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Tag: personal growth

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Growth Health and Wellness

Embrace Serendipity – Opportunity Knocking

What do these things have in common?

You’re sitting next to someone on a plane who turns out to have a need for your services and becomes your next client or boss. Or having a spouse with a rare disease and running into a specialist at a friend’s party who happens to be the leading expert on that disease and winds up saving your partner’s life. Or buying a lottery ticket from a store that’s about to close and having a big win. Or it could be something on a smaller scale such as having a hummingbird hover right in front of you.

These are moments of serendipity when seemingly random events occur as if by chance in a way that benefits us or brings us joy and happiness unexpectedly.

Over the past few weeks I can think of at least three experiences I had that felt like serendipity in action:

Las Vegas

I was invited to attend and speak at an event in Las Vegas on The Future of Blockchain and Web 3.0 entitled The Takeover and hosted by Real Vision, a media company I had been unfamiliar with until then. It was a highly curated event of some of the most progressive, bright, forward-thinking entrepreneurs and leaders in the space.

I met a lot of interesting and amazing people during the course of the event. But one individual and I connected pretty deeply across multiple dimensions; he was truly a kindred spirit, and we bonded instantly.

Weird things kept happening to us as if we were in our own little orbit. We’d discuss something rather abstract or obtuse, and the next thing you know someone would join us out of nowhere and bring up the topic we had just been talking about. Or we’d say a strange uncommon word and someone would show up next to us and say it right after. It was noticeably odd and this phenomenon repeated itself time and again.

We experienced the bulk of the event together from then on, and have remained connected since. That depth of connection just doesn’t happen that often. I feel like I’ve met a great new colleague, friend, and possible collaborator. Serendipity in action.

Safe Travels

Then when all the chaos was going on during the holidays with thousands of flights being canceled, I just sailed out of my home airport with ease and my arrival at my destination couldn’t have been smoother. When it was time to reverse course, my flights were delayed heading home (from two different airports), and when I arrived at the second airport, the flight departing prior to the one I was booked on, (which was delayed by a couple of hours) happened to be boarding just as I arrived at the gate — and I was able to hop on and secure a preferred seat near the front. I felt like I was being looked after and treated with kid gloves. It was all so seamless.

An Old Friend Reunited

I was recently running an errand and was led to take a detour down a side street I never go down where a childhood friend lives that I’d been estranged from for 20 years. She happened to be outside in front of her house, which she never is, and recognized me as I was driving by. She yelled “is that you,” and I stopped. We spent three hours together catching up, which was deeply healing for us, and we are now back in each other’s lives. I’m thrilled.

Why does it seem like some people experience more serendipity than others? I guess the question is, can we prepare ourselves to find things we’re not looking for when they show up? Are these events purely random or can they be cultivated?

3 Tips for Bringing More Serendipity into Your Life

  1. Stay alert and aware — I believe there’s a certain pattern recognition you can foster within yourself that allows you to be receptive to seeing connections and opportunities that others might miss.
  2. Be receptive — If you’re curious and open-minded, you’ll naturally be operating within the realm of possibility and that tends to foster and dare I say “encourage” (and even anticipate) more of these moments arising for you. It can help to assume you have special powers that allow you to perceive opportunities like antennas that may alert you to clues (and patterns as referenced above) where you may connect the dots more readily than others.
  3. Trust your intuition and follow it — We all have a built-in guidance system that some feel is tied to a higher power (myself included), which is geared to guide us to optimal outcomes if we just honor it when it arises. The three examples I provided above are just a few ‘chance’ encounters that happen for me more consistently than not, and intuition can work for you as well if you tune in and follow where you’re being led. The right people, opportunities, and circumstances can line up in your favor when you do so; it happens to me too often to be considered random.

Give some careful thought to all of this and resolve to pay better attention moving forward. Be better prepared when opportunity knocks. Then enjoy the moments that follow.

Categories
Growth Health and Wellness

Embrace Serendipity – Opportunity Knocking

What do these things have in common?

You’re sitting next to someone on a plane who turns out to have a need for your services and becomes your next client or boss. Or having a spouse with a rare disease and running into a specialist at a friend’s party who happens to be the leading expert on that disease and winds up saving your partner’s life. Or buying a lottery ticket from a store that’s about to close and having a big win. Or it could be something on a smaller scale such as having a hummingbird hover right in front of you.

These are moments of serendipity when seemingly random events occur as if by chance in a way that benefits us or brings us joy and happiness unexpectedly.

Over the past few weeks I can think of at least three experiences I had that felt like serendipity in action:

Las Vegas

I was invited to attend and speak at an event in Las Vegas on The Future of Blockchain and Web 3.0 entitled The Takeover and hosted by Real Vision, a media company I had been unfamiliar with until then. It was a highly curated event of some of the most progressive, bright, forward-thinking entrepreneurs and leaders in the space.

I met a lot of interesting and amazing people during the course of the event. But one individual and I connected pretty deeply across multiple dimensions; he was truly a kindred spirit, and we bonded instantly.

Weird things kept happening to us as if we were in our own little orbit. We’d discuss something rather abstract or obtuse, and the next thing you know someone would join us out of nowhere and bring up the topic we had just been talking about. Or we’d say a strange uncommon word and someone would show up next to us and say it right after. It was noticeably odd and this phenomenon repeated itself time and again.

We experienced the bulk of the event together from then on, and have remained connected since. That depth of connection just doesn’t happen that often. I feel like I’ve met a great new colleague, friend, and possible collaborator. Serendipity in action.

Safe Travels

Then when all the chaos was going on during the holidays with thousands of flights being canceled, I just sailed out of my home airport with ease and my arrival at my destination couldn’t have been smoother. When it was time to reverse course, my flights were delayed heading home (from two different airports), and when I arrived at the second airport, the flight departing prior to the one I was booked on, (which was delayed by a couple of hours) happened to be boarding just as I arrived at the gate — and I was able to hop on and secure a preferred seat near the front. I felt like I was being looked after and treated with kid gloves. It was all so seamless.

An Old Friend Reunited

I was recently running an errand and was led to take a detour down a side street I never go down where a childhood friend lives that I’d been estranged from for 20 years. She happened to be outside in front of her house, which she never is, and recognized me as I was driving by. She yelled “is that you,” and I stopped. We spent three hours together catching up, which was deeply healing for us, and we are now back in each other’s lives. I’m thrilled.

Why does it seem like some people experience more serendipity than others? I guess the question is, can we prepare ourselves to find things we’re not looking for when they show up? Are these events purely random or can they be cultivated?

3 Tips for Bringing More Serendipity into Your Life

  1. Stay alert and aware — I believe there’s a certain pattern recognition you can foster within yourself that allows you to be receptive to seeing connections and opportunities that others might miss.
  2. Be receptive — If you’re curious and open-minded, you’ll naturally be operating within the realm of possibility and that tends to foster and dare I say “encourage” (and even anticipate) more of these moments arising for you. It can help to assume you have special powers that allow you to perceive opportunities like antennas that may alert you to clues (and patterns as referenced above) where you may connect the dots more readily than others.
  3. Trust your intuition and follow it — We all have a built-in guidance system that some feel is tied to a higher power (myself included), which is geared to guide us to optimal outcomes if we just honor it when it arises. The three examples I provided above are just a few ‘chance’ encounters that happen for me more consistently than not, and intuition can work for you as well if you tune in and follow where you’re being led. The right people, opportunities, and circumstances can line up in your favor when you do so; it happens to me too often to be considered random.

Give some careful thought to all of this and resolve to pay better attention moving forward. Be better prepared when opportunity knocks. Then enjoy the moments that follow.

Categories
Growth Leadership Personal Development

Made a Mistake? Here’s How to Begin Fixing It

Whether it was intentional or unintentional, sometimes we simply screw up. 

Own It: 

There’s nothing more frustrating than when someone refuses to take responsibility for their behaviors and actions-especially when those behaviors and actions caused harm. While we’re often so willing to overlook and forgive an error in judgment or a transgression, we tend to hang onto it more tightly when the person who caused the harm refuses to own it. So, instead of blaming, making excuses, getting defensive, ignoring it or assuming the other person doesn’t need an explanation or apology, take responsibility for the part you played (whether it was intentional or unintentional) and own it. Now, in a case of betrayal or shattered trust, it’ll take more than that but you’re off to a good start.)

Use Their Language: 

Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts explains how there are different ways to communicate love and the secret to a love that lasts is found in communicating in the way your partner wants and needs to hear it. So, when trying to fix a major screw up, the same idea applies. It’s not about communicating your awareness, understanding or apology in a way that works for you but in the way that’ll resonate with the person you hurt. Do they need a kind gesture or a sincere apology? Convey your message in a way that works for them.

Remorse, Empathy, and Restitution: 

According to the dictionary, remorse is deep regret or guilt for a wrong committed. Empathy is the feeling that you understand and share another person’s experiences and emotions. Restitution is an act of restoring or a condition of being restored. When it comes to fixing a major screw up, these three conditions work beautifully together and lay the foundation for forgiveness. Now, sometimes an action can’t be fixed but is there something you can do to show your willingness to right the wrong? Here’s what these three together may sound like: “I’m so terribly sorry (remorse). I understand why you’d be upset. I get it and I’d be upset and hurt if you did that to me (empathy). What can I do to make it up to you?” (restitution).

Learn From It: 

Our actions emerge from our current level of awareness. When we’re coming from a place of fear and lack, our actions will represent that. When we’re in a place of love and abundance, our actions will represent that too. A major screw up is most likely coming from a place of fear and lack. If it’s coming from love and abundance, it was most definitely unintentional. In either case, learn from it to make sure you don’t do it again. Did you act without thinking? Fail to consider the consequences or the other person’s needs? Did an inflated ego or pride cause you to say or do something you now regret? Maybe learning from it and implementing a simple rule like: “Would I like that done to me?” If the answer is yes, do it and if the answer is no, don’t.

Self-Forgiveness and Paying it Forward:

Once you’ve taken responsibility for your actions and behavior, communicated in a way the person you hurt will understand, were remorseful, empathetic, offered restitution and learned from it, there are still a few more things you can do. Forgiveness takes time along with consistent effort to repair the damage done so have patience. The bigger the screw up the longer it can take because the person you hurt may be reeling from the shock, pain or anguish you caused and has to find new footing as they readjust to what they’ve just experienced by your actions. This process is now about them as they learn what role they may have played, what changes they need to make to feel valued, safe and secure again. While they’re working through it, healing, changing and growing as a result of what they’ve just been through, now is also the time to work on self-forgiveness. Sure, you may feel guilt and shame for the pain you caused but that doesn’t help anyone.

Forgiving yourself allows you to use what you’ve learned to grow, become a more awakened and enlightened version of yourself, and use your new awareness to not only ensure it won’t happen again, but to help others by what you now see so clearly. Paying it forward by preventing someone else from experiencing that pain doesn’t mean you didn’t cause the harm, but may just be what’s needed to prevent someone else from causing or being the recipient of a painful experience. Paying it forward also contributes to the greater good and that’s what life is all about.

Dr. Debi
Founder and CEO, The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute

Categories
Growth Leadership Personal Development

Made a Mistake? Here’s How to Begin Fixing It

Whether it was intentional or unintentional, sometimes we simply screw up. 

Own It: 

There’s nothing more frustrating than when someone refuses to take responsibility for their behaviors and actions-especially when those behaviors and actions caused harm. While we’re often so willing to overlook and forgive an error in judgment or a transgression, we tend to hang onto it more tightly when the person who caused the harm refuses to own it. So, instead of blaming, making excuses, getting defensive, ignoring it or assuming the other person doesn’t need an explanation or apology, take responsibility for the part you played (whether it was intentional or unintentional) and own it. Now, in a case of betrayal or shattered trust, it’ll take more than that but you’re off to a good start.)

Use Their Language: 

Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts explains how there are different ways to communicate love and the secret to a love that lasts is found in communicating in the way your partner wants and needs to hear it. So, when trying to fix a major screw up, the same idea applies. It’s not about communicating your awareness, understanding or apology in a way that works for you but in the way that’ll resonate with the person you hurt. Do they need a kind gesture or a sincere apology? Convey your message in a way that works for them.

Remorse, Empathy, and Restitution: 

According to the dictionary, remorse is deep regret or guilt for a wrong committed. Empathy is the feeling that you understand and share another person’s experiences and emotions. Restitution is an act of restoring or a condition of being restored. When it comes to fixing a major screw up, these three conditions work beautifully together and lay the foundation for forgiveness. Now, sometimes an action can’t be fixed but is there something you can do to show your willingness to right the wrong? Here’s what these three together may sound like: “I’m so terribly sorry (remorse). I understand why you’d be upset. I get it and I’d be upset and hurt if you did that to me (empathy). What can I do to make it up to you?” (restitution).

Learn From It: 

Our actions emerge from our current level of awareness. When we’re coming from a place of fear and lack, our actions will represent that. When we’re in a place of love and abundance, our actions will represent that too. A major screw up is most likely coming from a place of fear and lack. If it’s coming from love and abundance, it was most definitely unintentional. In either case, learn from it to make sure you don’t do it again. Did you act without thinking? Fail to consider the consequences or the other person’s needs? Did an inflated ego or pride cause you to say or do something you now regret? Maybe learning from it and implementing a simple rule like: “Would I like that done to me?” If the answer is yes, do it and if the answer is no, don’t.

Self-Forgiveness and Paying it Forward:

Once you’ve taken responsibility for your actions and behavior, communicated in a way the person you hurt will understand, were remorseful, empathetic, offered restitution and learned from it, there are still a few more things you can do. Forgiveness takes time along with consistent effort to repair the damage done so have patience. The bigger the screw up the longer it can take because the person you hurt may be reeling from the shock, pain or anguish you caused and has to find new footing as they readjust to what they’ve just experienced by your actions. This process is now about them as they learn what role they may have played, what changes they need to make to feel valued, safe and secure again. While they’re working through it, healing, changing and growing as a result of what they’ve just been through, now is also the time to work on self-forgiveness. Sure, you may feel guilt and shame for the pain you caused but that doesn’t help anyone.

Forgiving yourself allows you to use what you’ve learned to grow, become a more awakened and enlightened version of yourself, and use your new awareness to not only ensure it won’t happen again, but to help others by what you now see so clearly. Paying it forward by preventing someone else from experiencing that pain doesn’t mean you didn’t cause the harm, but may just be what’s needed to prevent someone else from causing or being the recipient of a painful experience. Paying it forward also contributes to the greater good and that’s what life is all about.

Dr. Debi
Founder and CEO, The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute