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How to Avoid Conflict – Part 2

In my previous blog, we looked at the difference between “Listening Wrong” and “Listening Right” as a part of “Listening to Understand,” a fundamental principle in laying the ground work to have a potentially difficult conversation in a way that is constructive rather than combative.

Now, let’s look at strategies for when it’s your turn to talk, after you have successfully demonstrated listening to understand. 

Once the other person has finished sharing their perspective, don’t sabotage the exchange by launching into a “now it’s my turn to talk and your turn to listen” monologue. Remember that you entered the conversation with the initial goal of understanding their perspective. So the first step you need to take in line with this goal is to confirm your understanding.

A great segue can be as simple as, “Thanks for taking the time to explain that to me. I want to make sure I understand the key issues. Can I run through my main takeaways based on what I heard, and you can correct me if I’m off somehow?” Who would say no to such a request?

Once you have the go-ahead, start by paraphrasing your understanding of their key points. You should use simple, reporting language such as, “You said that your budget _____,” or “Did I understand correctly that in your department _____,” or “Your primary concern is that _____, right?” Whatever you do, do not comment on anything yet.

This step also serves multiple purposes with mutual benefits. From the other person’s side, they are happy to know that you are valuing their input enough to take time to ensure that you understood it. Plus, it is reassuring for them to have you confirm that whatever they said was received as it was intended. This builds trust and facilitates further discussion.

More importantly, paraphrasing this way ensures that you actually did understand all of their key points. Misunderstandings could be due to missing or improperly stated information in their initial explanation, or perhaps you were writing something down and didn’t catch something else they said at the time.

Regardless of the cause, once you have had a chance to confirm the facts, then everyone is satisfied that all key information is on the table, and, most importantly, they feel relieved to know that they have been heard and understood.

From there, you can transition into sharing your side of the story with something like, “Okay, well, let’s start with _____.” It’s important to keep your language objective, and if you feel like their view on something is incorrect, keep your explanation fact-based, calm and impersonal. There’s a big difference between saying, “There are a few details I don’t think your team is aware of,” and, “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

If the other person does not play by the same rules and interrupts you when it’s your turn, you can explicitly draw their attention to the contrast and make a respectful request: “I’m sure you’ll have some comments and questions, which I welcome, but I listened to you without interrupting, and would appreciate the same courtesy in return.” You can offer them some paper to take notes on while they listen, for their own benefit, and ask them to paraphrase what they understood when you’re done, so they can follow your model more completely as well.

At best, once you have heard each other out, and truly sought to understand each other’s objectives and reasons, you can come to a solution that meets everyone’s needs. But at the very least, if the answer still has to be “no,” there is still potential for positive outcome.

At that point, “no” can sound more like, “I truly appreciate the fact that/your concern about ___. For now, we have to prioritize _____ because of _____, but I understand the impact that it will have on your situation, so…”

Even though the other person might not be happy with the immediate result, it’s much easier for them to accept the outcome because they understand why, and are emotionally satisfied that they have been respected as a person and a professional.

In the end, difficult topics are addressed productively without fighting and casualties of war, and respectful relationships are not only maintained but strengthened. You’re not avoiding the issue, you’re avoiding creating a mess.

More importantly, you’re leading by example, and fostering a healthy culture of open communication, transparency, and mutual respect.

That’s the difference between someone who has a leadership position, and someone who is a leader.

********

 

Do you have questions or comments about the issues in today’s post, want to know how to apply them, or how to help others with them? If so, contact me at laura@vocalimpactproductions.com or click here to schedule a 20-minute focus call to discuss them with me personally!

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Best Practices Economics Growth Leadership Personal Development

Eve of Disruption – Future of Work

What is the first thing you think of when you hear the words “FUTURE OF WORK?”

I recently went to a well curated panel event hosted by The Freelancers Conference on the topic of “Future of work.”  The first thought in one of the panelists was fear.  Fear of what is going to happen and how do we go through the change and accept it.  There was fear that “robots” (technology) would replace entry level jobs. There was fear of the implications of remote working on infrastructure if people didn’t drive to work on a normal basis.  There was fear of what does career mean versus work.  There was fear on how the continued interaction between all the generations in the work force will affect the “stability” of what is work today.  With the entry of the millennial into the workforce and the proliferation of technology (social media, phones) there has been a shift in the path, individuals are taking for their career.  For those in the Gen-X generation and older, we were taught to go to college, maybe get a graduate degree, get a corporate job, go up the ladder and on the way get married, have children, buy a house and car.  This would bring about stability so we could retire and enjoy life when we were “older.”

The world has changed since we have grown up and the future of work is definitely in a different place.  Between 1975 and 2015, life expectancy at birth increased from 72.6 to 78.8 years for the total U.S. population. We are living longer for multiple reasons including better: health systems, infrastructure, food sources etc.  It also means that we have a longer span to support our lifestyles and many people are not retiring to just live out the rest of their lives and have fun. The boomer generation is not retiring  as we expected and the millennial generation is entering the workforce at the same time making a paradigm shift on how work should be done and what matters.   Millennials are driving the notion that work should be purpose driven. They want to have experiences in their life now. We have generations in the workforce who didn’t expect to be working past retirement or having multiple careers.  On the flip side you have generations coming into the workforce who know they will have longer lives and be working multiple jobs throughout their lives.  The definition of career versus work has changed dramatically and means different things to every person.

This trend is showing that more people are thinking about their individual path in the scheme of helping our world survive as we go through these massive changes.  As business people we are digitizing individualization through social media, technology such as AI and big data to see products and services.  These technologies also change how people conduct their own work.  Technology will make it easier to do many jobs in a more efficient manner.  Interestingly, many companies are cropping up to help corporations focus on their “employees” (stated loosely as it could include freelancers etc).  However, if you go into many large corporations they still struggle providing the same environment inside their business as their employees are living outside.  A large Fortune 10 company based in a small town wants to be the retailer of the future.  Yet Airbnb, Uber and other tech companies in the sharing economy are still “new” fangled companies in 2017.  If your employees are not experiencing or researching the end customer, you won’t be able to keep up with the times and you will also lose employees very quickly as opportunity to be engaged and grow is everywhere.

The trust level between employees and employers is starting to deteriorate and that will be one of the many downfalls of the current system. Individuals are beginning to realize they have more freedom in their lifestyles as freelancers and the numbers are growing rapidly, to 1/3 of the American workforce.  This changes the dynamic of businesses who are hiring individuals who want to work remotely, don’t really care for employee benefits or the physical spaces in offices.  This will change how office space is designed and how HR processes are managed.  Yet, these individuals want to be seen as people and the human element comes into play.  When we are taught that scale drives business and revenues, it will get harder to engage employees for the individual mindsets that they bring to the table.

There are lots of aspects of the future of work that are being worked on by many different groups right now.  There are businesses that help executives understand their new workforce which is multi-generational, diverse and has a new mindset on the future.  Other companies help businesses to design their future physical space and separately companies who help create the technology infrastructure to manage remote employees.  Focusing on individualization of employees is going to be critical as we move forward and new ways of doing business come about.  Laws, retirement age, work hours, work ethics, rules, HR processes, physical space, city infrastructure, products and services are just the tip of the iceberg on what will change as we move forward.

What does Future of Work mean to you as an individual and what changes do you see right now?

 

Welcome to the Eve of Disruption. A weekly series depicting what the future fabric of our society could look like. There is a changing paradigm in how we live, work and play. Are you and your organization moving with the times and adapting to the massive and rapid changes happening right now? The Eve of Disruption looks at ideas that could be 5 – 10 years in the future but most likely will happen in the blink of an eye. #jointhejourney

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Entrepreneurship Personal Development Women In Business

The 2 Things You Must Look For in a Mentor

I was at a crossroads. My social media agency was just a couple years old and I was struggling on what steps to take next. Should I double down on my investments and expand? Should I slow down and take time to learn. How should I handle the issues in my marriage and parenting that the business growth was causing. I decided to look for a mentor. But, I had no idea how to find one and what type of person to look for. In the end, I found two incredible mentors, both of which I’ve had meaningful relationships with for the past 6 years and I learned there are two things you must look for in a mentor.

First, find a mentor who works the way you want to work.

I found my first mentor, Tom Niesen, in my Vistage group. Vistage is an amazing group for CEO’s where you are surrounded by your peers to discuss your success, failure and needed learnings both personally and professionally. Over the months, I couldn’t help but be impressed. Tom is the CEO of Acuity Systems and often talked about how he groomed his employees and ways to bonus them in that truly meant something to them personally. Tom owns Acuity as well as a few other companies (including a coffee company in Hawaii, because he loves coffee). He takes 8 weeks of vacation a year and actually unplugs from work to enjoy them. Tom has been married forever and has an amazing and loving family. When I saw Tom speak, I thought he was captivating and engaging. I realized I wanted to work more like Tom. I don’t think I ever asked Tom to be my official mentor but over the years I’ve watched him and modeled some of my behaviors after him. When I have questions or want an opinion I respect, I ask to see him and he always guides me in the most honest way he can. Plus, the guy is just hilarious. One of my proudest moments is when my administrative specialist, Brisa Castillo, outgrew the opportunities at my company and left to pursue other options. She later went on to work for Tom, where she is flourishing.

Second, find someone who lives the way you want to live.

When I began to search for my next mentor, I decided I wanted to find a woman CEO/Owner who was married had children. I used LinkedIn and struck gold. When I found Lois Melbourne, the the CEO/Owner of Aquire, I was a bit awestruck. She was doing what I was doing, but on a much larger scale! I reached out to her through LinkedIn and Lois could not have been more kind. She agreed to meet me for lunch to see if we would be compatible for a mentorship. We got along famously and scheduled regular lunches where I was able to pick her brain for an incredibly valuable hour. Lois has mentored me for years and still does today. I’ve watched her navigate the sale of her company, successfully working with her husband, raising her son who is now a teenager, building the most beautiful house I’ve even seen, publishing her first children’s books and now starting a nonprofit. Lois is an incredibly busy woman who never turns me away when I need help or advice about divorce, work, parenting, being a woman executive, selling a company and searching for what fulfills me.

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Growth Leadership Personal Development

4 Presentation Tips When Speaking to Boards

When senior leaders speak to the board of directors, they know it’s a high stakes presentation. A lot is on the line. They must be able to persuade not only with numbers and ideas, but with their presence and leadership. And if they don’t perform, their jobs may be on the line.

Watch Your Language

Recently, a client called me to prepare for her presentation to the board of directors. As a Senior Vice President reporting to the CEO, she spearheaded a merger between two Fortune 500 companies. Her presentation was an update on the success of the merger. The message was upbeat. Under her leadership, all company milestones were achieved, the merger was profitable and they were ready to go. So why would she want coaching to deliver such a positive presentation? Because she was the only woman and knew that speaking to a board is a high stakes situation. You need to bring your A game.

During the coaching session we discovered she had a tendency to use the word “just”. She’d make statements such as, “I just want to update you…” Wimpy words minimize conviction and undermine the authority of the presenter.  Just, only, think, feel, perhaps, are examples of weak language and not the language of leadership. Lesson Learned: A leader can have a powerful message and still lose the confidence of the board if her language is not definitive and congruent.

Speak at a High Level

A newly promoted CFO became a coaching client because when he talked to the board he would get stuck in the weeds. He was still speaking like a finance person presenting reams of details that were not relevant to a high level audience. He realized he was losing credibility when he saw their eyes roll. This CFO learned to share his vision, tell the story of the numbers at a 30,000 foot view, and embody the role of a senior executive. Lesson learned:  If you talk small, you’ll be perceived at a lower level and not as a leader.

Convey Executive Presence

A respected CHRO was identified as the choice to report to the CEO in a spin-off from a Fortune 500 company. He was an HR expert and well-liked and respected in the company. He delivered effective presentations at Town Hall meetings but now the bar was going to be raised. He would be required to present to the board and this audience was uncharted territory.  His issue was that he had a regional accent. He’d say “duh” for “the”, omitted /ing/ endings on words, and greeted people with “How ya doin’?”  Although likeable and endearing, his causal style lacked the formality to be taken seriously by the board members. To create more presence and power, he upgraded his attire and worked diligently on his speech and posture. He continued to communicate with more gravitas every day with his peers. He understood that he would be judged by his presence as well as his content. Lesson learned: Keep your guard up. Board members are not friends.

Get to the Point

Sometimes, the issue is not solely about details. It’s about coming to as stop.  A senior executive whose tenure with the company rivaled most of the executive team, yet he was undervalued by the board. He had encyclopedic knowledge of the company, the products, the customers and the industry. But during meetings and conversations he would rattle on. As long as eye contact was maintained he would keep talking. He didn’t know when to stop talking, listen, and engage. Because of this, the board doubted his abilities. They’d say, “He’s not the guy”. Their lack of confidence in him was unfounded based on his ideas, knowledge and competence. But his talents got lost in a sea of ongoing verbiage. This executive hadn’t learned to speak in soundbites. Lesson learned: Brevity is the key to executive communication.

 

Diane DiResta, CSP, is Founder and CEO of DiResta Communications, Inc., a New York City consultancy serving business leaders who deliver high stakes presentations— whether one-to-one, in front of a crowd or from an electronic platform.   DiResta is the author of Knockout Presentations: How to Deliver Your Message with Power, Punch, and Pizzazz, an Amazon.com category best-seller and widely-used text in college business communication courses. www.diresta.com

 Diane is a Certified Speaking Professional, a designation held by less than 12% of speakers nationwide. And her blog, Knockout Presentations, made the Top 50 Pubic Speaking blogs.

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Entrepreneurship Personal Development Women In Business

Be The Boss of You

Be The Boss of You

Before you are truly ready for a position of leadership, you must first learn to be the boss of yourself. Now that may sound silly to some people, but how can you be the boss of anyone or anything, if you don’t even know how to be a good leader to yourself? Being a good, successful leader is something that starts with you. Passive people that have no discipline are usually never successful, and if they do get a taste of success, it won’t last very long.

You have to be bold enough to be persistent, even when others are trying to stop you, and you have to be strong enough to pick yourself back up when you fail. Arianna Huffington once said, “We need to accept that we won’t always make the right decisions, that we’ll screw up royally sometimes… Understanding that failure is not the opposite of success, it’s part of success.” Does her name sound familiar to you? That’s because Arianna Huffington is the editor-in-chief of the AOL/Huffington Post. She is also the President of a company called the Huffington Post Media Group, which has 12 international editions.

Although this unstoppable DIVA is now one of the most successful businesswomen in the U.S., it wasn’t always like this. Arianna has had many failures and ups and downs on her road to success. She stayed committed and found the strength to learn from her failures. She used her failures as a tool to learn, grow, and achieve success. Do you think Arianna Huffington would be where she is now, if she had no discipline, and allowed her failures to hinder her? Absolutely not! Through personal development, she acquired the demeanor of an unstoppable boss, picked herself up, and carried on.

Pamela Nicholson is the CEO and President of the largest car rental company in the United States called, Enterprise. She is one of the most powerful business women in the U.S. Pamela was only a management trainee when she first began her career with Enterprise Rent-A-Car in 1981. Through hard work and dedication, Pamela climbed her way to the top. She stayed persistent, which enabled her to keep climbing the corporate ladder until she became the first CEO and President that is not related to the founding family of the company. She is also the first female CEO and President that Enterprise has ever had.

What do these women have in common? They both have fought their way to the top, and never doubted their ability to succeed. It takes a lot of personal development to climb the corporate ladder all the way to leadership. To become a high-ranking leader, you have to have discipline. You have to be able to take constructive criticism, accept occasional failure along the way, and grow from it. The truth is, you have to have the mindset of a leader first, before you can truly lead others. Personal growth should be continuous on your road to success.

You have to learn to be the boss of you, before you can be the boss of others. The best way to start acquiring the mindset of someone who is ready for leadership is to listen to the advice of others that have already achieved success in their careers. Up or Out with Connie is an inspirational podcast show that can help you on your path to success. Connie Pheiff is an unstoppable DIVA. She is a best-selling author, a successful motivational speaker, the chair of “The Pheiff Group”, and she is also the host of the popular podcast show Up or Out with Connie. This show is a breeding ground for personal development, and will help you understand that you are the boss of your own destiny.

 

Do you have questions or comments about the issues in today’s post? Want to know how to apply them, or how to help others with them? If so, contact me at connie@pheiffgroup.com or CLICK HERE to schedule a 20-minute discovery call to discuss with you personally.

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Best Practices Growth Human Resources Leadership Personal Development

Bell(e)’s World – Balance

How do you define BALANCE in your life?

We hear about work life balance, all the time.  Balance is defined, as a condition, in which different elements are equal or in the correct proportions. Life is very hard to have all the elements be equal.  We are messaged throughout our lives that work and life proportions should be balanced.  Let’s look at the averages based on The Labor Bureau of Statistics.  Fact – There are 168 hours in every week! (Some people think that’s not enough).  The most amount of time is spent on personal care1 which includes sleep – 67.06 hours / week.  Almost less than half on work or work related activities 2 – 25.27 hours / week. This gives us almost 75.67 hours/ week to do something other than “sleep” and “work.”  Yet our focus in life is centered around work and getting the financial gains from “working”, being successful, having a title, having power etc.  Just looking at the numbers, balance, is not a game, we should strive to win.  You are struggling every day to achieve something that is not truly possible and shouldn’t be the same for everyone.  Each of us is an individual, on their own life journey.

Work can be enjoyable to many people.  When I am doing things that mostly make my brain tick and generates income, I am very focused and enjoy what I am doing.  Many of the closest people, in my life, tell me I constantly work.  Yet it doesn’t look like I am working to the outside world.  It looks like I am enjoying life and being a free spirit because I am around people I enjoy interacting with and I travel a lot.  There are many executives who are driven by the work they do because they are good at it, they enjoy it and are getting paid to do it.  This does mean that sometimes their personal lives are affected by the amount of time they spend on work.

However, they need to find the balance on the expectations of them by the people in their life.  There is nothing wrong in being motivated by the work you do and spending a lot of time on it.  The problem becomes when you have situations where others have expectations on your time and they don’t receive it.  As everything on a Bell curve there is a large group of people that truly enjoy the work they do.  However, the media is constantly providing articles on how to achieve balance and makes people feel that they are not normal or fulfilled in their journey because they are always working.   The media and our culture shapes our way of thinking from the moment our brains start learning to process information.  We are taught what is the right behavior (eg. etiquette) to how we should think.  Yet, each individual, in the universe will have a slightly different way of thinking and will be wired a little different.

Life is not just about balance but is a key component to going through the life journey.  Prior to understanding balance in your own life, you need to go through the process of understanding your core self. The core self, answers the questions of what makes you tick to what journey do you want to lead. The list is extensive and the time is takes to process this self-evaluation can be a lifetime.  As you start peeling the layers, you find confidence on making decisions based on your individual journey.  Balance does not mean our work and play will be even and its definitely not the same for everyone. Balance is about understanding how we want to go through the journey of life and feel fulfilled at the end.

How do you want to bring BALANCE into your Journey of Life?

1Average weekly hours worked https://www.bls.gov/web/empsit/ceseesummary.htm
2Average daily hours on activities https://www.bls.gov/charts/american-time-use/activity-by-sex.htm

Welcome to Bell(e)’s world. Everything in this world is based on a bell curve. Our media concentrates on giving advice to make everyone be a part of the masses. This is a weekly series of Urvi’s insights on her perception of the world. They say perception is reality and she lives in her own fantasy world. This allows her to delve into the human element of our lives, helping individuals look into their own souls to understand who they are and what they want out of their journey of life.  Bell(e)’s world explores the extremes and goes beyond the surface. Ready to read about some of the “elephants in the room?”  Contact urvi if you want to build your emotional wealth and enhance your life based on your inner core. #thehumanelement

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Growth Leadership Personal Development

How to Illuminate and Eliminate the Problems Haunting Your Company

Johnny Mercer and The Pied Pipers first recorded the song “Ac-Cent-Tchu-Ate the Positive” in 1944, and many stars have covered the tune–Bing Crosby, Ella Fitzgerald, Paul McCartney, Barry Manilow, and, for you punk fans, The Vindictives, just to name a few. But for David Corbin, it was a version by a dancing bear that stood out.

Corbin, a friend I’ve grown to respect as a fellow professional speaker and mentor of mentors, was watching the video with his daughter. The dancing bear was happily advising his audience to accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative. It’s the power of positive thinking set to music, right?

But it dawned on Corbin that his most productive and profitable clients don’t eliminate the negative–they illuminate the negative. The next thing you know, Corbin had written a best-selling book about this idea.

“I reverse engineered a lot of the work I’d done with clients,” Corbin told me. “I found that the people who were really productive were the ones who were willing to take a look at the issues, the challenges, the problems, and the conundrums.”

Corbin’s diverse background in psychotherapy, sales, and consulting, not to mention his quest to lose weight and live a healthy lifestyle, all helped him create a simple formula: Face It. Follow It. Fix it.

Here’s a quick overview of what I learned during a recent conversation with him about uncovering and fixing organizational problems:

FACE IT

When Corbin was 50 pounds overweight, he worked hard to avoid mirrors. No need to look at the problem, right? But facing the negative begins with an honest inventory.

He challenges us to stop and look at our business reflection too. And then answer these questions with brutal honesty:

  • What does your enterprise require?
  • What can you deliver?
  • Where are you efficient and effective?
  • Where are you mediocre?
  • Where are you awful?

This type of audit often requires feedback from others–a 360 review is helpful–but it begins with a look in the mirror.

FOLLOW IT

Crime dramas have always been popular on television, because we all like to play the role of the detective, follow the clues, and figure out who-done-it. It’s much more fun to do that when it involves someone else, however, than when our own mess is the scene of the crime. But Corbin suggests that we can’t address our negatives without sleuthing the root issues.

Ask yourself these questions–again, with unrelenting truthfulness:

  • How did we get here?
  • What’s keeping us here?
  • If nothing changes, what can we expect?

That last question, I’ve found, can be extremely motivating. Envision your life 5 years from now, for instance, if you continue eating pizza three times a week (or day). Not a pretty picture for your family holiday newsletter.

Now project the future state of your business if you continue to live with high employee turnover, or shrinking market share.

In the first case you grow fat, and in the other you go broke. Neither is healthy.

FIX IT

This isn’t necessarily a third step, because the solution to any problem actually begins when you face it and follow it. “Daylight is the greatest disinfectant,” Corbin told me. “So the fix begins when you take the problem out from under the carpet and put it into the daylight.”

Too many managers and leaders don’t want to hear about a problem unless you’re also bringing a solution. That line of thinking discourages people from pointing out problems. If someone smells smoke, you don’t want them to wait until they have a fire extinguisher to tell you there might be a fire ablaze.

Even when there’s no immediate remedy, putting the problem out in the light encourages engagement and ultimately prompts action toward a solution. And in my experience, it’s always better for employees to openly talk about the problems they face than to privately whine about them.

Corbin is a fan of the late, great novelist and playwright James Baldwin, who summed up Corbin’s mantra this way: “Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.”

I totally agree, because we can never fully accentuate the positive or eliminate the negative if we’re sitting alone in the dark.

 

[This post was originally published on my weekly column at Inc.com]

Categories
Growth Human Resources Leadership Personal Development

Avoid Triangulation: How to Save Time and Money in a Conflict

Avoid Triangulation: How to Save Time and Money in a Conflict

Have you ever been pulled into a conflict between two employees?  Two employees have an emotionally charged discussion, they fail to resolve the conflict and one of them comes to you, “Joseph is refusing to do his work.  I am sick of it.”  What do you do? Do you get in the middle?  Do you call together both employees to discuss the issue?  Don’t do it. It’s a trap.  It will likely waste your time and damage profitability too.  What can you do instead?

We learn this triangulation technique at an early age.  Triangulation is when a third party (neutral) is brought into a conflict for the purpose of reaching a resolution.  Here is a typical example.  Two children are playing and one does something the other doesn’t like.  Before you know it, “Mom!!!  Joseph took my toy!!”  Triangulation is a demonstration of either laziness or a lack of skill in resolving conflict.  It’s understandable in childhood. Children don’t know any better.  It is dysfunctional in the workplace and needs to be avoided.

There are three reasons why you should avoid being pulled into the middle.  It will likely waste your time.  It will rarely create a lasting resolution.  It will teach dependence.

Wasting Your Time

According to an Accountemps Survey in 2011, “Managers who were interviewed said they spend, on average, 18 percent of their time — intervening in employee disputes.” (Keeping the Peace: Accountemps Survey: Managers Spend Nearly a Full Day Each Week Dealing with Staff Conflicts, 2011)  Imagine you could save nearly 1-1/2 hours a day (seven hours a week or nine weeks per year), how much more could you accomplish?

Unlikely a Long-Term Resolution

When you are pulled into the middle, staying neutral is a big challenge.  Your biases will get in the way of appearing neutral to both employees.  One or both will likely see you on one side or the other.  This will prevent a solution from sticking.  Any perception of bias will create a perception of weakness in the quality of whatever solution is reached.

Teaching Dependency

If you insist on stepping in the middle of a conflict, what is the likelihood the employees will get you in the middle next time too?   It’s highly likely and, if employees depend on you for conflict resolution, innovation, productivity, and profit will suffer.

Correct Strategy

If getting in the middle should be avoided, then what is the correct strategy when employees can’t resolve their own conflict?  If you are being dragged into the middle, there are 3 key actions you can take to reverse the trend. First, identify the type of conflict.  Second, provide the correct tools.  Third, facilitate a discussion with the employees to resolve their own conflicts.

Identify the type of conflict

There are two sources of conflict, interests and positions.  Conflicts of interests are serious and very difficult to resolve. It means that the two people (or organizations) have totally different foundational priorities.  The Palestinians and Israelis have conflicts of interests.  Israelis desire to live in peace practicing their faith, living in a democracy and operating in a capitalist economy.  Many Palestinians want the destruction of Israel.  In organization, the existence of conflicts of interests are likely an indicator of a leadership failure.

Conflicts of positions are much easier to resolve and offer the best opportunity to innovate.  Imagine a couple want to take a trip to New York City.  The husband wants to drive.  The wife wants to take the train.  They both share the same interest, i.e. a trip to NYC.  They disagree on how, the position.

Conflicts of position offer an opportunity to talk and possibly negotiate.  Organization should have a very high percentage of conflicts of position. Any conflicts of interest are a failure of leadership skill and/or communication.  These types of conflict indicate a lack of clarity of the context.

Provide the tools

If it is a conflict of interest then, as a leader, you must get to work!  Clarify the vision, mission, values, strategy, and leadership model.  The lack of clarity has trickled down through into the minds of the employees.  You must ask, “Have we clarified the vision, mission, values, strategy, and leadership model for the organization?”  Any confusion about these five key cornerstones will likely create unnecessary conflicts.

If it is a conflict of position, it is a perfect time ask, “Do the employees have negotiation skills and/or experimentation tools and do they have permission to use them?”  The learning cycle is a perfect tool to take ideas and test them.  The learning cycle (Plan-Do-Check-Act) gives employees empowerment to test their positions.   A position is a theory. For example, in my NYC example, the husband might say, “Honey, if we drive we will have a better time because we can relax and leave whenever we want.  Can we try it this time, and perhaps take the train next time?”

Conflicts of position require emotional intelligence and specialized tools to lead emotional discussions.  Providing these tools enables employees to resolve their own conflicts.  Providing these tools is a leadership responsibility.

When you prepare the context and provide the tools, you can transform children into adults.  You will create an environment where you no longer have to be in the middle and you will observe employees independently resolve issues and create innovative solutions that the “middle-person” never could.   Facilitate a discussion to encourage employees to use the tools and create their own solutions.  Let them do it. Prepare them and turn them loose.  It will save you time and make you more money.

Wally Hauck, PhD has a cure for the “deadly disease” known as the typical performance appraisal.  Wally holds a doctorate in organizational leadership from Warren National University, a Master of Business Administration in finance from Iona College, and a bachelor’s degree in philosophy from the University of Pennsylvania.   Wally is a Certified Speaking Professional or CSP.  Wally has a passion for helping leaders let go of the old and embrace new thinking to improve leadership skills, employee engagement, and performance.

Keeping the Peace: Accountemps Survey: Managers Spend Nearly a Full Day Each Week Dealing with Staff Conflicts. (2011, March 15). Retrieved from http://accountemps.rhi.mediaroom.com: http://accountemps.rhi.mediaroom.com

Categories
Growth Leadership Skills

4 Presentation Tips to Manage Space to Control the Room and Influence Results

4 Presentation Tips to Manage Space to Control the Room and Influence Results

Gender research will tell you that men take up more space than women. Physically, when a man and a woman sit next to each other in public transportation, it’s common to see what’s called “manspreading. Manspreading is a sitting position with legs spread apart that encroaches on the space of the adjacent passenger. So, what does this have to do with public speaking?

Public speaking demands the mastery of space.

One way to identify a seasoned presenter is to observe how they manage their space. Top public speakers master the use of space because:

  • it gives them greater rapport with the audience
  • allows them to manage the room and control group dynamics
  • and ultimately influence results.

It takes more than crafting a good speech. The presenter must coordinate and use space strategically to lead the audience. The importance of space is often overlooked.

Dianne Budion Devitt, renowned event designer speaks about space in meetings and events experiences. She states, “Awareness is increased when you relate it to all aspects of space, whether, it’s physical, digital, inner or outer space”.

Here are 4 areas to address when you are a public speaker or presenter.

Physical Space –How often does a speaker arrive at a venue with little or no knowledge of the space and room set-up? Yet, space is a communication. By asking the right questions and arriving early presenters can take charge of a venue to maximize the space.

Is the platform too high? One presenter gave a talk to a sales group. The setting was a bandshell type stage. The audience sat at tables away from the platform. The challenge was that the platform was too high and far away making it difficult to create intimacy. The choice here would be to step down and speak from the floor to be closer to eye level with the audience. You don’t have to use the stage just because it’s there.

Is the room too long or narrow? I once spoke at a lunch meeting. The room was narrow and very long. People were crowded together at a lengthy board table for 50 people. The lectern was in the front of the room. With this lack of physical space, the people sitting in the middle and back of the table were at an extreme disadvantage. Instead of remaining in front, I chose to move to the middle. And then I moved to another spot. This created more of a relationship, improved sound quality, and the entire audience felt included.

Is the room too large?  This is often the case when a training room that can accommodate 40 people is reserved for a group of eight. The space then becomes overwhelming. The best bet is to move the tables and chairs close to the front. Otherwise, there is too much distance from the audience when the instructor is near the screen.

Personal Space– Body space, or Proxemics, is the study of the space between the sender and receiver. This space influences how a message is interpreted and can vary according to cultures. According to Edward T. Hall, there are four zones:

  • Intimate-this space is up to 10 inches and reserved for friends and family
  • Casual-18 inches to four feet is for informal conversations
  • Social-Four to 12 feet is appropriate for more formal communication
  • Public-12-25 feet

When speaking one-on-one, the presenter may choose a casual or social distance. The intimate space may seem intrusive unless you are friendly colleagues. The listener doesn’t want their space invaded, so use good judgement and respect personal space.

Where are you positioned? When giving a one-on-one sales presentation do you want to be across a table or side-by-side? This is a strategic decision. A table or desk can be a barrier. To create intimacy in an interview, it’s better to leave the desk and sit on the sofa or on two chairs facing each other. If the intention is to convey authority, sitting across a large desk will communicate dominance.

When we were dealing with a difficult real estate developer, my husband called a meeting with their attorney. We arrived early and he decided we would each sit on opposite sides of the table forcing the attorney into the less powerful position between us. When the attorney walked into the room, he took one look and quickly sat down beside me. He was no fool. He knew that space is power.

How you enter a room communicates leadership. Do you confidently walk to the center of the room, plant yourself and look directly at the audience? Or do you stand off to the side? Do you move toward or away from the audience? How close you position yourself to the audience will communicate intimacy or formality.

Do you work the room?  Public speakers who stand behind a lectern communicate formality. The most confident speakers use space by walking to different sections of the platform and talking to a section of the audience.

What do your hands say about space? Gestures add or detract from a presentation depending on the amount of space used. When speaking on a large stage, more expansive gestures denote confidence because the speaker is taking up space.

Recently, one man in my presentation skills seminar seemed to gesture with his elbows glued to his side. He started to refer to his “raptor arms” when he realized he wasn’t using the space effectively.

More commonly, presenters violate space by gesturing too widely. This was the issue with Bill Clinton in his early political career. His wide, sweeping gestures didn’t communicate trust. He learned to stay in the box between his waist and face. More contained gestures communicate the speaker is confident and in control.

White Space-A huge challenge for many presenters is the absence of space. Imagine reading a newspaper without any punctuation. It’s confusing and takes longer to read. That’s how an audience experiences a presentation without space or “white noise.” The brain needs time to process. Without delivering a few beats of silence between the words, the speaker loses the audience and the message doesn’t get through. There is power in silence. Master the pause.

Pianist, Arthur Schnabel once said, “The notes I handle no better than many pianists. But the pauses between the notes – ah, that is where the art resides.”

Mental Space– What are you saying to yourself? Do you create space in your head to listen and receive the audience?  Leadership requires a clear mind. Most presenters fill their minds with negative chatter, focusing on their nerves or what could go wrong. When presenters are thinking about nervousness they are living in the future. Instead, focus on the breath. Come into the present moment to clear the mind and create a space of openness.

There is no greater gift than to be fully present.

Diane DiResta, CSP, is Founder and CEO of DiResta Communications, Inc., a New York City consultancy serving business leaders who deliver high stakes presentations— whether one-to-one, in front of a crowd or from an electronic platform.   DiResta is the author of Knockout Presentations: How to Deliver Your Message with Power, Punch, and Pizzazz, an Amazon.com category best-seller and widely-used text in college business communication courses. DiResta Communication Inc. Diane is a Certified Speaking Professional, a designation held by less than 12% of speakers nationwide. And her blog, Knockout Presentations, made the Top 50 Pubic Speaking blogs

Categories
Growth Leadership Personal Development

Good News, It’s Okay to Fail

If you look closely, most overnight successes really took a long time. Most of us have the fear of failure, a fear that’s crippling to many of us. I spent the last few years studying some of the most influential people in business. I came to the realization that failure in business is okay. As an entrepreneur myself, I’ve come to embrace failure and appreciate failure as a critical element of growth. Are you struggling with fear of failure? Fear not, here are three reasons why it’s okay to fail.

Lets examine some of the great failures. Sorry I mean entrepreneurs.

  • Steve Jobs, Apple Computers
  • Walt Disney, Disney World
  • Thomas Edison, electricity
  • Bill Gates, Microsoft
  • Henry Ford, Ford Motor Company
  • Richard Branson, Virgin Airlines, Virgin Records, Virgin Vodka
  1. Successful people become robust. They stick to it; I call this stick-a-bility. “What doesn’t kill you will make you stronger.” When you fail, it builds up your character. You need todevelop thick skin and have unwavering faith you will succeed. If you fail, get back up, dust yourself off, and keep moving forward.
  2. Successful people will develop. Successful entrepreneurs are always growing, learning, and looking for new ways to grow through their diverse experiences. When you make mistakes and you will learn best practices for next time. It’s time to drive your success.

“Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the

happiness and growth occurs while you’re climbing it.”

~Andy Rooney

 

Be Unstoppable Together

Connie Pheiff, Unstoppable DIVA

Do you have questions or comments about the issues in today’s post, want to know how to apply them, or how to help others with them? If so, contact me at connie@pheiffgroup.com or click here to schedule a 20-minute discovery call to discuss with you personally.

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