Perils of Failing to Properly Prepare for Negotiation Part II

Preparation is the secret sauce that gives you maximum leverage in a negotiation. Yet, it’s often overlooked … or at least not done rigorously or effectively. Most people are so focused on what they want, they don’t spend time on how to best achieve it. That’s a mistake. Preparation gives you power in a negotiation. This series is dedicated to examining the perils of failing to properly prepare and demonstrating how to improve your preparation to get maximum results.

In Part I we explored why preparation is important and the pitfalls of ignoring the process. This week we’ll uncover the first of three simple preparation models you can use to boost your effectiveness in the art of influence and persuasion.

With my high-end Mastermind clients, I advocate adopting a trilogy of simple models as an essential part of the preparation process for all your negotiations (both personal and professional).

No F.E.A.R. Negotiating

First, start with my signature NO F.E.A.R. Negotiating model. It’s a great tool to undertake at the outset so you can strip away dangerous traps that can get in the way of your ability to show up as the best version of yourself. This simple acronym can change how you approach bargaining, so you get better results.

When you approach your negotiations without Fear, Ego, Attachment, or Reactivity (F.E.A.R), you’ll have more control, ease, clarity, confidence and perspective – all of which will help you keep your eye on the outcome to increase your chances of getting what you want, or more.

Fear

First, consider what fears you may bring to the table. When you approach negotiations with fear, you undermine your effectiveness (both internally and externally) before you even get a chance to convey your message.

Some of the most popular fear factors to consider include: fear of failure, success, losing, missing out, the unknown, being judged, and fear of ‘No’. Identifying the fears that may raise their ugly heads is usually half the battle in diluting their power. Letting go of your fear or using it to fuel you will increase your clarity and confidence and with it, your persuasiveness and results.

When you’ve explored the possible fears that may hinder your effectiveness, be sure to consider the fears that may drive the other party. Considering this in advance will equip you to address those fears if they arise. This is a significant advantage and sadly often overlooked part of the preparation process.

Ego

Next, consider how ego is likely to show up for you in the negotiation. Ego can be the kiss of death in negotiations. If you let ego drive you, you lose control of the negotiation.  You’ll be easier to manipulate, less able to assess information accurately and your perspective will be skewed. You’ll be less likely to recognize opportunities that may arise or alternatives that could lead to better outcomes.

Ego can show up in a number of ways. Here’s a few of the most obvious: need to win, need to look good, inability to admit you don’t know, talking too much, wanting to be liked. Do any of these resonate with you? I know I’ve been guilty of a few in my day.

When you consider your ego tells in advance, you can get more intentional about keeping the focus on the other party and their needs. This will lead to better results. I’ve seen many a deal tank because ego stepped in and common sense exited the building.

As always, once you’ve identified how ego could detract from your effectiveness, turn your attention to how ego is likely to show up for the other party. Considering this in advance will allow you to prepare for how to best deal with it and turn it to your advantage.

Attachment

Once you have a handle on your potential fear and ego triggers, turn your attention to any attachment issues that may surface and interfere with your negotiation.  Presumably you’re going into the negotiation because you have an objective you’d like to achieve. Be careful not to become so attached to the outcome that you lose perspective.

Sometimes we get so attached to the idea of getting the deal that we continue to bargain and/or accept settlements that don’t serve us.

Be prepared to walk away from a deal if the outcome doesn’t really work for you. Trust that another deal is waiting for you around the corner. The hallmark of a great negotiator is knowing when to walk away. The beauty is that you don’t stomp away in anger or angst, but rather, because you weren’t too attached to the outcome. This is a powerful place from which to bargain.

Having said that, as per my A.R.E. F.I.T. model (to be discussed in Part IV), being flexible is a great asset in bargaining. Not being too attached to a particular outcome doesn’t necessarily mean walking away. It can also mean being open to other alternatives. Effective negotiation is about winning better where possible, getting creative and cooperating to look for better results.

Reactivity

Whether you’re a reactive personality generally, or subject to specific triggers, I invite you to be willing to do the inner work necessary to manage sensitivities that inhibit your effectiveness as a negotiator. Your success as a negotiator depends, in part, on your ability to remain centered, calm, collected and compelling. If it’s easy to push your buttons, you’ll lose control and be easy to manipulate. By contrast, if you’re able to maintain your equilibrium, you’ll be more persuasive and powerful.

Some people will try to poke and provoke in bargaining. Imagine the power shift when you’re able to remain unaffected by these tactics. When you don’t ‘blow’, you deprive the other party of the wind in their sails they need to get traction. Without your ‘steam’ to fuel them, they’ll sputter and stall.

You may also face unintended provocations, where someone inadvertently hits on one of your triggers. Think of the advantage of not reacting from a place of hurt, anger, or frustration, but instead getting curious from a place of objectivity. Then, you can make decisions from a place of certainty, with a view to achieving your desired outcome.

As always, also consider the possible triggers of the other party so you can be sure to avoid unnecessary reactivity that could tank a potentially beneficial deal.

This No F.E.A.R. model is the first leg of our foundational triad. If you incorporate this simple model as a regular part of your negotiation preparation process, you will dramatically increase your influence and persuasive abilities.

If you want to explore this model in more depth, grab a copy of my FREE ebook, No F.E.A.R. Negotiating.

To increase that power exponentially, stay tuned next week where we’ll uncover 5 Secret Weapons to more effective negotiating.