Tag: health|healthy habits|managing stress|reducing stress|stress

What’s one of the most important things you need when it comes to healing from betrayal?

Willingness.

Check your willingness. We have two types of people who leave the PBT Institute. The first is this type. They’re through Stage five (out of the Five Stages from Betrayal to Breakthrough). They come in at Stage two or Stage three, and they leave at Stage five. That’s when they’re supposed to leave. They’ve been transformed. They’ve completely moved through their experience. They’re healed, they’re different and they’re enjoying their new life, level of health, relationships, confidence and more.

The second type of person who leaves The PBT Institute… is the one who is unwilling to do the work to heal. They may have had the best of intentions but when they realized that healing from betrayal is going to require doing things differently, they weren’t up for it.

Here’s something I’m realizing about the many people who email and message me daily about how much pain they’re in and how badly they want to heal.

Just because you’ve been betrayed doesn’t mean you’re ready to heal from your betrayal. There’s a very big difference and here’s a question to ask yourself.

Are you willing to heal from shattered trust and betrayal?

You may be surprised by your answer if you’re totally honest with yourself. Why? You need to let go of your story and all it’s giving you. You need to move through some dark places, some unknown and unfamiliar territory. While moving through it is to get to a healed space, because it’s different, we often choose to stay right where we are.

I did a PhD study on betrayal and thought that the people who were the hardest hit would grow the least because they had the most to overcome.

 

That had nothing to do with their healing.

One of the biggest factors in their healing was willingness. It was the ones who had that “whatever it takes” attitude, the ones who put their heads down and said, “I’m not picking it up until I’m out the other side” were the ones who healed. Those were the ones who blew the doors off of the ones who weren’t as willing.

So check your resistance. Even though you think you want to heal, you’re going to have to change. You’re going to have to lose all the small-self benefits you get from your story. What are some of those benefits?

Being right, having someone to blame, getting sympathy from other people are just a few. There are so many things you give up but here’s a visual to explain what holding onto these things does to you.

Have you ever seen someone on a trapeze? They can hold on to one of the bars and they can swing and grab onto the other bar. But if you notice, they’re not going anywhere until they let go of that first bar. That’s the willingness you need to heal from your experience.

Are you willing to let go of your story and all it gives you? I get to know every member who comes into The PBT Institute. The ones who do the best aren’t the ones who’ve just been betrayed. It’s the ones who are ready and willing to heal.

Dr. Debi
Founder and CEO, The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute

 

Until a betrayal is healed, we have a wild range of emotions and symptoms to manage like sadness, anger, anxiety, exhaustion and more. It’s important to do something to modulate all of these feelings and aspects of healing that you’re going to be working through until you’re able to move through it completely.

Last week I wrote about the importance of sleep. It’s non-negotiable and at a time where we need quality, restorative sleep the most, it’s common to have trouble falling asleep, staying asleep, and waking up feeling refreshed. This leaves us feeling exhausted and lethargic which then contributes to a lack of clarity as well as less patience.

While in last week’s post I talked about how to improve your sleep environment as well as create a helpful sleep routine, it’s also important to realize how quickly nutrients become depleted during stressful times. Even the healthiest diets may not be enough to combat how quickly we’re burning through nutrients that supply us with the energy, strength and clarity we need.

So what nutrient support do we need?

Just as you might find additional support to help navigate your mental and emotional state after an experience with betrayal or shattered trust, it’s important to get nutrient and sleep support as well during these times. Let’s talk about key nutrients that combat stress and help promote restful sleep.

GABA, Gamma-aminobutyric acid helps promote sleep while also reducing mental and physical stress. It helps create a sense of calmness and helps to reduce anxiety which is important when we’re working through feelings of fear and stress.

L-theanine is an amino acid found in tea leaves. It boosts GABA (which helps create a sense of calm) along with other neurotransmitters that help to regulate emotions and mood. It also helps reduce brain chemicals associated with anxiety and stress.

Melatonin: Melatonin helps to regulate our circadian rhythm by being secreted in response to darkness. Light at night can disrupt melatonin production (which is why sleeping in a dark and tech free room promotes restful sleep). Melatonin can help us fall asleep more quickly as well as improve the quality of our sleep.

5-HTTP: 5-Hydroxytryptophan is another amino acid produced within the body. It helps raise serotonin levels in the brain. Since serotonin helps regulate mood and behavior, 5-HTP may have a positive effect on sleep, appetite, anxiety and mood.

Pyridoxal phosphate (P-5-P or PLP): PLP is an active form of vitamin B6, a nutrient that supports the brain, heart and immune system. While B-6 is found in certain foods, processing and refining foods dramatically reduces the availability of B-6. It’s common to have a B-6 deficiency due to a poor or processed diet, and this can impact our sleep, strength, mood and more.

Ok, so now what do we do?

Any food or supplement that’s processed, that includes fillers, or is of poor quality is a waste of energy and expense. These nutrient-void subquality products actually cause your body to work harder to absorb, digest and process them. As if betrayal wasn’t hard enough to “absorb, digest and process,” this is why it’s important to take your nutrition and supplementation seriously: even if it’s only for a short period of time while you’re struggling to find solid ground again after your experience. It’s a time when you want to have the highest concentration of nutrients of the highest quality so you have the additional support necessary to sleep when you need to, as well as to help you think clearly when you’re awake.

Here’s why we created Sleep.

Sleep is a blend of botanicals, nutrients, and neurotransmitter precursors designed to support quality, restful sleep. By providing nutritional support for calm brain activity, Sleep promotes relaxation and offers help for occasional sleeplessness.

Sleep is a formulary blend of botanicals, nutrients, neurotransmitters, and neurotransmitter precursors designed to support quality sleep.   By encouraging the calming of brain activity, Sleep helps not only with the ability to get to sleep, but also to stay asleep.

Sleep may:

• Serve as a sleep aid and general relaxant without causing sleep hangover
• Provide a natural sedative effect without causing morning drowsiness
• Reduce generalized anxiety symptoms
• Improve pain tolerance in chronic pain syndromes, increasing the ability to sleep through the night

Key ingredients include: 

• Blend of safe nervine botanicals known for their relaxant properties and ability to reduce tension and promote sleep, without causing morning grogginess. It’s also made with non-GMO ingredients
• Calm-a new, proprietary form of GABA (body’s main calming neurotransmitter), naturally manufactured through a fermentation process and considered more effective than other traditional, chemically produced synthetic forms of GABA
• L-theanine for support of calming neurotransmitter production, clinically proven to reduce stress and improve the quality of sleep
• Melatonin– a hormone whose main role is in the control of the circadian (day/night) rhythms. Its production should peak at night and is instrumental for maintaining quality sleep patterns. Melatonin production declines significantly with age, often causing sleep difficulties as­sociated with aging.
• 5-HTP– precur­sor to serotonin, supports further melatonin production during the night to help with staying asleep
• Pyridoxal-5-phospate(activated form of vitamin B6) – helpful in the conversion of 5-HTP to serotonin (5-HT)

Who Should Take Sleep?

Check with your doctor first, but sleep is ideal for those experiencing difficulty getting to sleep, or staying asleep through the night.

Prioritizing sleep is key when we’re stressed and betrayal is certainly a time when stress is extremely high. When we’re well rested, we can then move through all of the other priorities that need our attention. And, with sleep, we’ll move through them more effectively and efficiently.

Dr. Debi
Founder and CEO, The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute

 

Back in the caveman days, those stressors may have been running from a wild animal. In today’s more modern society, that stress can simply be the stressors of our daily lives. That can look very complex and be incredibly overwhelming; especially when the stress is ongoing.

In order for us to be able to process, address and meet the needs of what we’re going through, (and for healing), we need powerful nutrients. It’s easy to burn through those nutrients quickly under excessive stress and while we can get many of those nutrients from a healthy diet, prolonged or excessive stress requires additional support.

Think of the stress left in the wake of the shattering of trust and/or betrayal. The shock of the experience imprints itself on your body, mind, and heart. That shock ignites the stress response which then lays the groundwork for symptoms, illnesses, conditions, and disease.

For example, in the over 50,000 people who’ve taken the Post Betrayal Syndrome quiz, 45% have a gut issue which can be anything from Crohn’s disease, IBS (irritable bowel syndrome), leaky gut, diverticulitis, constipation, diarrhea to name a few. Even if the person continues to eat a healthy diet (and that’s often the last thing someone is thinking about when they’re reeling from a betrayal), they’re not absorbing or retaining the healthy nutrients they’re taking in.

The body has a hierarchy, a protocol for dealing with stress that often involves shutting down digestive processes and increasing stress hormones. That stress revs up your metabolism and makes you require more nutrients. It’s like this; if you were crossing the street and a car was racing towards you, blood and oxygen are sent to your heart, lungs, and limbs so you can quickly move aside or jump the curb to safety. Normal processes are diverted from the digestive system until the dangerous situation is over. Well, under chronic stress, the message is never fully received that you’re safe. So, the digestive system isn’t getting what it needs and it’s a common reason why digestion is suffering.

So, what can you do?

While managing the stress is crucial, it’s helpful to support your body’s needs however you can. One of the simplest places to start is by making sure at least one meal is nutrient-dense, easy to absorb, digest and process. It also has to be simple, quick, and easy because our attention is on finding solid ground to stand on again, and we simply don’t have the mental resources to put towards extensive meal preparation.

For me, that means a daily, nutrient-packed smoothie loaded with superfoods, vitamins, minerals, quality protein, and something that tastes great. At the same time, it’s also important to retain the nutrients we’re taking in, and here’s where digestive enzymes will help.

Most importantly, the body needs to recognize that the threat has passed, that you’re safe, and that everything can find its way back to a place of balance and equilibrium. No simple task when healing from betrayal but absolutely possible, even predictable when you move through The 5 Stages from Betrayal to Breakthrough.

Remember, healing from betrayal and shattered trust requires healing on all levels so whichever level you’re working towards, it’s a great step in a healthy direction.

Dr. Debi, Founder and CEO, The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute