOUT PODCAST HOST, NINA SUNDAY

Youtube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@manageselfleadotherspodcast?sub_confirmation=1

Connect with host, Nina Sunday on LinkedIn HERE: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ninasunday/ You can suggest a guest, ask a question, make a comment.

To subscribe to Nina Sunday’s personal blog go to https://www.brainpowertraining.com.au/ and scroll to bottom of the page to register.

Nina Sunday’s training company website https://www.brainpowertraining.com.au/

To visit Nina Sunday’s speaker site go to https://ninasunday.com/ You can request a proposal for Nina Sunday to speak at your conference Australia Pacific and globally on:

• Psychological Safety
• Rookie Mistakes Leaders Make
• Second Curve Thinking: Change Before You Have To

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

“Your psychological immune system is trying to keep you safe; is looking and scanning for threats, and when it finds a threat, it doesn’t mobilize T-cells; it doesn’t mobilize biology, it mobilizes your action. Let’s say, my parents fought a lot; it got intense sometimes. As a kid I realized conflict is bad, and I just don’t want to do conflict. 

”If conflict happens, I can crack a joke. I can roll over, I can be submissive, I can run away. Now I’m starting to build this paradigm similar to the immune system; whenever a conflict happens, I can do XYZ, but I’m not allowed to do ABC.”

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TALKING POINTS

(12:50) Where do emotions come from? Years ago Onno was taught a helpful, simplified framework for how the way we interact with and perceive the world influences our emotional state (and from there, how we react/respond to the world). Getting a handle on how we’re creating our own emotions is more helpful than being at the whim of others, or the environment. As long as you’re not deathly afraid of snakes 🐍 you’ll enjoy this part of the conversation.

(18:20) Emotions are contagious. And guess whose emotions are MOST contagious? You guessed it – the Leader’s. This is why it’s so important

(22:35) We all have a physical immune system, which gets tailored and learns and adapts to our life circumstances. It’s a helpful analogy (by Kegan and Lahey) to think we also have a “Psychological” Immune System getting equally tailored depending on life experiences. Once in place, it allows and disallows certain behaviors. Which is great. . . unless your role requires you to step into some previously “off limits” behaviors.

(31:20) Host, Nina Sunday, shares a formative experience of her own.

(33:20) Practical next steps. Onno shares one idea for a simple next step you can take to get more clear on how your immune system is acting up, and how you can become more of the leader in your life; more conscious, more effective less reactive.

Connect with Onno Koelman

https://www.dynamicleaderdev.com/

Find out more about a workshop in November 2023: ”Paradigm Shift”, led by Onno Koelman and Dan Silberberg.

Free Leadership Circle self-assessment online HERE:

https://leadershipcircle.com/leadership-assessment-tools/leadership-circle-profile/

When you have your results, forward report to Onno and schedule a time to debrief it with you.   

Connect with podcast host, Nina Sunday:

All Nina Sunday sites: https://linktr.ee/ninasunday

Websites: 

https://www.brainpowertraining.com.au

https://www.ninasunday.com/

Podcast videos on YouTube: 

https://www.youtube.com/@manageselfleadotherspodcast?sub_confirmation=1

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ninasunday/

Message Nina, tell her what you like about the show; recommend a possible guest.

Podcast on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?…

Edited by Zane Woollett

Work Cited: Immunity to Change: How to Overcome It and Unlock the Potential in Yourself and Your Organization (Leadership for the Common Good), by Robert Kegan and Lisa Laskow Lahey

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What irritates you about meetings? Do you find meetings time-consuming and inefficient? 

What comes up in our Leading Effective Meetings workshops as a point of frustration is agenda, either no agenda or unclear agenda or one not stating the purpose of the meeting.

Poor meeting management comes up frequently as a bugbear.

Meeting participants want to know whether there’s prep or pre-reading for them to do, the duration of different agenda items, whether they are going to be asked to speak, and so on. It makes sense to add a time duration against each agenda item.

Most common gripes are:

• absence of agenda  

•  agenda not sent before the meeting

• agenda unclear or lacks the objective

What are some common agreements teams decide to adopt?

Agenda structure – is there a best practice?

What’s the biggest no-no about meeting behaviour?

What are some roles to have in a meeting?

How can the team leader minimise conflict?

How can you build capability of aspiring managers?

What causes online meeting fatigue?

What does author of ”Principles: Life and Work”, Ray Dalio, say about meetings?

What is the RACI framework from Project Management?

Listen to all audio episodes of Manage Self, Lead Others on your favourite app HERE: https://link.chtbl.com/-MXiwEWK

View all video episodes of Manage Self, Lead Others on Youtube HERE:

https://www.youtube.com/@manageselfleadotherspodcast?sub_confirmation=1

Edited by Nick Jones

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Ep115 is with Carol Marzouk, the Executive Lion Tamer.

According to Carol, ”We’re all icebergs. We have stuff everyone sees and then stuff that they don’t. The trick is to get underneath the iceberg in a non-invasive way so you understand people’s currency. Even if you’ve been with them for 30 years, you can ask questions like, ‘’You know, I know we’ve worked together for a long time, and shame on me for not asking sooner, but I’ve been thinking about how important you are to me. And I want to know, where do you see yourself in a year?’’

TALKING POINTS

[2:15] What’s the story around how you gained the title, ‘’Executive Lion Tamer’’ please Carol?

[8:50] There are 3 types of aggressive behavior:

·      physical and verbal aggression

·      active aggression

·      passive aggression.

[25:12] Many times we’ll say that person just doesn’t listen. A tool to use is to listen with a pen. You can say, ‘’What you’re saying is so important to me that I’m going to write down as much as I can.’’

[27:44] When you go through the stages of engage and inspire, then the last piece is unite, unite the team. And this is where you really not only have culture by design, you design your culture, bringing everyone together and uniting them as a cohesive team that has each other’s backs. F

[30:43] I should be asking them about where they want to head in their career.

You ask them, what are your motivators?

What gets you excited?

How do you like to learn?

How do you like to complete projects?

Do you like to be told step by step or told just the outcome and then you figure out the how?

It’s having these dialogues to get underneath the surface and make people feel valued.

CONTACT CAROL MARZOUK 

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/carol-marzouk-the-executive-lion-tamer®️-4bb750

Website: https://leadershipnsoul.com/

ABOUT PODCAST HOST, NINA SUNDAY

Youtube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@manageselfleadotherspodcast?sub_confirmation=1

Connect with host, Nina Sunday on LinkedIn HERE: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ninasunday/ You can suggest a guest, ask a question, make a comment.

To subscribe to Nina Sunday’s personal blog go to https://www.brainpowertraining.com.au/ and scroll to bottom of the page to register.

Nina Sunday’s training company website https://www.brainpowertraining.com.au/

To visit Nina Sunday’s speaker site go to https://ninasunday.com/ You can request a proposal for Nina Sunday to speak at your conference Australia Pacific and globally on:

• Psychological Safety

• Rookie Mistakes Leaders Make

• Second Curve Thinking: Change Before You Have To

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

113 ”Showing Up As Yourself Leadership”, Lynell Green with Nina Sunday

(14:60) My coaching style is that people discover the next level of their leadership. Do you want to be a, a leader in this organization? What does that look like to you?

What are you currently doing and what do you see for the future and what I consider where I spend most of my time with my clients is in that gap.

And then we create a working strategy on how they’re going to get the experiences they need and who they need to talk to. Every person, whether you’re the janitor or the CEO, has to be responsible for the ecosystem of all the people that are influencing your job.

(6.40) You have to actually shine brighter to be seen, not get behind somebody and hide behind their brightness. It doesn’t work that way.

(7:44) What’s classic avoiding behavior?

(14:30) You want to be responsible for putting something in your toolkit. So when those recurring issues show up, you have tools there to use for yourself and not weapons against somebody; but tools.

(20:44) Stu Brody, “The Law of Small Things: Creating a Habit of Integrity in a Culture of Mistrust.” (2019) https://amzn.to/3ZymzPz

Listen to Stu Brody’s episode 30 on Manage Self, Lead Others here: https://youtu.be/sEZOySOo2U0

(21:10) Q. Have you come across leaders who forgive themselves operate with lack of integrity, yet don’t really realize that is not good?

A. Termites are little things; they can eat the house. If you allow those termites, what you consider to be white lies, they will continue to multiply and erode your confidence, because you’re not going to remember every lie you told.

(22:33)

To vote in Nina’s poll on toxic behaviours, go here: https://poll.fm/10150676

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Connect with Lynell Renee Green

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Welcome to the “Manage Self, Lead Others” leadership podcast with Nina Sunday for experienced and aspiring people managers. This show helps you explore ways to become a more intentional leader. To listen to this episode on your favourite audio app, go HERE:

https://link.chtbl.com/-MXiwEWK

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Connect with Lynell Renee Green

Global Transformational Speaker – Engaging Leadership Workshop Facilitator – Executive Coach for Authentic Leadership

Vallejo, California, United States  

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lynellgreen/

Website: https://lynellsplace.com/

This podcast episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/gVO1FhOS2kM

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Connect with podcast host, Nina Sunday

Linktree: https://linktr.ee/ninasunday

Websites: https://www.brainpowertraining.com.au/signature-programs | https://www.ninasunday.com/

Podcast videos on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@manageselfleadotherspodcast?sub_confirmation=1

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ninasunday/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100086888352865

Edited by Zane Woollett

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