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Month: May 2022

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Growth Health and Wellness Leadership

The Beautiful Art of Being Honorable

 

By Kelli Richards
The Beautiful Art of Being Honorable
May 31, 2022

Almost everyone knows “The Golden Rule.”  Essentially “do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” It seems to me people used to treat each other with more kindness and respect, with an intent to honor their commitments to one another, and to lift each other up with an eye towards improving and enhancing each other’s lives. Was that some utopian vision of yore?

I hope not. But in recent times it appears those social mores have gone by the boards. Maybe, however, as conscious individuals, many of us will do what we can to restore them in our daily rounds and interactions with others. Because to do so is a sign of embracing our humanity and empathy and is something we are in control of.

What it Means to be Honorable and Why it Matters

Another timeless saying in our society is, “your word is your bond.” The implication is that we act with honor and integrity and that when we make a commitment to someone or something, we follow-through and do what we say we’re going to. People can count on us; we are accountable. And again, that seems to be something that’s more the exception than the norm. We need to be able to count on each other in life and in business; it’s how we make our decisions about who to be in a relationship with – in our choices of partners, friends, and in our business colleagues, bosses and the businesses and organizations we choose to engage with.

When people behave honorably and honor their word, that’s when trust develops. Without it, at best we become cynical and operate at arm’s length with others – and life can become a long slow trod through enemy territory where we have to be on our guard at every corner.

On the other hand, when we engage with people who are honorable (and we are ourselves), we can relax and be our authentic selves, do our best work, and have an impact in creating the type of society and communities we choose to live in, a world where we have each others’ backs, and where we can count on each others’ support. That’s the type of role model we seek to create as an influence on our children and future generations. In this orientation, we can truly thrive.

How Being Honorable Makes a Difference for Ourselves and Others

There are many facets of how this looks and plays out – many examples beyond what we can cover in this brief article. One is transparency in business. Are we authentic and straightforward with our partners, colleagues, clients and shareholders in good times and bad, even when things have gone awry? Another is practicing kindness to others. Instead of bemoaning that a homeless person comes into an outdoor dining area with their shopping cart and sits among you and your fellow diners – do you chastise them and wish they would leave, or do you pick up the tab for their meal realizing one act of kindness can have a ripple effect to relieve someone’s misery and an otherwise challenging existence? And of course, there is being honorable to yourself. When you make a commitment to improve your own health and well-being, do you do what you said you were going to do in terms of regular exercise, eating healthy food, and practicing other self-care habits that can get you there, or do you succumb to self-sabotaging habits that contributed to the state you’re in that you’re seeking to shift out of? These are all things that can not only improve our own condition and that of our society (one act and mindful commitment at a time) – but that have a ripple effect on those we engage with. And the best news is that we’re in full control of behaving honorably many times in a given day.

 

Ideas to Improve Being Honorable as Part of a Mindful Practice

*When you make a commitment to yourself and others, show up and take action, and do what you said you would do (simple as that). If you can’t or you’ve changed your mind, choose again, recommit to your new direction, and let others know what they CAN count on you for.

*Be authentic and transparent – that’s honoring in and of itself. If a mistake gets made or circumstances change and you can’t honor your original intention – let those around you know, take ownership and responsibility, and share what you are willing to do from here forward. Don’t disappear, “ghost” others, and retreat – that’s cowardly and makes problems worse.

*Adopt a mindset of kindness and do what you can to support the well- being and success of others when you can. It can be simple gestures like smiling and waving at others, lending an ear or a shoulder to someone who’s having a challenging time, or something more complex like making a referral or writing a check when you can that has the potential to make a real difference in someone’s life. You’re literally investing in someone else’s success and paying it forward. What would life be like if more of us chose to behave this way on an ongoing basis?

We don’t have control of a lot in this complex world – especially in times of challenge and chaos as we’ve been enduring with the pandemic and other global circumstances of late, but we DO have control over how we treat ourselves, and how we interact with others – which with daily practice and intent can have a ripple effect in creating the type of society and world we choose to inhabit. What are you doing to practice being honorable? I’d really be interested to know.

 

Categories
Growth Health and Wellness

What You Need When You’re Healing from Betrayal

What’s one of the most important things you need when it comes to healing from betrayal?

Willingness.

Check your willingness. We have two types of people who leave the PBT Institute. The first is this type. They’re through Stage five (out of the Five Stages from Betrayal to Breakthrough). They come in at Stage two or Stage three, and they leave at Stage five. That’s when they’re supposed to leave. They’ve been transformed. They’ve completely moved through their experience. They’re healed, they’re different and they’re enjoying their new life, level of health, relationships, confidence and more.

The second type of person who leaves The PBT Institute… is the one who is unwilling to do the work to heal. They may have had the best of intentions but when they realized that healing from betrayal is going to require doing things differently, they weren’t up for it.

Here’s something I’m realizing about the many people who email and message me daily about how much pain they’re in and how badly they want to heal.

Just because you’ve been betrayed doesn’t mean you’re ready to heal from your betrayal. There’s a very big difference and here’s a question to ask yourself.

Are you willing to heal from shattered trust and betrayal?

You may be surprised by your answer if you’re totally honest with yourself. Why? You need to let go of your story and all it’s giving you. You need to move through some dark places, some unknown and unfamiliar territory. While moving through it is to get to a healed space, because it’s different, we often choose to stay right where we are.

I did a PhD study on betrayal and thought that the people who were the hardest hit would grow the least because they had the most to overcome.

 

That had nothing to do with their healing.

One of the biggest factors in their healing was willingness. It was the ones who had that “whatever it takes” attitude, the ones who put their heads down and said, “I’m not picking it up until I’m out the other side” were the ones who healed. Those were the ones who blew the doors off of the ones who weren’t as willing.

So check your resistance. Even though you think you want to heal, you’re going to have to change. You’re going to have to lose all the small-self benefits you get from your story. What are some of those benefits?

Being right, having someone to blame, getting sympathy from other people are just a few. There are so many things you give up but here’s a visual to explain what holding onto these things does to you.

Have you ever seen someone on a trapeze? They can hold on to one of the bars and they can swing and grab onto the other bar. But if you notice, they’re not going anywhere until they let go of that first bar. That’s the willingness you need to heal from your experience.

Are you willing to let go of your story and all it gives you? I get to know every member who comes into The PBT Institute. The ones who do the best aren’t the ones who’ve just been betrayed. It’s the ones who are ready and willing to heal.

Dr. Debi
Founder and CEO, The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute

 

Categories
Best Practices Culture Entrepreneurship Health and Wellness Human Resources Management News and Politics

Active Shooter – Are You Prepared?

 

By Brian Searcy
Active Shooter – Are You Prepared?

May 28, 2022

I am sure that most if not all of you are aware of what happened in Uvalde TX on Tuesday.  19 Young Students and 2 Teachers Killed in a horrific School Shooting at Robb Elementary School. Our prayers go out to the entire Uvalde Community.

We are starting to get a report that the door that the shooter entered through was unlocked.  That is consistent with what I saw from the video of him entering the school.  With most of our clients, prior to participating in our Situational Awareness Programs, it was not an unusual occurrence for doors to be unlocked, to be propped open, for people to be able to “hitch hike” into the building.

And this didn’t just apply to businesses, schools and churches.  It applies to you in your home as well.  The number of examples we have of people being victims because they do not lock their home, turn outside lights on, leave their cars unlocked are way too many to count.

What we do know.  After going through our program, Situational Awareness Habits, Behaviors, and Mindset were learned and developed through the continuous practice of their process.  They now keep the doors closed and locked and have a continuous awareness of what is going on around them.

An active shooting event like this, unfortunately today, can happen anywhere, not just at schools.

Details are still coming in.  Could this event have been prevented if there had been different training, if the people in the school and community had learned and developed Situational Awareness?  As mentioned above about the unlocked door, perhaps it could have been prevented, or a locked door could have added some additional “time and space” to all the emergency responders to arrive.

But we may never know.  What we do know is that you, your family, your schools & churches, your businesses & your communities are more safe when this skill is part of your safety, security, mental health and leadership learning programs.

 

You are able to identify the changes in behavior, the indicators of potential problems, AND be empowered to do something about it.

Many people today do notice behaviors, even indicators, but then they do not ACT on it.

Remember, the World is Not a Safe Place today.

HOPE IS NOT A STRATEGY!

Have you thought about what you would do in this type of situation?  Do you know what you are capable of doing?  Are you looking for the indicators so that you can potentially stop these types of events from happening?

If you have not developed your Situational Awareness Habits, Behaviors and Mindset and to not practice a process, give the Paratus Group a call.

Remember, WE are the First Responders.

Contact us to get the training you need.

Brian Searcy, Col (Ret) USAF

President – Paratus Group

Brian@Paratus.Group

940.231.3195

 

Categories
Best Practices Growth Human Resources Leadership Personal Development

How Can I Spend My Time Wisely on LinkedIn?

 

How Can I Spend My Time Wisely on LinkedIn?

In networking sessions and master classes I’m often asked by people what they should be doing on LinkedIn when they’re on the platform. Here are my recommendations.

Be strategic

You probably have heard that you should be active on LinkedIn, so you’ve logged on. Good for you. But what can you do there that will achieve results?

Let’s begin with the end in mind. Let’s say that the results you want are:

PURPOSE 1: To nurture key business relationships and establish new ones,

PURPOSE 2: To be top of mind when someone is in need of someone just like you,

PURPOSE 3: To cultivate your reputation as an expert in a specific area,

or all of the above.

It is important to be strategic with your interactions and frugal with your time. So, set a timer for 15 minutes and begin.

Check your messages icon daily

If you have received new messages, the number of messages you’ve received will be superimposed over the messaging icon. Many people are using LinkedIn as a principal way to communicate – instead of email. And they expect you to respond. (To fail to do so would violate Purpose #1 above.) If you absolutely have time for only one thing on LinkedIn, checking your messages should be it.

Are you getting an unwanted sales pitch from a vendor? If you have no interest in that, use the auto response LinkedIn provides to indicate that that you’re not interested and move on quickly. Don’t waste time on these; they are probably automatic messages anyway.

If you have received a message from a client or colleague, respond as thoroughly as you would if the message came to you via email. Remember that every message you send reflects on you and your personal brand. (This also relates to Purpose #1 above.)

Check your notifications icon

Here you’ll find posts made by people that LinkedIn has selected for you to hear from, based on LinkedIn’s proprietary AI algorithm. In addition, you’re likely to see some notifications about birthdays and work anniversaries. Here’s how to respond.

Posts: Look at the posts LinkedIn has chosen to notify you about. If someone who is important to you has posted something, take time to read their post and respond with a Like AND a comment. (A Like by itself shows little engagement and gets you little notice.) Make sure your response adds value to the person who posted, to others reading your comment, and to yourself. (Relates to Purposes 1, 2 & 3.) If you think about it, you will understand that adding value excludes the throw-away comments (e.g., Congrats!, Great article., You go, girl., etc.) Instead, seek to add a comment that will cause someone else to want to read the post/article by spotlighting something specific. Validate it with an example. Amplify it with an additional case. Give the author something meaty to reply to so that a dialog can begin. Does this take more time than “Great article?” Yes, it does, but by pausing to formulate a meaningful response you are addressing all three Purposes, so this is a win.

Birthdays and work anniversaries: When you see a notification of a birthday or a work anniversary, consider it as an opportunity to say hello to those who are important to you and the opportunity to renew an acquaintanceship that has gone stale – the proverbial foot in the door. (Relates to Purposes 1 and 2.)

Do not waste time if you don’t really know the person – we don’t know a lot of our connections. But IF you decide you’d like to wish them a happy birthday, don’t just click the button. Think of Purpose #1. To nurture a relationship, you need to go beyond the robo message. Navigate to their profile, select send a message, and craft a sincerely communicated thought. I add a photo of something festive. Consider how you can send a greeting that will be memorable and consistent with your brand.

What about work anniversaries? Strangest notification ever, right? Let the lion’s share of these messages pass right on by, but if you’re wanting to re-engage with that person, this is an opportunity for you. Your personalized message might be something like: “George, I see you are still at XYZ company. Congratulations. I so enjoyed working with you on the ABC project back in the day.” And then continue with information about what you are currently doing or an opportunity to catch up over coffee or Zoom.

Look at your homepage feed

The timer you set should still be ticking, so that you don’t disappear down a rabbit hole. Scroll quickly to see if there is anything – or anyone (remember Purpose 1) – that deserves your attention. Every response reflects your brand and should add value to the conversation.

Check your network icon – at least once a week

Under this icon you will find connection requests (Purpose 1), opportunities to follow company pages and newsletters, and events. Just because you are asked to connect, follow, or attend, doesn’t mean that you are obliged to do so. These are opportunities; you are the one who gets to decide. Your time is precious.

Write some rules for yourself about the kinds of people you will admit to your network and those you won’t. Ignore the people who clearly fall outside your rules. If you’re not sure, check out their profile to see if they are a fit before you act.

As for the events and opportunities, the people who invited you will not receive a notification if you hit “ignore.”

Create your own posts regularly, on a schedule you can maintain

Whether you are posting, curating an article you found valuable, or writing your own commentary about something important to you, content creation relates primarily to Purpose 3, cultivating your reputation as an expert. You may need to extend your timer for this task, to do a good job writing a post or article. Don’t let writing consume too much of your time, but know that the more you post and demonstrate your expertise, the more likely people are to remember you when they hear of a need you can fill (Purpose 2).

When your timer is done, go on to the rest of your work day, knowing that you have used LinkedIn efficiently and to your best advantage. Strategic use of your time on LinkedIn will help you nurture important business relationships, help your name come to mind when an opportunity arises, and reinforce people’s appreciation of your expertise.

speaker holding microphoneNamed one of six top branding experts in 2022 by The American Reporter, over the past ten years, I’ve helped countless C-level clients use LinkedIn to frame conversations, impress suitors and customers, and introduce themselves before their first conversation takes place. If you are a C-suite executive or senior leader, I can make this easy for you. Based on my knowledge of how LinkedIn works and how people respond to what they see there, I can ensure everything is ready and your profile conveys exactly the message and impression you’re aiming for. Let me help you attract the talent you want to hire, increase your visibility and influence, and steer your career.

 

book cover
To order an author-signed book, see: https://carolkaemmerer.com/books

To order an author-signed book, see: https://carolkaemmerer.com/books

Contact me through my website https://carolkaemmerer.com for:

  • Executive one-on-one assistance with your online brand
  • Professional speaking engagements on personal brand and LinkedIn
  • An autographed copy of my book, LinkedIn for the Savvy Executive-2nd Edition
  • My self-paced, online course
  • To receive my articles in your email mailbox monthly

My award-winning book, LinkedIn for the Savvy Executive-2nd Edition received BookAuthority’s “Best LinkedIn Books of All Time” award, was named one of the “Top 100+ Best Business Books” by The C-Suite Network. For your author-inscribed and signed book or quantity discounts, order at: https://carolkaemmerer.com/books

Categories
Growth Management Personal Development

Winning at the Three R’s Hinges on Communication – How to Navigate a Recession Through Retention and Resilience

Are you recession ready? How would you know? What are the key indicators of “ready?” If you research past recessions, you will find commentary on taking offensive and defensive actions. The prevailing data indicates that a combination of the two leads to greater success. “According to our research, companies that master the delicate balance between cutting costs to survive today and investing to grow tomorrow do well after a recession,” was stated in Roaring Out of Recession by Ranjay Gulati, Nitin Nohria, and Franz Wohlgezogen in 2010. (by Ranjay Gulati, 2010). Since the Roaring Out of Recession article, there have been several prominent studies. All lead to a consideration of debt/cash position, how decisions are made, how the workforce is managed, and the adoption of technology.

I will assume anyone leading a successful business and keeping their head out of the sand, understands the need to reduce debt and increase cash on hand. I also suspect leveraging technology is wrapped up in every strategic plan and considered fundamental to reducing costs, once the initial infrastructure is in place. You will need to research elsewhere for tactics to improve these two considerations; this article will look at decision making and people management. Specifically, we will look at how recession planning benefits from developing retention and resilience strategies by leveraging your most important leadership skill – communication.

Walter Frick’s, HBR article, How to Survive a Recession and Thrive Afterward draws on the data from studies done at Harvard Business School, MIT’s Sloan School of Management and NYU’s Stern School of Business. (Frick, 2019). His bottom line is that preparation was the differentiator for companies that survived well and those that suffered greatly. Now is the time for you to prepare to retain the right employees and develop resilience in everyone.

“The Great Resignation” precipitated more attention to retention than any time in the past decade. Since my early days as a leader, very little has changed about what causes employees to leave their jobs. The new exception may be the ability to work remotely. The main drivers to satisfaction remain the same. The Society for Human Resources Management cites them as:

  1. Respectful treatment of all employees at all levels.
  2. Compensation/pay.
  3. Trust between employees and senior management.
  4. Job security.
  5. Opportunities to use their skills and abilities at work.

Numbers two and four may prove harder to plan for and will require consistent and transparent communication as a recession unfolds. The other three, respect, trust, and leveraging strengths should be an ongoing priority for all people leaders. Now is a great time to check your alignment in these three areas. How well do you demonstrate your trust and confidence in employee capabilities by allowing them to make decisions? The data that Frick gathered highlighted that, “The uncertainty of a recession necessitates experimentation, which requires that decisions be made throughout the organization.” This approach serves leaders in many ways. Typically, those closer to the work know more about obstacles to success and when empowered properly can find creative solutions. Testing this hypothesis enriches numbers one, three and five on the list above.

Don’t assume layoffs are inevitable. Know that they are expensive in both morale, unemployment, and the eventual process of hiring and training. Consider furloughs and reduced hours. Companies large and small have benefited from this approach, including Honeywell which pivoted its approach between the market crash of 2000 and the recession of 2008. As retention strategies have been fine-tuned in the past two years, the market for top talent has become more competitive.

Who will you retain and how you will retain them doesn’t need to keep you up at night, it needs to be a well-informed plan. Here are key questions to ask yourself and your senior leadership:

  1. Do all communications tie to company values?
  2. Do I/we routinely call out individual contributions that represent our values?
  3. Do I/we consistently provide feedback that is learning focused?
  4. Do /we promote a culture of inclusion with our words, actions, and decisions?
  5. Am I/are we aware of individual strengths and confident that work is assigned to leverage them?
  6. Do I trust my peers and my team?
  7. Does my team trust me? (What is my evidence of this?)
  8. Do I/do we keep our word and follow up on what I/we say we will do?
  9. Do I/we communicate transparently and in a timely manner?
  10. Does everyone on my team know their career path and potential opportunities for growth?
  11. Do I speak to each employee at least quarterly about how they are tracking to their annual goals?
  12. Do I/we allow decisions to be made at the source of knowledge and action?
  13. Does everyone feel empowered to operate at their fullest potential?
  14. Do I hold routine 1:1 meetings with my team that are structured and cover more than project/work updates? (Such as personal achievements/interests, opportunities for recognition, discussion on what concerns them, what is working well…?)
  15. Do I/we create a safe, non-judgmental space for the exchange of ideas?
  16. Do I actively coach direct reports to develop in any areas of opportunity we have agreed upon?
  17. Do I recognize and reward discretionary behavior (above and beyond) whenever it occurs?
  18. Do I cascade all appropriate information to my team that I receive from those above me?
  19. Am I consistent in clarifying expectations?
  20. Do I hold every team member equally accountable to agreed upon expectations?

Add up your “Yes” responses.

16-20 = You are poised to retain the talent that enables your organization to thrive.

11-16 = It’s not too late, but you better pick up the pace to retain key talent.

10 or below = You likely deserve to lose the talent that keeps your organization afloat. Seek leadership training today.

J. Marquez’s findings as outlined in Ready for Recession support of my assertion that the strength of your communication will determine your readiness for the impending changes to the business climate. Marquez’s study, “underlines the value of good employee communications as part of [this] retention strategy.” The data also suggests that “firms maintain their investment in training to maintain employee loyalty.” (Marquez, 2008)

Rarely does this happen. Quite the opposite occurs. Leadership development is typically one of the first line items to be cut which undermines any recession plan. Navigating challenging times hinges on continually developing your team.

Therefore, resilience is integral to recession planning. Resilience speaks to both resource management and human responses to challenges. Human resilience is generally understood as how an individual, or group of individuals, creates or perceives a positive outcome when faced with adversity. Understanding coping mechanisms, mental health issues, belonging strategies have all been elevated to the consciousness of leaders in the last two years. Benjamin Rosen et al, present compelling evidence for the value of Resilience Coaching in Resilience Coaching for Healthcare Workers: Experiences Of Receiving Collegial Support During The COVID-19 Pandemic. (Benjamin Rosen, 2022). Some larger organizations have hired Chief Resilience Officers, HR departments have bolstered employee assistance programs, the number of certified coaches has grown exponentially worldwide, these are all indicators that attention to strengthening human resilience is here to stay. What can you do at your organization?

 

The Resilience Coaching for Healthcare Workers study mentioned above proposes these outcomes for coaching resilience: foster connections, facilitate workplace learning about maintaining wellbeing, and provide access to additional mental health support. I add learning to reframe to this list. Dozens of my clients have improved their resilience through consistent reframing exercises, a form of internal communication. Reframing includes reflecting upon what you can change and focusing on the positives and learning opportunities that exist.

As a leader you can build reframing into your communications, whether you are sending an organization-wide email about an upcoming change or having a routine one-on-one meeting with a direct report. You can offer your thoughts on potential positive outcomes and/or provide prompts for your readers to contemplate. For example, “Our hiring freeze will enable us to take a closer look at resource allocation and the need to upskill certain individuals. What are your thoughts on who might benefit in your department from learning new skills or contributing to another area?”

The three key components of reframing are as follows with some sample questions to prompt thought.

  1. Contemplating the Positives

  • What is something good that will/has come of this?
  • How will/does this change/situation align with my values?
  • What might be different now that I can celebrate?
  • What are the benefits to me/others?

  1. Exploring the Learning

  • What do I stand to learn from this change/situation?
  • What is this change/situation telling me about myself?
  • How will this enable me/others to grow?

  1. Allowing the Positives and Learning to Inform Your Response

  • Based on what I have discovered, how will I react or respond?
  • How aligned is my response to my intention and my values?
  • How will I allow curiosity and awareness inform my response?

Communication encompasses what you say and how you say it, as well as what you hear and how you interpret it. Each day that leader communicates transparently and in alignment with the company values moves them closer to building a recession plan that honors the impact of their greatest resource, the individuals who contribute to keeping your business afloat. Retaining talent means retaining diversity of thought, upholding decentralized decision making, and building a foundation that will enable you to hold steady as the winds of change howl.

Your personal resilience may be the best indicator of your ability to lead others through challenges. “Put your own oxygen mask on first before helping others.” Once you have practices in place to support your wellbeing, and a commitment to exceptional communication, you will excel at planning for a recession. As important as your focus on financials is how you prepare for retention and resilience. As Marshall Goldsmith’s book reminds us, “What got you here—to the success and accomplishments you have achieved up until now—is not going to get you there.” What will you do differently tomorrow? How will you communicate at a level that strengthens your organizations capacity for retention and resilience to create a recession plan that will serve any business turbulence?

 

References

Benjamin Rosen, M. P. (2022). Resilience coaching for healthcare workers: Experiences of receiving collegial support during the COVID-19 pandemic. General Hospital Psychiatry, 83-87.

Ranjay Gulati, N. N. (2010). Roaring Out of Recession. Harvard Business Review, 36-42.

Frick, W. (2019). How to Survive a Recession and Thrive Afterward. Harvard Business Review.

Marquez, J. (2008). Ready for Recession. Human Resource Management International Digest.

 

Categories
Culture Growth Personal Development

E. A. Coe Discusses‘The Other Side of Good’ with Michael Beas in an Exclusive Interview

E.A. Coe’s bestselling book ‘The Other Side of Good’ is one of those books that grabs you, and keeps you enthralled from beginning to end, making it a must-read. Coe is a brilliant writer, who creates compelling plotlines, and intriguing characters who venture into the gray of life while taking readers on an adventure that no doubt will leave them wanting more. 

In ‘The Other Side of Good’ Theo Jackson proposes a donation to the city for a new youth center, the mayor sends Theo’s childhood friend, police officer Denton Jones, to negotiate the terms. Denton’s efforts inexplicably make him a target for a corrupt city official, but a dishonest bureaucrat is the least of the city’s problems. Theo uncovers evidence of an international criminal organization facilitating human trafficking in the city. Repulsed by the crime, Theo enlists an unlikely coalition of clergy, law enforcement, and criminals to try to stop it. 

If you want to find out what happens, and you know you do, pick up a copy of this rather brilliant read. Recently Coe took some time out of his very busy schedule to talk about his work, and what’s coming next. 

Congratulations, your book ‘The Other Side of Good’ recently became a bestseller. What was that success like for you on both a professional and personal level?

The achievement was gratifying but also inspirational. To reach a bestselling level on Amazon validates the possibility and provides an incentive to work hard to make the experience happen more frequently.

There are many aspects to the writing process and for some people having fun is also part of the mix. What is the most fun or joyful part of writing for you?

I enjoy writing fiction for the exhilarating control it gives me over my characters and the situations they encounter between the front and back cover of a book. Real-life can be unfair, but fiction doesn’t have to be. I have the power to freely reward the good guys and punish the bad ones. If this sometimes doesn’t present life as it is, it at least provides a glimpse to how it could be.

You have had a very diverse work-life. You are a former United States Naval aviator and career businessman, both of which were very successful. Did either or both of those careers help you when you started writing?

Positive communications skills, whether they be in speaking or writing, are an important tool in just about any professional. I “started writing” well before beginning any careers and honed the tool through practice during them. Transitioning from executive correspondence to fiction was a shorter leap than if I had begun writing from scratch in retirement.

 

  1. Theo Jackson and Denton Jones are both very intriguing in their own ways. What or who was the inspiration for these characters which take readers deep into the adventure you have created?They, like nearly all the characters in my stories, are amalgamations of diverse people I have met in life. Part of the enjoyment of writing fiction is dissecting the different personalities and characteristics of those you have known to create new characters you invent. Denton Jones came to The Other Side of Good from out of my first novel, Full Count. In that book, he had a supporting role as a colorful character on a college baseball team, and readers loved him. The history I created for Denton in Full Count, as a youth who grew up in the tenements of Cincinnati, established the necessary time and location for The Other Side of Good. It would be natural for someone associated with such an inner-city environment, like Denton, to have childhood friends who made more nefarious career choices, like Theo.

    I am sure your fans are dying to know. Can you tell us about the new book you are working on, and when readers can expect it to be released?While I was waiting for TOSOG to go through the publishing process, I started writing a novel tentatively titled, “Pedaling West.” It’s a COVID-19 era story about a young woman who loses her job and her fiancé all in the same week during the opening months of the pandemic. To “reset” her life, she decides to embark on a cross-country biking journey from Virginia Beach to Mendocino.She is unaware she has information relating to her former boss’s plan to embezzle awarded COVID relief funds that could incriminate him … which makes her a target. The story cycles between a drama involving the bad guys chasing her and a travelogue of an idyllic trip across America.

    My wife and I took the same trip as the fictional biker in November … only in a nice car and staying in good hotels. We traveled on no interstates using only rural roads … and we had a blast. The trip changed the story, too. I hope to complete the story this summer.

    To find out more about E. A. Coe and ‘The Other Side of Good’ head on over to Amazon.

 

Categories
Growth Health and Wellness Leadership

9 Benefits You Receive from Setting Boundaries

It’s not easy to set boundaries when others are accustomed to you not having any. Whether we like to admit it or not, people take advantage of other people. Boundaries are always important but when we’ve been betrayed, redefining boundaries so we can heal from betrayal and shattered trust is more important than ever.When others take advantage of our kindness, it leads to resentment and lowered self-esteem.The solution is to set boundaries. Your boundaries can be anything you choose.

A few examples include:

  • You don’t loan money or your favorite books to anyone.
  • You don’t allow people to yell at you.
  • You don’t spend time with people that are drunk.

You can have boundaries regarding your own behavior too, such as:

  • You don’t watch any shows or movies that promote violence or fear.
  • You don’t buy anything expensive without giving yourself 24 hours to think about it.
  • You turn off the TV by 10pm.

Set some boundaries of your choosing and enjoy these advantages:

  1. You’ll have less stress in your life. When you have boundaries, others stop taking advantage of your good nature. When they understand there are limits, they tend to respect them. A good set of boundaries reduces the amount of stress you experience in your life.
  2. You’ll receive more respect. We all know the person that always says yes to additional chores, tasks, errands and responsibilities. Because they struggle with saying no, people pleasing or letting someone down, they go to exhaustive efforts…at their own expense. They’re pushed past their limits yet neglect to say or do anything to change. It’s often that those people aren’t respected.
    When you respect yourself and your time by setting boundaries, others will respect you, too.
  3. You’ll be less annoyed with others. When fewer people are making demands of your time, you won’t be so annoyed with them. When you have less stress and more respect, you’ll also be less annoyed.
  4. You get to practice being assertive. Setting boundaries is a way to be assertive. The people that need to set boundaries are often the people who need the most practice being assertive.

 

5.You develop more respect for the boundaries of others. You become more aware of the boundaries of others when you set boundaries. You’re more respectful when you receive respect.

6.You learn how to say “no” to others. Saying “no” is a valuable skill. It’s not easy to deny the requests of others, but it’s important. You can’t accommodate everyone at every moment. There are times that a refusal is the only reasonable response.

7.You’ll have more free time. Fewer people making demands on your time means having more time available to spend in the way you want to. What would you do with more time?

8.Your life improves overall. If you’re less stressed, more respected, less annoyed, more assertive, and have more free time, your life is bound to be better overall. It’s amazing what a few boundaries can do.

9.More self-respect and self-esteem. When you stick up for yourself and fewer people are taking advantage of you, you’ll experience more self-respect and self-esteem. It’s easier to like yourself when you treat yourself well.

You have the right to determine what you will and will not accept in your life. It’s your time, life, and attention. You can allocate them any way you choose. When you’re healing from betrayal, you choose what works and what no longer works for you based on a new version of you that you’re designing and creating.

Start by making a list of boundaries that you’re like to apply to your life and the people around you. Expect resistance at first but be firm. The important people in your life will eventually understand that the happier you are, the better it is for everyone.

Dr. Debi
Founder and CEO, The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute

 

Categories
Culture Growth Health and Wellness Human Resources Leadership

Dear Katherine: My Kid Thinks I Don’t Take Her Feelings Seriously

Hello, Conscious Parent! Welcome to “Dear Katherine,” a monthly Q&A with real-life parents/caregivers. If you’d like to submit a question of your own, email me at katherine@consciousparentingrevolution.com.

Dear Katherine,

My 10-year-old daughter and I had a bit of an altercation. She and her sister were having an argument over a dress the younger one wanted to borrow. They took the fight into my work-from-home space.

To be honest, I was buried with deadlines and was about to hop on a call, so I immediately told my older daughter to let the younger one borrow the dress. She burst into tears and yelled that I didn’t take her feelings seriously.

Needless to say, I’m gutted. I don’t ever want my kids to feel dismissed. What do I do, Dear Katherine?

— Very Serious (But Very Busy) Parent

Dear Very Serious (But Very Busy) Parent,

I can certainly empathize with your predicament. As a working mom myself, I know what it’s like to feel too stressed and overwhelmed to give my kids undivided attention. You didn’t mean to come off as dismissive, and your gutted reaction shows that you are indeed a serious parent who wants to do right by your children.

It’s important to remember that parents, just like anyone else, are imperfect people living in an imperfect world. Still, it’s our duty to provide a safe and loving environment where our kids can be seen, heard, and supported.

5 Tips to Help Your Child Feel Seen, Heard, and Supported
You know that you take your daughter’s feelings seriously despite being very busy. Here’s what you can do to show her just how much she matters to you:

1. Apologize.

Apologies are powerful catalysts for healing. Even though you didn’t mean to make your daughter feel ignored or neglected, let her know how sorry you are for hurting her feelings.

Then, ask her what exactly made her feel like you didn’t care. Did it seem like you were taking her sister’s side? Explain that you love them both equally and take both their feelings very seriously.

 

When everyone is feeling better, bring your two girls together and encourage them to resolve the dress issue. Can the younger one learn to respect the older one’s decision not to share that specific dress? Is there an alternative piece of clothing she can borrow?

Sharing is an important skill to learn, but let your children know it’s perfectly okay if there are some things they want to keep for themselves.

2. Stop what you’re doing and listen.

The next time your daughter demands your attention, step back and observe your reaction. Are you tapping your foot or looking at your phone? Did you even look up from your computer screen and make eye contact?

Give your kids at least a minute or two of your undivided attention when they need something. And if you’re just too busy at that particular moment, schedule a “Mommy and Me” time later in the day.

3. Acknowledge what she’s saying.

Problem-solving is certainly one of our most valuable skills as parents or caregivers, but don’t be so quick to find a solution that you dismiss what your child is trying to say.

Rather than placating children with toxic positivity (“Don’t be sad, cheer up!”), validate how they feel: “I can see that you’re feeling sad. Do you want to tell me why? Is there anything I can do to make it better?”

Raising self-assured children begins with teaching them that it’s important to acknowledge whatever emotion they’re feeling—so they can let it go when they’re ready.

4. Set reasonable boundaries.

As important as it is for children to acknowledge their feelings, it’s equally essential for them to learn that they have power over their emotions. Now is when they can learn that they don’t need to be overwhelmed by their emotions and can be with them rather than overwhelmed by them.

Your daughter may be angry at her sibling, but that doesn’t mean she can take it out on her—or anyone else for that matter. It’s never too early to teach children that negative feelings don’t have to translate to bad behavior.

5. Put yourself in your child’s shoes.

Let’s be honest: sometimes it’s hard to understand why a child could get so upset over being asked to shower, make their bed, or in your case, Very Serious (But Very Busy) Parent, lend her sister a dress.

But try to remember that kids have very little control over their everyday lives. The next time one of your daughters is upset, practice empathy to understand where she’s really coming from.

I hope this advice is helpful, Very Serious (But Very Busy) Parent. You’re juggling so much each and every day between work and parenting and everything else. Don’t be too hard on yourself.

Love and Blessings,

Katherine
P.S. Want to connect with other parents and caregivers who share your successes and frustrations? Join the Conscious Parenting Revolution Facebook Group!

Categories
Best Practices Growth Management Personal Development

4 Ways to Make Your Words Stick

Leaders are always under surveillance. Every action they take and word they speak is scrutinized. Words matter. What you say has consequences. They have the power to influence others or cost you credibility and trust. Your team wants a leader they can trust, someone whose influence motivates them to act. With influence comes serious responsibility. Leaders must acknowledge the impact their words have on others.

  1. Examine your message.

Consider these two statements:

“Our competitors have grown and cut into our sales. We must explore new markets to maintain a healthy bottom line.”

Vs.

“Our competitors have grown and cut into our sales. We must explore new markets or we will have make cut backs.”

These two statements share the same message, but the word choice impacts listeners in very different ways. If you are unsure how your words land, write them down ahead of time. Take five minutes before every virtual call or meeting to think about what you want to say, and the impact you want to make on your listeners.

  1. Say more with less.

People tend to believe the more they speak, the smarter they sound. When in fact, the more they speak, the more confused their listeners become. Listeners don’t have time to think through the clutter. If your message is long and hard to follow, listeners will tune you out. If you want others to remember what you say long after you say it, keep your message concise and get to the point

 

  1. Beacon brevity.

When we try to make a point, too often we keep talking well past our point. Our brain lies, convincing us that the more we say, the smarter we sound. What we fail to realize is the torture we make our listeners endure as we ramble. Even worse, we often ramble with filler words that add nothing to our message. Now I know what you’re thinking, “when I know what to say I don’t speak with filler words.” The problem is that most of our conversations are impromptu. We don’t have the opportunity to prepare exactly what we want our listener to hear. Avoid how you feel to determine how succinct you are. We are good about preparing for presentations but allow day-to-day easy conversations to go off the cuff.   This is when feedback wins. Find someone you trust and ask them to bring to your attention each time you speak with filler words such as “um and uh.” It won’t take long for you to recognize it yourself.

  1. Pauses have power.

Silence sometimes is the right answer. A speaker can use silence to deliver a message with maximum impact. The power of a pause allows listeners to consider what has been said. It gives their mind time to register the importance of words and permits you time to naturally transition to the next topic. It conveys a confident belief in the message shared, while allowing the brain time to focus on the next thought. The pause has the power to help your listeners remember what you said long after the interaction is over. Words matter. If you want to speak in a way that influences others to act, take on these four steps and make your words stick.

 

 

Categories
Growth Leadership Personal Development

Tell Me A Story | How Storytelling Impacts the Brain

Ever since the history of the world began, stories have played a crucial role in human development.

According to some studies, language and the ability to create and tell stories enabled the human race to survive during our early stages. That break became so instrumental that thousands of years later, we eventually evolved into one of the most dominant species on the planet.

Stories are powerful.

Once you hear stories, you’re immediately transported to another world. You’re placed in the shoes of the storyteller, and you immediately see, hear, and feel what he’s talking about. The more tension-filled the story is the more your palms sweat, eyes blink, or heart flutter.

Many different brain areas light up when someone is listening to a narrative. Aside from the networks involved in language processing, other neural circuits light up too. One study of listeners found that the brain networks that process emotions arising from sounds — along with areas involved in the movement — activate, especially during the emotional parts of the story.

Stories connect us

One amazing thing that happens in the background is that as you hear a story unfold, your brain waves start to sync with that of the storyteller. A study once recorded the brain activity of two people wherein one person told a story, and the other listened. The study found that the greater the listener’s comprehension, the more closely the brain wave patterns mirrored those of the storyteller.

It’s as if we make stories as a tool to be connected with one another.

Stories bolster creativity

Another important impact of stories on our brain is that it bolsters creativity and imagination. As you hear stories being told, your brain naturally anticipates and comes up with possible scenarios that could fit the story. When we hear stories, brain networks involved in deciphering — or imagining — another person’s motives and the areas involved in guessing what will happen next are activated, Neeley said. Imagining what drives other people — which feeds into our predictions — helps us see a situation from different perspectives.

Stories create a bond

Lastly, this is helpful in the medical field too. When we hear stories or anecdotes from people we know, we tend to identify with them. An invisible bond is somehow created. For example, when you hear someone, you know take, a particular medicine, you tend to follow suit (even if at some point you had qualms about taking it). That’s how powerful stories are in rewiring your thought processes.

Join us for our 3-Day Challenge
Building A Hero’s Journey | The Art of Telling Your Hero Story
June 1st – 3rd | 11:30 am EST

If you want to learn more about storytelling and how stories can impact your brain, you can check out our latest blog at MarketAtomy.com.

Danna Olivo is a Growth Strategist, Author, and Public Speaker. As CEO of MarketAtomy LLC, her passion is working with first-stage business owners to ensure that they are prepared and equipped to launch and grow a successful small business. She understands the intricacies involved early on in business formation and as such the challenges that come with it. A graduate of the University of Central Florida’s College of Business, Danna brings more than 40 years of experience strategically working with small and medium businesses, helping them reach their growth goals. danna.olivo@marketatomy.com

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