You Are Already a Negotiator Part I

You Are Already a Negotiator Part I

If you believe that you’re not equipped to negotiate effectively, think again. I’ve been hearing from a lot of prospective clients lately that they don’t believe they know how to negotiate, so I felt compelled to put out this piece. Women especially seem plagued by this limiting belief. But whether you identify as a woman, a man, or any of the spaces in between, I can assure you that you are already a negotiator.

In this two-part series, let’s take a few moments to bust the myths that lead you to believe you have no negotiating experience, because buying into that story has been holding you back from stepping into the full force of your power.

You don’t have to be a professional hostage negotiator to get what you want.

In fact, you’d be shocked at the statistics on relative success of hostage negotiations. They aren’t as effective as you’d think. Some would say they fail at getting best outcomes more often than they succeed. Even in Chris Voss’ book, Never Split the Difference, he’s transparent about the fact that they often don’t get their desired outcome through the negotiation process. History is replete with examples of failed hostage negotiations.

Yet I assure you that professional hostage negotiators don’t go around doubting their capabilities as negotiators. And neither should you. I’ve interviewed several hostage negotiators and they’d no doubt tell you that negotiating with your kids, for example, is solid preparation for hostage negotiation.

You don’t have to be a lawyer or business guru to get what you deserve.

In fact, we’ve been so conditioned in the corporate and professional world to take a competitive, ‘winner take all’ approach to negotiations that best outcomes for all are rarely achieved. Typically, in this adversarial approach, one or more of the parties walk away feeling dissatisfied and bitter about the process, outcome, and other party. This is not a great result and this short-sighted approach damages relationships.

Negotiation isn’t all about boardrooms and power suits. All of life is a negotiation. You engage in a myriad of negotiations every day – from negotiating with your intimate partner, kids, friends, service providers, and more. You have considerably more experience than you give yourself credit for. And chances are that in these negotiations, you’re mindful about the impact on the relationship. This already sets you above most lawyers or so-called business gurus. Being intentional about the relationship outcome you desire for any given negotiation is key (and often overlooked in law and in the corporate world).

You don’t have to be a ‘tough guy’ to get great outcomes.

Contrary to popular belief, toughness does not carry the day in negotiations. The person talking loudest and longest isn’t ‘winning’. In fact, the opposite is true. The most successful negotiators are good listeners who bring empathy to the table. The more you seek to understand the position and needs of the other party, the better the outcomes you’ll be able to get.

Great negotiators build rapport and trust. Being the ‘tough guy’ doesn’t achieve either of these goals. But I bet you bring these skills without even thinking about it when you engage in negotiations with the people in your life.

I invite you to recognize all the personal negotiations that you engage in on a daily basis and to think of all the great outcomes you’ve achieved in these negotiations without feeling the need to drop the hammer.

You don’t have to be aggressive to be taken seriously.

Most people confuse assertive with aggressive. They are not the same thing. Aggressive approaches do not get best outcomes. They destroy relationships. Assertiveness is an important skill, but it merely means showing up with the confidence that comes from knowledge (which comes from preparation). Anyone can take the time to prepare to get better negotiated outcomes. I suspect you do this already without even thinking about it.

These are just a brief introduction into the stories you’ve likely been telling yourself about negotiation. Join us next week as we continue to bust myths that made you believe you were not effective as a negotiator and as we point out the many ways that you are, in fact, already a negotiator.

Recognizing the ways in which you already negotiate is an important first step to owning your power. Getting intentional about applying and honing the skills will take you to the next level so you can get more of what you want and deserve while also getting best outcomes for all.

As always, if you’re looking to further up-level your skills, be sure to reach out. I have everything from online, to group, to one-on-one VIP coaching and Mastermind programs available to help you better leverage your innate power so you can negotiate your best life.