Let’s be honest—Mother’s Day isn’t a Hallmark holiday for everyone.
Sure, it’s meant to be a day of celebration—of soft embraces, flowers in bloom, and handwritten cards filled with gratitude. But for many, this day doesn’t feel like a celebration. It feels like a reckoning. A reminder. A wound.
Celebrating Mother’s Day without my own mom is still new to me. After years of watching her slip further and further away—first physically, then mentally, as dementia and Alzheimer’s slowly stole the woman I knew—her absence now feels both quiet and deafening. Even before she passed, I had already started grieving. Losing someone in fragments is its own kind of heartbreak.
I know I’m not alone in that. So many of us carry complicated relationships with the idea of motherhood—whether we’ve lost our mothers, never had the mother we needed, are navigating estrangement, have struggled with infertility or pregnancy loss, or are mothers ourselves, trying to live up to impossible standards while quietly wondering if we’re getting any of it right.
So how do we negotiate a day like this when it doesn’t match the script?
Honor Your Truth
The first and most important step? Allow yourself to feel what you actually feel—not what you think you should feel. Grief. Anger. Relief. Loneliness. Gratitude. All of it is valid. There’s no gold star for pretending everything’s fine. Give yourself permission to show up exactly as you are.
That might mean stepping away from social media for the day (or the weekend). It might mean skipping the family brunch or choosing not to send a card. You get to define what Mother’s Day looks like for you. That’s not selfish—it’s self-honoring.
Reframe the Day
If traditional Mother’s Day celebrations don’t resonate, reframe it. Instead of focusing solely on the mother you’ve lost—or the one you never had—consider expanding your definition of “mothering.” Maybe it’s a mentor who guided you when you needed it most. Maybe it’s a sister-friend who always shows up. Maybe it’s you. Yes, you—mothering yourself with tenderness and care in the way you may have longed for.
Try creating a new ritual: light a candle, write a letter, go for a solo walk, donate to a cause that uplifts women and girls. These simple acts can turn a painful day into a sacred one.
Set Boundaries with Grace
If your relationship with your mother—or your child—is strained, Mother’s Day can dredge up a lot of guilt and emotional landmines. Remember: it’s okay to draw boundaries. In fact, it’s necessary.
You don’t owe anyone your peace.
Set limits on the conversations you’re willing to have. Choose not to engage in forced rituals that leave you feeling depleted. Boundaries aren’t walls—they’re doorways to self-respect and healing.
Make Space for Grief and Gratitude
Grief and gratitude are not opposites—they often sit side by side, holding hands. You can miss your mother deeply and still be thankful for what she gave you—or what you’ve learned in her absence. You can resent the pain and still celebrate the love. It’s not a contradiction. It’s what makes us beautifully human.
For me, I miss the sound of my mom’s voice. Her laugh. Her stubbornness. I miss the way she could sometimes read my mind it seemed. But I also hold onto the lessons she passed down—about strength, resilience, and speaking truth, even when it’s hard.
You’re Not Alone
If this day feels heavy, know this: you are not alone. You’re not broken. You’re not bitter. You’re just real. And real is something to be celebrated—especially in a world that so often expects us to gloss over the hard stuff in favor of shiny surface smiles.
So whatever Mother’s Day looks like for you this year—whether it’s joyful, painful, quiet, loud, or some tangled mix of all of the above—I invite you to negotiate it on your own terms. Make space for your truth. Show yourself radical compassion. And remember: there’s power in rewriting the script.
