How to Use Sensuality to Negotiate More Effectively

I know what you may be thinking from the title of this post – what does sensuality have to do with negotiation? These are not words commonly used together. But learning about sensuality and sensual confidence can be key in helping you become a more effective negotiator.

I recently interviewed Candia Raquel, founder of Centro de Poder (Power Center). Candia is dedicated to helping workaholic women feel sensually confident by moving with postural presence and teaching them how they can use this to get better outcomes. Today I will be sharing some of the most valuable insights from our interview with you.

What is Sensuality?

Given our unacknowledged hang-ups about sex in North American culture, the word ‘sensuality’ is often misconstrued and carries baggage for many. Sensuality is simply sensing pleasure through the senses. If you raise your awareness, it can act like a thermometer for how you’re really feeling. You can use it as your North star to see if you need a course correction. The body never lies. Sensuality is your primal indicator of what’s going on. Ignore it at your peril.

As humans, we are often driven by desire. This means we tend to focus on getting what we want, unaware of our experiences on a physical level. In doing so, we miss valuable opportunities for better outcomes in life.

We are conditioned to seek our desired outcomes through pushing, hustling, struggling and enduring. This mindset can be counter-productive. When we’re striving and driving to achieve (i.e. I want the house, the boat, the degree, etc.), believing we won’t be satisfied until we get the ‘thing’ (whatever that may be in a given situation), the effort outweighs the perceived benefit and we abandon the dream or goal.

Likewise, in our negotiations, if the process is not pleasurable, and in fact is uncomfortable, you will not be as effective. You won’t get the buy-in, long-term agreements, better relationships, or most creative solutions.

How Does Sensuality Improve Negotiations?

Candia explained that once you tap into your sensuality, you will find a natural organization, flow and pacing that leads to a smoother process and better results. You will have acute information about what is going on, especially in challenging situations such as negotiations. In our negotiations, we typically look for the so-called ‘win’, focusing our energy on the other person or outcome or how we’ll respond, rather than being in the moment through the sensual experience.

In a negotiation, when you come from a place of feeling good, enjoying the process, and taking the risk, it is a much more effective approach than coming from a place of being deprived of pleasure and taking something from someone. The difference between these two mindsets can really change the outcome of a negotiation.

If you come from this ‘hungry ghost’ place in bargaining, devoid of pleasure, you show up differently. It’s a more powerful approach to show up from a place of enjoyment and desire, seeking to listen to the other party and experience the process.

Even when we achieve our goals, we often block ourselves from experiencing sensual pleasure because we aren’t used to it. However, if you retrain yourself to enjoy the sensual pleasure while achieving your goals, you’ll enjoy the pleasure when you get there too. In other words, tap into your sensuality to enjoy the journey and in so doing get better overall results.

Confidence rooted in sensuality means that you are not only confident about your previous successes and knowledge, but you are confident about and in the present moment. Your words, expression, and position can all change the negotiation in the moment, no matter how much previous knowledge and success you have. Your sensual confidence shows the strength of your presence.

Masculine vs Feminine Energy

We have been conditioned to define success based on a competitive, masculine model. Both men and women came to see their feminine as a liability and believed they had to show up with a more aggressive energy to be successful.

We are in a historical moment where we are redefining these reference points and reminding ourselves how to tap into our sensuality, pleasure, and warmth to show up as full versions of ourselves both personally and professionally as we negotiate our best lives. Coming forth with all that you are allows you to take back your center of power and with it, increased creativity.

The Three Ps

Candia explained her signature 3P model to unlock sensuality in yourself. The three P’s stand for posture, presence, and pleasure.

1. Posture

Posture is how your body is doing – If your posture is collapsed, the effect will ripple into your presence.

1. Presence

Presence is how you are seen. When you get intentional about being in the moment, fully there for and engaged with the other party, you will be present. If you lose your presence, you lose your advantage.

1. Pleasure

Pleasure is how you are feeling in the moment. How your body is feeling physically will tell you a lot about if you are uncomfortable or if something is going wrong. Tune in to your body and use that to guide you.

You need all three P’s for sensuality to happen. In a negotiation, some people will collapse into smallness and fall into what Candia calls the disease to please. On the other hand, others go into a negotiation with the competitive model showing ego and arrogance. When you approach a negotiation in either of these ways, making yourself taller than you are or shrinking yourself down, it takes away from your sensuality.

It takes sensuality to have strong enough confidence to show up with a willingness to be seen just as you are, be fully present, and step into your feminine power. When you do this, it sets the tone for the negotiation, you enjoy the process, and it can lead to better outcomes even in the most challenging negotiations.

These tips are sure to serve both men and women by remembering the three Ps of sensuality and tapping in your feminine energy to become a more effective negotiator.

Check out the full interview with Candia on Apple Podcast, Art of Feminine Negotiation Podcast.

Or if you’re more visual, check out the video on our Women On Purpose & Subscribe Please.