If you lead a business, you’ve likely lived this moment: a perfectly logical plan, grounded in data, derails in the space between intention and execution. A senior leader shuts down in a contentious meeting. A high-potential manager avoids hard feedback and bleeds trust. A star product owner spirals under pressure and takes the team with them. On the surface, these are performance problems. Underneath, they’re human patterns—rooted in the way we were conditioned to think, feel, and protect ourselves long before we had job titles, P&Ls, or board decks.
In my conversation with Ingeborg Mooiweer—an extraordinary coach and healer who calls herself a “personal relationship alchemist”—we explored the deeper work behind consistent, confident leadership. Her approach blends two pillars: healing inner wounds (what she calls the “inner child” work) and building real insight by making the unconscious, conscious. It’s not “soft stuff.” It’s the operating system for how we lead, decide, and relate. When executives do this work, performance accelerates—often dramatically.
This article distills three key takeaways from Ingeborg’s journey for business executives. Think of them as upgrades to your leadership stack. They’re pragmatic, immediately usable, and designed to compound over time.
Your Old Survival Strategies Are Running Today’s Meetings—Until You Rewire Them
We’re rewarded in business for being analytical, fast, and rational. But when pressure spikes, many leaders don’t lead from their best selves—they lead from old survival strategies. Those show up as:
- Boundary breakdowns: saying yes when you mean no, overcommitting, or absorbing other people’s work and emotions.
- Conflict avoidance or aggression: shutting down, stonewalling, or swinging hard to control the outcome.
- Promotion passivity: assuming good work will be “noticed” instead of asking for what you’ve earned.
- Communication mismatches: saying “I think” when you actually mean “I feel”—and confusing your team about what’s true and what you need.
These survival patterns weren’t mistakes when we adopted them. They helped us get through difficult environments, expectations, and relationships. But when they run your leadership today, you carry risk into every decision and interaction.
What to do about it:
- Practice the “two-track check-in” before key moments. Ask yourself: What am I thinking? What am I feeling? Write one sentence for each. If they don’t match (e.g., “I think this is fine” and “I feel tense”), pause. You’re likely about to operate from a wound, not wisdom.
- Identify your two core triggers. Most leaders have recurring core pains—fear of not being good enough, of rejection, of not being seen or heard. Name them. When they flare, say internally: “This is old. I choose to respond as my present self.”
- Decide from the “happy place.” Ingeborg uses a simple somatic cue: decisions from your grounded self feel calm, sturdy, and strong. From the wound, they feel anxious or urgent. Make material decisions only from the calm signal.
Business impact:
- Clearer decisions, fewer reversals.
- Healthier conflict with faster resolution.
- Greater credibility—your team experiences you as steady, not reactive.
Case insight: One client Ingeborg described went from nearly losing his role to leading his large team confidently and earning a promotion—because he stopped leading from fear and started setting clear boundaries. The work wasn’t about learning a new framework. It was about changing the driver behind the wheel.
Boundaries Are a Leadership System, Not a Personal Preference
Executives often treat boundaries as a “nice-to-have” rooted in personality. In practice, boundaries are structural—they define how value flows through your organization.
Where boundary issues quietly drain performance:
- Role creep at the top: senior leaders doing work two levels down because it feels “faster” or because they’re avoiding hard talent calls.
- Prioritization theater: everything is “priority one,” which means nothing is. People burn out delivering conflicting commitments.
- Meeting inflation: attendance is used as a proxy for inclusion; decision-rights are fuzzy, so more people are invited “just in case.”
- 24/7 availability: responsiveness masquerades as commitment while deep work evaporates.
Resetting boundaries resets throughput. Here’s how to operationalize them:
- Adopt a decision-rights charter. For every strategic initiative, define who decides, who inputs, and who is informed. Publish it. Inspect it monthly. Tie meeting invites to decision-rights—not hierarchy.
- Institute “big rock” sprinting. At the executive level, constrain priorities to three “big rocks” per quarter. Enforce tradeoffs explicitly: adding one means removing one. This boundary turns strategy from aspiration into execution.
- Create “guardrail calendars.” Executives block 20–30% of their week for focus work and talent development. Protect these blocks like board meetings. Your calendar is your culture.
- Normalize “no with context.” Teach your leaders to decline work that violates priorities or roles, paired with alternatives. “No” is a service when it keeps the system healthy.
Personal boundary practice:
- Build a two-sentence “assertive ask.” “Here’s what I need. Here’s why it matters to the business.” Practice it until it’s automatic.
- Use a “temperature check” in the body. If your chest tightens or your jaw locks when you say yes, that’s your signal to renegotiate—now, not later.
Business impact:
- Increased throughput without adding headcount.
- Reduced attrition in critical roles.
- Fewer strategic misses from overcommitment and context switching.
Leaders often realize, as Ingeborg notes, that boundary failures aren’t isolated to one relationship or one project—they’re everywhere. That insight is liberating. Systems problems respond to systems fixes.
Emotional Literacy Is a Force Multiplier for Strategy and Culture
The highest-performing leaders are emotionally literate. They can distinguish thoughts from feelings, name what’s happening in the moment, and choose a response that serves the goal. That literacy translates directly into better strategy, stickier culture, and stronger results.
Upgrade your leadership language:
- Ban “I feel that…” when it’s an opinion. Use “I think” for beliefs and “I feel” for emotions. Precision reduces defensiveness and speeds alignment.
- Label the trigger, not the person. “I feel frustrated when we reset scope mid-sprint; it jeopardizes the release” beats “You always change your mind.”
- Make the unconscious, conscious. Ask in debriefs: “What was the moment the room shifted?” “What went unsaid?” You’ll surface the real constraints faster.
Embed this in operating rhythms:
- Start key meetings with a tension scan. One minute, round-robin: “Name one tension you’re holding about this decision.” Capture. Address the top two before debating solutions.
- Train managers on “emotion-to-action” coaching. Model: Emotion named → Need clarified → Boundary or request made → Next step scheduled. This is how feelings become business movement.
- Treat burnout risk like a financial KPI. Ask leaders weekly: “Where are you saying yes from fear or habit?” Tie performance goals to sustainable behaviors, not heroic sprints.
Somatic cueing for executives:
- Build a 90-second reset. When triggered, drop your attention to your feet, lengthen your exhale, and slow your speech. You’ll shift your nervous system from fight/flight to executive function in under two minutes—enough to choose, not react.
- Use “body-based vetting” for high-stakes calls. If the decision feels sturdy and quiet, proceed. If it feels noisy and urgent, you’re likely in a pattern. Sleep on it or get a second read.
Business impact:
- Cleaner execution because teams hear what you actually mean.
- Higher trust—people feel seen and will take smart risks with you.
- Better talent density: you retain and grow leaders who can regulate themselves and others.
This is not about becoming “soft.” It’s about becoming precise. Strategy without emotional literacy is brittle. Emotional literacy without strategy is aimless. Together, they compound.
A Six-Month Transformation Blueprint You Can Start Today
Ingeborg typically works with clients over about six months, with 90-minute sessions every two to three weeks and targeted work between. You can run a similar cadence for yourself and your top team. Here’s a practical blueprint:
Months 0–1: Assess and Name
- Personal: Journal two columns daily—Thoughts vs. Feelings. Notice mismatches. Identify two core triggers.
- Team: Map decision-rights for your top three initiatives. Remove three recurring meetings that don’t tie to decisions.
Months 2–3: Stabilize and Bound
- Personal: Implement the 90-second reset and “assertive ask.” Practice on low-risk topics first.
- Team: Enforce big rock sprinting and guardrail calendars. Require tradeoffs for any new priority.
Months 4–6: Scale and Sustain
- Personal: Shift material decisions to the “sturdy/calm” test. When you notice urgency, pause and re-center.
- Team: Train managers on emotion-to-action coaching. Add tension scans to key meetings. Review burnout risk weekly like a KPI.
Artifacts to make it stick:
- A one-page leadership contract with yourself: “What I will always do,” “What I will never do,” and “Signals I’m off track.”
- A team norms card: decision-rights, meeting purpose templates, and “no with context” examples.
- A quarterly retro: “What did we learn about our patterns?” Celebrate progress openly.
Addressing Executive Skepticism (Without Going Woo-Woo)
Skepticism is healthy. Here’s how to translate this work into hard business terms:
- ROI lens: Rework from misaligned decisions, attrition of top talent, and stalled initiatives dwarf the cost of developing emotional mastery. Track cycle time, decision latency, and regrettable attrition before and after.
- Time lens: Boundaries and clarity give you back hours each week. Leaders report 20–30% more deep work time when they protect guardrail calendars.
- Risk lens: Regulated leaders de-risk high-stakes negotiations, crisis response, and culture change. Boards notice steady hands.
If “feelings” talk turns your team off, reframe it as signal detection and noise reduction. You’re training pattern recognition—in yourselves.
Why This Matters Now
We’re operating in persistent volatility: markets shift, tech disrupts, teams distribute, generations collide. In uncertain conditions, people follow the most regulated nervous system in the room. That’s you. If you can’t distinguish thought from feeling, urgency from importance, or habit from choice, your organization will mirror the confusion.
When you can, everything gets easier:
- Strategy lands cleanly.
- Teams move with purpose.
- Performance becomes sustainable.
This is the quiet edge. Your competitors can copy your features. They can’t easily copy your leaders’ inner clarity.
A Personal Note on Practice
I wish I could promise a switch you flip. What I can promise is a practice that works. You’ll put on the “healthy mask,” as I joked in our conversation, and under stress you’ll slip—back to the comfortable, old, practiced response. That doesn’t mean you failed. It means you’re human and rewiring. Notice. Reset. Recommit. Over time, the sturdy, calm signal becomes home base.
The leaders who do this work become magnetic. They make braver calls. They retain better talent. They build cultures where people speak plainly, decide clearly, and execute consistently. They grow—personally and commercially.
If you take only three actions this week:
- Do the two-track check-in before your next high-stakes conversation.
- Say “no with context” once—protect a priority that matters.
- Start the 90-second reset when you feel triggered.
Small hinges swing big doors.
What happens in our inner world determines what we build in the outer one. Lead beyond logic, and watch your business catch up to your best self.
Listen to the full episode on C-Suite Radio: Disrupt & Innovate | C-Suite Network
Watch the episode: DI 110 Healing from Past Trauma to Unlock Personal & Professional Growth | Breakthrough Method
This article was drafted with the assistance of an AI writing assistant (Abacus.AI’s ChatLLM Teams) and edited by Lisa L. Levy for accuracy, tone, and final content.
