“Alternative facts are aversions to the truth, to the degree that the truth remains concealed.” -Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator & Body Language Expert
“Okay. If you say that wasn’t you, I’ll believe you. Just know, the person I saw from 15 feet away looked just like you. Even more, when I called your name, the person that wasn’t you turned around, saw me, and hurriedly left the area. As that person scurried away, they walked like you, too.”
Do you know why some people will allow others to lie to them, accept the lie, and be okay doing so? The answer lies in one’s current circumstances and the environment they’re in.
1. Some people will subjugate themselves because of their circumstances (e.g. the liar is the one that pays the bills, earns the money in the relationship, is dominant in the relationship, etc.)
2. They do so for the better good of others that are involved.
3. In other cases, the target of the lie wants to be perceived as fitting into the norms of the group they belong to; to do otherwise might mean expulsion from the group.
4. In yet other situations, it’s easier for some people to accept an altered reality because the truth would hurt too badly (e.g. I can’t believe they’d do that to me. It must not be true.)
5. Some people may go along for a while to see what a liar will do next.
Here’s the point. We’re all driven by our emotions. Thus, our emotions will lend insight into what we’re willing to believe and accept. It’s not until that belief is too heavy a burden to bear that we change our beliefs about others and ourselves. That’s when we’ll take our life in a new direction.
Always be aware of why someone possesses certain beliefs. Having that insight will allow you to understand the person’s source of motivation and thinking. That will also allow you to better assist that individual in determining what reality really is. You’ll be able to use that to benefit yourself and them … and everything will be right with the world.
What does this have to do with negotiations?
In a negotiation, there will be times when you sense that the other negotiator is lying. You may gather such sensations from the manner that the opposing negotiator conveys certain sentiments via their body language (e.g. leaning away when defining a statement as the truth, altering the pitch of their voice while constantly looking away from you when doing so, fidgeting with other items in their proximity).
In such situations, it may behoove you to allow the liar to continue his lies to understand the characteristics of the person you’re dealing with. You may also do so if he’s telling little white lies so as not to embarrass him. Then, when that position no longer serves you, consider confronting him to validate his perception of the truth versus what he professes it to be.
Always remember, people will only do to you what you allow them to do. That means you have a degree of control in every environment you’re in. When it comes to dealing with those that lie incessantly, recognize them for who and what they are and deal with them appropriately.
Remember, you’re always negotiating!
After reading this article, what are you thinking? I’d really like to know. Reach me at Greg@TheMasterNegotiator.com
To receive Greg’s free “Negotiation Tip of the Week” and the “Sunday Negotiation Insight” click here http://www.themasternegotiator.com/greg-williams/
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