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Month: December 2021

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Culture Growth Health and Wellness Human Resources

Dear Katherine: My Kids Complain About Being Bored!

Dear Katherine,

When my two children are home from school, they don’t want to do anything. I try to get them involved in activities or camps (or at the very least encourage them to leave the house with me!) but they outright refuse.

Then they complain that they’re bored! My older daughter, who is 13, calls me a bad mom when I tell her that there’s nothing more I can do.

What CAN I do?

Sincerely,

Out of Ideas

Out of Ideas, the problem you’re facing is far more common than people care to admit! The pressure to keep children occupied at all times can be incredibly frustrating for parents.

Still, I’m sensing that this issue is less about keeping your daughter entertained and more about her inability or refusal to seek out her own joy. She tells you she’s bored, and then seemingly does nothing to fix it. When you try to guide her to the answer, she gets upset.

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There are two questions to ask yourself that will help you move forward:

1. Is her boredom making her upset, or is it making you upset?

Your daughter’s struggle to entertain herself is a problem for her to navigate. If you take this emotional load on yourself, it will only make things worse. These situations can be cyclical, and your frustration will only compound hers.

Maybe she’s content staying home but senses that you’re frustrated with her making that choice. No matter what’s really going on, it’s important to step back and resist the urge to turn her problem into your problem.

Right now, your thoughts are framed around shame and criticism. Maybe you’re internalizing your daughter’s comment that you’re a bad mom, or you feel responsible for her lack of motivation.
Either way, you’re disempowering yourself, which won’t help your daughter. Take a moment to consider what your needs are and how you can meet them. Focus on filling your cup so that you’re in a better mindset to help your daughter meet her needs. This Needs Assessment is a great tool for figuring out how well your own needs are being met.

2. Why is she leaning on you to make this decision?

Your instinct as a parent is to help your kids through their problems. Occasionally, you probably border on solving the entire issue for them. I see this common parenting mistake with my clients all the time. But here’s the thing. . .

When kids are used to having their parents solve their problems, a sudden refusal to do so can feel like abandonment.

Rest assured, you aren’t abandoning your daughter—and you certainly don’t need to leave her to figure everything out on her own. But instead, you should work on hearing her.

At the age of 13, she’s inundated with new experiences and responsibilities. School is becoming more challenging, friendships are evolving, and she’s probably making more decisions day-to-day than she ever has before. The thought of making one more choice about what to do in her spare time might be pushing her over her capacity.

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Sit with her in that place of discomfort and validate her frustration. Then remind her how capable she is. Tell her you’re confident in her ability to make decisions for herself. Assure her that the choice she ultimately makes isn’t the wrong one, even if she chooses to stay home after school.

I understand the urge to jump in and save your daughter by arranging activities or outings, but if you want to raise an independent child, you have to give her the space to figure out what she really wants to do. The best way to be a supportive parent is to build your child’s confidence in themselves.

Your daughter is more than capable of getting through this rough patch. It may even be a great opportunity for her to learn more about who she is and how to advocate for her needs.

I have utmost faith in both of you.

Love and Blessings,

Katherine

P.S. Want to start 2022 differently with your family but not sure where to start? I have the perfect toolbox for you! The Conscious Parenting Kickstart is more than just parenting tips. It gets to the core of why you parent the way you do, and why your kids react the way they do. We’ll tackle those deep-seated beliefs that are holding both you and your kids back from living your best lives together, so you can make powerful, lasting changes.
The best part? The Conscious Parenting Kickstart will only take an hour of your time! Click here to check it out!

Categories
Entrepreneurship Personal Development Women In Business

Taking Back Control In 2022!

The new decade starting in 2020 ushered in a plethora of unexpected turns, from the ongoing economic recession that began during the previous decade to the newest and most impactful economic disruption…COVID19 is not even two months into the new decade! Have the past 24 months set the tone for what we can expect the next eight years to bring? Good or bad… acknowledgment and adaptation to meet the challenges that come with a changing economic infrastructure require critical thinking and strategic implementation.

We can sit back and hope for things to return to normal, or we can accept that what we’re experiencing today is the NEW Normal, and it is now time to Take Back Control! For me, the past two years have seen me pivot considerably in my business. Before 2020, my business engaged primarily in personal interaction through networking, seminars, and conferences for almost ten years. However, once COVID-19 kicked in I had to rethink how I would continue to serve my primary audience and deliver the programs they needed while being sequestered from my home.

Looking Back to Move Forward

I spent the next 20 months developing an online platform designed to educate and connect small and micro business owners. Although, I had always planned on building an online educational platform, COVID-19 just pushed the timeline up a little. Looking back, I realize that being forced to introduce this platform early was a God thing! There hasn’t been a better time to introduce this environment than now. Especially since we have seen almost an 80% increase in new business licenses issued since the beginning of 2020.

What was proposed to be the introduction of 20/20 vision that would enable us to see everything much more clearly than ever before … seems to have missed its mark. Or has it?

I believe that the past 24 months have introduced clarity and shown us what was missing in our personal and professional lives. For so many years we have been driven by our desires for things and the need to earn money to pay for said things. We were living in a rut chasing a speculative future. As a result, our immediate family lives have suffered a severe disconnect.

Priority Mindshift

Reports have indicated that a major part of the rise in business license applications has been a direct result of individuals realizing that time spent reconnecting with family mattered more than the material things they were chasing. They realized that they could afford to cash out and take the leap into business ownership.

However, businesses need to be more resilient, adaptable, and agile to cope with everything that’s going on in the world…and what may still be down the road. The focus moving forward should be made on how to build a business strategy and marketing. Business strategies are the blueprint for how you plan to run your company and how you will mitigate what happens down the road. No matter how much uncertainty exists, entrepreneurs need to build business strategies for 2022 to move forward.

Let’s dive into the business strategies that entrepreneurs build to move forward in 2022

MarketAtomy LLC will be holding a 10-hour virtual annual planning workshop series beginning January 31, 2022. For more information and to register go to https://www.marketatomy.com/gpstrategy-2/

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MarketAtomy, LLC is a growth development-learning environment for small and medium business owners with one goal in mind…to empower them with the tools and knowledge needed to build their business on a rock-solid foundation. Through foresight and fortitude, entrepreneurial dreams become a reality. For more information, please visit marketatomy.com. Visit MarketAtomy.Academy to find out about the only Learning Management System developed for early-stage business growth.

Categories
Growth Leadership Personal Development

Strengthen Your Integrity with these Easy Tips

Being honest and having strong moral principles takes conviction and confidence. Doing the right thing…even when no one is looking, means living in integrity. When integrity is a priority, it actually makes life simpler. Others can more easily trust you and you remove the need to second guess yourself and your intentions. You say what you mean and you mean what you say. There’s no hidden agenda or deceitful motivation behind your words, actions, and behavior. Want to show up more powerfully, purposefully, and with more integrity this coming year?

Here are a few tips I hope you find helpful:

  1. Work on your personal growth. Developing yourself is an effective way to strengthen your integrity. When you grow, you become more comfortable with yourself, more emotionally mature, and feel less need to be inauthentic.
  2. Be reliable. Be on time, avoid canceling appointments, and do what you say you’re going to do. If you say that you’ll deliver your report by noon on Friday, ensure that it’s done on time. It’s easy to be reliable if you under-promise. Making promises you know you can keep prevents disappointing others while giving you an opportunity to overdeliver.
  3. Be honest with yourself. Before you do or say something, question why you’re doing it. What is your real motivation behind the action? Are you being self-serving at the expense of others, or are your motives honorable? Self-awareness is a primary component of integrity. 
  4. Be gentle, but be honest. Do people believe that you’re an honest person? Do you “bend the truth,” exaggerate or minimize something to be more comfortable or to pretend you’re someone you’re not? When you are honest, are you sharing your views with kindness and compassion? It’s one thing, to be honest, and another to be purposefully hurtful with your words.
  5. Live by your values each day. If you’re unaware of your values, now would be a great time to figure them out and list them. Knowing your values makes it easier to make decisions. It also makes your behavior more predictable, which makes others more comfortable. Know your values and live them each day.
  6. Be willing to say no. When you say yes to things you don’t want to do, you’re not demonstrating integrity because you’re not being true to yourself. You don’t have to take part in every opportunity that’s presented to you. Valuing your time and well-being often means saying no. Be honest and say no when you mean it.
  7. Work on increasing your level of confidence. Confident people are more comfortable in their own skin. It’s when we’re uncomfortable that we risk making decisions that aren’t in our best interest in an attempt to minimize the discomfort. For example, are you calling in sick because you’re terrified to present that report at work? Are you not taking that call because you’re avoiding that awkward conversation? Increasing your confidence allows you to more easily do what you know is the right thing to do. The more uncomfortable you are each day, the more likely your integrity will be challenged. Confidence and self-esteem help us act with integrity. 
  8. Stop doing the things you know you shouldn’t do. Are you stealing pens and post-it notes from work? Stealing napkins from the fast-food restaurant to stock your kitchen? Taking credit for something you didn’t do? Think about your behavior and adjust accordingly.
  9. Be willing to stand up for something. Most of us have values and opinions, but few are willing to even share them, never mind stand up for them. While others won’t always agree with your stance, they will respect you for having one and not compromising it when questioned. That doesn’t mean you’re unwilling to learn a new perspective, it means that peer pressure doesn’t persuade you to do something or go along with something you don’t agree with.

Living with integrity may seem to be a more challenging way to live on the surface, but it’s actually easier in the long run. You don’t have to remember what you said and who you said it to, you don’t have to question your values and beliefs, you don’t have to rebuild trust with someone because you did something intentionally hurtful. You simply have to keep your values a non-negotiable priority with everything you say and do.

Dr. Debi
Founder and CEO, The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute

Categories
Best Practices Culture Growth Health and Wellness

5 tips to handle school-from-home

If you’re a parent or caregiver to a school-aged kid, chances are you’ve found yourself learning grammar or long division again — only this time, the teacher is on Zoom. And you’re fighting with the technology of uploading your child’s digital work. And trying to run a household. And maybe attempting to work yourself.

For many families around the world, school from home will be around for at least a few more months. While it’s not easy to juggle all those priorities (and all that tech!), it’s possible to make the experience a little better for both you and your kids.

The expectations around school and the pressure parents put on their kids can create a lot of stress. Whether your child is co-working with you at the living room table or back in the classroom, these 5 tips will help you both ace the semester:

  1. Discover your child’s learning style. Some kids find it easy to work independently while others need activity and collaboration. Find out which learning styles your child responds to best and help shape their experiences accordingly. Independent thinker? Give them time and space to study and work on their own. Collaborative mind? Encourage them to schedule more Zoom sessions with their classmates. Catering to their unique style will help your kid have a more positive experience.
  2. Encourage their hobbies. Who says education has to be by the book? Let your kids explore and expand their non-academic skills, like cooking, baking, drawing, or dancing. These skills are just as important as geometry or social studies. What matters is that they find ways to become engaged with something they care about. Their hobbies may change over time, but the ability to dig into an area of interest has lifelong benefits.
  3. Use the resources available. Look around you: you have a wealth of educational resources online and in your neighborhood. Coordinate a book swap with a classmate or neighbor. Hold biology class outside to look for real-life examples of the concepts your child is learning. Sign up for online guitar lessons (Youtube can teach you to do just about anything these days). Let your own creativity expand the options beyond the school’s lesson plan and the oh-so-many online worksheets.
  4. Design a schedule for learning. Children thrive with some structure in place — adults, too! It’s important that children have a dedicated time and place for school activities. Work with your child to develop their own little study nook in the house, and help them identify the best time for activities like homework and studying. While they may not be able to dictate their entire schedule, your child should definitely have input in this process.
  5. Don’t focus on the grades. Try not to be overly preoccupied with your child’s grades, especially during this wild and crazy year. Becoming too grade-obsessed can give a kid the impression that their confidence or self-worth should be tied to competency. We have to constantly remind our children that love is not something they have to earn or acquire by doing well in school or being a “perfect” human. We are worthy of love and belonging simply because we’re alive and breathing. Work to be more forgiving if your child scores lower than expected on a test. And forgive yourself if you feel like a less-than-perfect teacher. Our children’s achievements are not a reflection of us!
  6. One thing is certain: the school-from-home era has been a learning experience for all of us. Learning always means growth, which gives you and your child the opportunity to deepen your relationship and come together as a team. Besides, not everyone gets a chance to relive their school days. 🙂

If you and your child struggle to talk about school, my free eBook may help. I wrote 7 Strategies to Keep Your Relationship With Your Kids from Hitting the Boiling Point to give every parent the tools they need to improve their communication with their child, especially around hot-button issues like homework and grades. Grab your copy today.

Categories
Growth Health and Wellness

Cleaning Up Before Leaving the Year

We’ve learned to make our bed before leaving our room, tidy up the house before leaving for the day, straighten up our desk before leaving our workday…you get the idea. Well, have you considered that while we do these things on a daily basis, what would it look like if we decided to “clean up our year” before we leave it?

As the year comes to a close, I always like reviewing the year to see what worked, what didn’t, what I can change, what to let go of, what no longer serves, and what am I now ready for as a new year approaches. It’s a great way to continually grow and take an assessment of how things are going in any category that holds meaning. So as the year begins to wind down, how would you clean up some of the areas that are most important to you? Let’s take a few categories:

Health: If you’ve been lax about what you’re eating or how you’re moving, how can you clean that up? Can you decide to ditch the junk food, limit your drinking or commit to a fitness routine you can stick with?

Work: When you evaluate how you’ve been showing up at work, what needs cleaning up? If you lost your motivation, what do you need to do to get it back? If you stopped pushing yourself, doing those extras that brought about great results or stretching yourself to learn what’s needed to take yourself to the next level, what can you do to recharge yourself so you’re eager and ready as the New Year arrives?

Relationships: If you take an honest look at how you showed up in your relationships, what do you see? Are you still harboring grudges, anger, resentment, and bitterness towards someone? If so, it’s chipping away at your health and well-being. If forgiveness feels like too big of a stretch, can you move towards acceptance first? If you’ve been distant, neglectful, or aloof, how can you clean things up to be more present and available to those you love?

Self-Care: If you’ve been burning the candle at both ends, neglecting your own self-care so that you can put in a few more hours at work, get a few more chores done or make sure everyone else’s needs are cared for, it’s likely you’re not showing up at your best. It’s virtually impossible when you’re burned out, exhausted, and depleted. So while you may be viewing self-care as selfish, what can you clean up so you treat self-care as self-preservation? Can you add in a short but meaningful morning routine? Do you need to say no more often?

Personal Development: We’re either growing or we’re dying. When you take a look at where you are, are you any different than you were at the beginning of the year? If you’re complaining or jealous of others about something (your health, work, relationships, etc.) it’s often because we know we can do something about it…and we’re not. What needs cleaning up here so you’re having a different level of conversation next year? What books, programs, thought leaders, or concepts are you ready to include in your life to clean up your year in the personal development category?

Spirituality/Faith: When you take a look into this category, what needs cleaning up? Do you have a practice that helped you feel grounded and centered? Do you want to explore meditation, mindfulness, journaling, yoga, breathwork, or some other type of practice to help you feel less stressed and more connected? If so, how will you clean that up so you move into the New Year with a plan that’ll help you move towards that?

When changes are deliberate and intentional (versus hopeful), we’re moving forward. I’ll never forget a mentor of mine saying: “You can’t steer a parked car.” Is your car in motion and if so, is it headed in a direction you want to go? If not, it’s time to clean up the year so we can intentionally show up more fully in the categories that hold meaning to us.

Dr. Debi
Founder and CEO, The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute

Categories
Growth Personal Development

Bestselling Author J.L. Caban Opens Up About His Newest Work

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JL Caban, is a brilliant writer, who has always been reaching for the stars in one way or another, and that is obvious in the trajectory of his life and career. His first book ‘Moving On’ became a bestseller out of the gate, and this month his new book ‘Butterflies in Production; Five Short Stories’ also hit the bestseller list. Caban has become a powerhouse in the literary world and rightfully so with his riveting plotlines, intriguing characters, and captivating style. 

‘Butterflies in Production’ builds upon his first book ‘Moving On’, a powerful coming-of-age story of a young man who is attempting to escape a world of drugs and alcohol.  In ‘Butterflies in Production; Five Short Stories’ he pulls characters from ‘Moving On,’ and draws attention to some of the moral and social issues in which these new characters are dealing, including everything from biracial relationships and the prejudices that come with them to having no choice but to deal in narcotics to put food on the table.

Readers and reviewers alike are raving about the emotional adventure Caban took them on in this phenomenal read. ‘Butterflies in Production; Five Short Stories’ is the read of this season and beyond. We can’t wait to see what comes next from this talented thought leader, and recently we caught up with him to learn more about him and his work. 

 “Butterflies in Production: Five Short Stories,” which is an amazing read, recently became a bestseller, what was that like for you?

I am truly humbled by it; I never imagined myself, in a proverbial million years, to be a bestselling author… not even remotely close to it. I merely wished to share with all of my readers the stark raving mad thoughts running around in my brain. Seriously, though, it is always an honor – for anyone I imagine, to receive any accolade, especially one for something in which you poured your heart and soul into; it’s a kind of reward, of sorts, for all the sleepless nights and cramped finger joints caused by beating away at the keyboard, as a warrior beats on the drum before an impending charge on the enemy.

This is actually the second time you have hit the bestseller list, which is a phenomenal feat. Your work clearly resonates with readers. What is one of your keys to success?

Honestly, I haven’t a single, solitary clue! My only goal, when writing, is to create something in which people will be interested. As I’m working, the room filled with plumes of cigar smoke, a glass of whisky within my lunge-able area at the ready, I have the reader in mind; and, if I think he or she would absolutely detest what I’m typing, I, with the speed rivaling that of Hermes, delete the entire confounded thing… I try to imagine what the reader is feeling or thinking, and I refuse to continue with the project if I believe they’re even remotely unhappy.

 

“Butterflies in Production: Five Short Stories” is chock full of compelling characters, which one is your favorite and why?

Choosing a favorite character is like choosing a favorite child! I could never bring myself to make such an onerous choice as that. Each character – for better or for worse – becomes a part of me, and I give them all the attention that a sow gives her pups; equally nursing, grooming, and caring for them all.

How long did it take for you to write “Butterflies in Production: Five Short Stories” and what was one of the challenges you faced while writing it? Also, what was one of the successes you achieved while writing it?

Writing “Butterflies” took me about six months to complete. The main challenge, I believe, was that it – unlike my first book, “Moving On (a first person account)” – was written, mostly, in the third person; which can be a demanding task because, in the case of the latter, an author is not just responsible for the thoughts and feelings of one character alone; instead, he or she is charged with expressing to the readers the inner workings of everyone in the story. That, in and of itself, was the success I achieved while writing “Butterflies;” I proved to myself that I could take on that particular challenge.

You have been prolific in your writing over the last few years. Do you have another book you are working on that you can tell us about?

I am, incidentally, currently working on another project… another collection of short stories because, at this point, I’m not yet prepared to tackle an entire diegesis; although I hope, one day, to create the coveted “Great American Novel.” There’s also the matter of my wife, Cecilia, wanting me to write a children’s book for our son, Julian Lincoln Caban, which I have been seriously considering; so, we shall see.

What is your favorite way to celebrate a win, like hitting the bestseller list?

My favorite way to celebrate a best seller win is to spend a quiet evening with my wife and son, with a glass of wine in hand, after hours of being lost in my work, hoping that all my readers are somewhat content with my creation.

To get more information on JL Caban and his work head over to his website.

 

Categories
Culture Growth Health and Wellness

How to Help Your Child Navigate a Not-So-Normal Holiday Season

This year’s holiday season reminds me of the opening line in Louisa May Alcott’s Little Women:

“‘Christmas doesn’t feel like Christmas without any presents,’ grumbled Jo, lying on the rug.”

The story is set in the middle of the American civil war, and the four March sisters are grieving over not being able to spend Christmas with their army chaplain father—as well as not having enough money for gifts.

Our current situation has been described countless times in the last 9 months as a “war on the coronavirus.” Many families are feeling the economic impact of the pandemic—and that strain can be compounded by pressures of the holiday season.

On top of that, the usual traditions and festivities have been altered and canceled for many. Families are struggling over how to celebrate this year. Many will make the difficult decision to stay apart. Presents will get shipped all over the world, but it’s not quite the same as being there to open gifts with your loved ones.

Perhaps, we’re all starting to grumble.

How do we embrace this not-so-normal holiday season gracefully? How do we keep our kids (and ourselves) from turning into the Grinch?

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Here are some conscious parenting tips from one of our favorite holiday songs:

Deck the halls with boughs of holly. Look for ways to make your home space bright and cheery, especially if you’re spending most of your time indoors or facing bleak winter weather. You might go wild with tinsel and lights; you might bring in an extra lamp and a potted plant. Whatever you choose, find ways to involve your child in the decorating (or redecorating) process.

‘Tis the season to be jolly. Practice gratitude. Make a point to talk with your child about how much there is to be thankful for: good health, good friends, good food. If you find you or your child sliding into the holiday blues, acknowledge their feelings. This is a difficult time. Then, help them reframe their experience to focus on what’s positive to boost their mood.

️Don we now our gay apparel. Get all dressed up, even if there’s nowhere to go! Put on your best holiday clothes for a special meal or stroll around the neighborhood. The crowd may be small, but you can still celebrate in style. Don’t forget to take pictures to send to family and friends!

 Troll the ancient Yuletide carol. Keep your traditions, even if they don’t look the way you expect them to. Light the menorah, read ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas, eat cookies on Bodhi Day—show your children that there’s still reason to celebrate, even in the face of adversity. This year is also a great opportunity to start a new tradition to pass on to future generations.

Still wondering how to bring some cheer to your family’s holiday season? You don’t have to figure it out alone. The Guidance Approach to Parenting is all about collaborative problem-solving, so be sure to include your child in your holiday planning. Not only does your child have their own set of wants and needs, but they can also bring some much-needed creativity into the equation!

Our Facebook group is also a great resource for parents who need support or inspiration during the holidays. Join us to ask a question, or share a challenge, or show us how you’re celebrating.

Fa-la-la-la-la!

Categories
Culture Growth Health and Wellness

Dear Katherine: My Son Gets Anxious When We’re Apart

Dear Katherine,

 

My son is very nervous whenever we’re apart. When he’s at school, he wants me to be working from home so he knows that I’m there. Even if I’m just around the block, he stresses out about it. 

He’s afraid that I won’t come back or that I won’t come to pick him up. 

He’s 10 years old, and I want him to enjoy school and other activities that I’m not present for. 

What can I do? 

 

Sincerely, 

Trying My Best

 

Trying My Best,

 

My heart goes out to your son. He’s dealing with some big feelings! Your situation sounds like a classic case of separation anxiety.

 

What I want to emphasize first and foremost is that it’s perfectly okay for him to have these feelings. Everything we experience in life serves a purpose—even our most negative emotions. We should never tell our kids that their feelings are bad, scary, or wrong. Doing so is one of the biggest parenting mistakes we can make.

True self-acceptance has to come first if you want your son to be able to change. When we judge ourselves or our children, we create an unsafe environment for this transformation to take place.

I have two pieces of advice to help you both through this challenging period:

 

1. Be a supportive parent while your son sits with his feelings. 

Your son needs to learn how to be with the parts of him that are anxious instead of letting them define him. Help him create space between him and his anxiety. You can start by talking about it together.

Try saying, “Wow, something inside you is feeling really worried.” Provide space for him to talk about his concerns and how they make something in him feel. With practice, he’ll be able to turn toward these scary feelings, understand what they’re trying to tell him, and get bigger than what’s bugging him.

Remember, your son can only understand these feelings if can separate them from his identity. If he thinks that he is anxious, instead of recognizing that something inside of him feels anxious, he won’t be able to accurately assess any associated feelings.

This approach will help your son cope with negative feelings for the rest of his life. But there are other immediate actions you can take that will help his anxiety, too.

2. Find ways to be with him, without being with him physically. 

Separation anxiety is a common issue in parent-child relationships. Fortunately, you can help your child feel connected to you even when you’re apart. Together, brainstorm ideas that could help him through the day.

 

Here are a few to get you started, but this should be a collaborative effort with your child:

  • Give him a photo of you to keep in his pocket. When your son misses you, he can take out the photo and look at it to remember that you aren’t far away.
  • Send him messages throughout the day. If your son has a phone that he can use at school, message him periodically to check-in. No phone? No problem. Write him little notes to keep in his folders, lunchbox, or pencil case to remind him that you’re thinking of him.

Separation anxiety can be difficult for parents and children, but I know you two will get through it together!

Love and Blessings,

Katherine

 

P.S. The Mother Side on Good Morning Washington (ABC7, WJLA) was so kind to have me discussing how we can be more mindful in our approach with our children! I’m so grateful to be able to introduce our gentle parenting all over the world. Thank you so much for supporting the Conscious Parenting Revolution message!

Categories
Culture Growth Personal Development

Can we ban normal, please?

“Normal is an illusion. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly” ~ Morticia Addams

Normal, by definition, is conforming to a standard; usual, typical or expected. (Oxford Languages)

As a non-conformist, normal gives me a twitchy eye.

Normal is subjective and perceptual. My “normal” is not the same as your “normal”. So, who’s normal is right? Besides, technically, when we force another to conform or fit into our own definition of normal, and they don’t want to, we are technically exhibiting abusive behavior.  *Insert twitchy eye*

Before you read further, I want to let you know that normal and I? We do not get along. I tried this normal stuff. I am not a fan.

In my experiences, normal is a societal belief that underlies many of the mental health issues we face, desensitizing us and has caused us to fear our individuality and uniqueness. So to say I would like to eliminate the ideas of “normal” is an understatement. With that said, I will share with you why I feel this way. Feel free to share your take on normal. I would love to know!

I see this behavior in the teens a lot, and because teens tend to reflect back what they are taught by the rest of us, once I noticed this in them, I really began to notice this everywhere.

Normal = acceptance. We tend to accept anything we have been told is normal, resulting in us accepting quite a bit in our society that is actually contributing to our distress and turmoil. When we want someone to accept something new we know they are going resist, we tell them it’s normal. 2020 is a great example of this. Please don’t do this.

Have you heard the question “when are we going to get back to normal?” Sure, we tend to be extremely resistant to change. I thank “normal” for this resistance we have developed. I understand the desire to go back to what we know. Does going back to “normal” make everything better? Spoiler alert: the answer is no. It only makes it familiar. We have evolved. Going backwards to familiar? This is not a good idea.

Our fear of change causes our selective memories to kick in and attempts to get us to go back to or maintain the normal.

A few statements we say that we have used to normalize things we know are abnormal:

  • “Don’t worry, it is normal to feel sick when you take those pills to not make you sick.”
  • “It is normal that politicians lie.”
  • “It is normal to feel like you don’t fit in.”
  • “It is normal that he/she treats other people like shit. You’ll get use to it as you spend time with them.”
And my favorite: “If you continue to do that, no one will think you are normal.” If you want to shame someone and force them to conform to your definition of normal, this is one way to do that. (For the record: I don’t recommend this.)

We accepted side effects, lying politicians, low self-worth, and shitty behavior from those around us as normal. When we accepted these as normal, it made setting any limitations to prevent these things very difficult.

If we use a different word, such as “expected”, in place of normal, we get a different tone to the statement.

It may be expected that you will or do feel like you don’t fit in. However, it doesn’t need to be accepted and it can be changed. It may be expected that politicians lie, but that behavior doesn’t need to be accepted.

We are desensitizing ourselves to life. We are full of fear. We fear being who we are. We fear change. We fear judgment. We know we don’t want any of this fear, yet, here we are, full of fear.

Instead of addressing the root cause, we have decided to medicate ourselves to conform to “normal”. Our mental health has declined and addiction rates have skyrocketed. In all of this, feelings have become abnormal. Feelings are intrinsic and a result of our thoughts. We cannot separate the two, yet we certainly are giving it our best attempts.

Here are nonverbal behaviors we have normalized:

  • Working until we burnout
  • Work in careers that we hate
  • Live beyond our means to simply prove our worth.
  • Anxiety/Depression
  • Over-scheduling kids and not allowing them to be kids, which teaches them how to not “just be”, and it also over schedules us. Which leaves no downtime, for anyone. Hi, burnout!
  • Not taking time off to rest when sick

Certainly, there are standards by which we can and need to measure things in life. Those standards, though, do not indicate normal. Common? Yes. Typical? Sure. Normal? No.

In business, how many times in a week do we chalk something up to normal, only to come to the conclusion down the road that normal cost us time/money/product/customers? Normal can even cost us our reputations in business.  If you aren’t sure, spend a week observing how many times you say “normal” or assume something is “normal”.  Notice how many times you behave in a “normal” way, and then take a look at what you noticed. What is helpful and what is harmful? How can you change the stuff that isn’t helping?

As parents, have you ever said “We need to look like a normal family. Please don’t act up.”? I have when my kids were young. You know what I realized with that statement? It planted a seed of shame in my kids. I have struggled with knowing I said that, for years. I projected my own insecurities of being judged onto 2 human beings who didn’t know how to carry that kind of weight. If you are unsure, spend a week observing how many times you reference normal, and then at the end of the week, look at the information. What is helping, what is harming? How can you change what isn’t helping? Include your kids on this one. They love this kind of stuff and will help them learn how to be more aware as well!

Overall, how many times do we turn a blind eye to something, and say “Oh that is normal. It will be fine.”, when we could have spoken up about something we saw and knew wasn’t fine?

Normal is comfortable, not healthy and many times is not safe like we want to believe it is. Developing our situational awareness can help reduce the amount of times we turn a blind eye. If you would like more information on situational awareness programs, reach out to Brian Searcy, Col. (Ret) USAF, Paratus Group.

“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” ~ Dr. Wayne Dyer

If we want to be able to embrace and flow with change that is ever present in life, my recommendation is this:

Eliminate “normal”. 

Give yourself permission to not compare, to not do something just because it is what you were told was normal.  See what happens. Open up your curiosity, explore new ideas and new ways of doing things. Throw that normal box in the recycling bin. Stretch yourself beyond normal.

Be curious. Be human. Be non-conforming.

Be uniquely you. You are awesome.

Charity Buhrow has spent her life redefining her “normal” life, shifting it from an extrinsically motivated life to an intrinsically motivated life. The results have allowed her to be able to reclaim her zen, and now she helps others do the same. If you are ready to get out of that box of normal discomfort, and reclaim your own zen, connect with her here!

Categories
Growth Personal Development Women In Business

Predictions for 2022 – Women Claim Business Success As Free Agents!

The pandemic has provided women with a special opportunity to step back and reevaluate their priorities and commitments. As a global business mentor to successful women, my clients tell me every day about their urgent need for more professional freedom, income, flexibility, and fulfillment. These are powerful women who will not surrender their dreams and are actively claiming success as business free agents!

In its 2021 “Women in the Workplace” report, Lean In and McKinsey & Company found that 1 in 3 women have considered changing or leaving their jobs in the past year. Furthermore, Deloitte’s 2021 Women @ Work study found that 59% of women feel less optimistic about their career prospects today than before the pandemic. Surveys and statistics point to a major transformation occurring with women and work. Women want more agency, sovereignty, and freedom and are relentless in this pursuit.

Instead of committing decades of their lives to climb the traditional corporate ladder, millions of women are making the bold choice to become CEOs in their own C-Suite. They want more control and more opportunities to choose and scale their own ladders of success!

2022 is the year for women to be courageous and claim success as business free agents!

Free Agency has historically been associated with athletes and sports teams instead of executives and entrepreneurs. Free agents are generally considered to be self-determined and are free to sign a contract with any team or organization that meets their criteria for success. This is also true in the business world. Business free agents are entrepreneurs who can determine who, what, where, why, and how they conduct business. They are not bound by geographical, time zone, and location constraints. Free agents know that business success is created by executing solid strategic plans, delivering value, and transforming problems into positive solutions. The bigger the problems; the bigger the paycheck!

Typically, women pursue business free agency as entrepreneurs because they are managing work and family responsibilities and want more freedom and options. Later in life, women executives are seeking to transition out of corporate life and start a successful business on their terms. These “encore entrepreneurs” create thought leadership businesses to capitalize on their years of knowledge, experience, and relationships while converting these assets into financial equity and impact. Women are natural problem solvers and transformation agents, so they have a unique ability to start, grow and scale successful multi six-figure (annually, monthly or weekly) businesses.

To be a successful free agent, women need to become “A players” in their field of expertise. Leadership skills and confident competence are the “table stakes” of successful free agency as an entrepreneur. Every business owner needs to provide value to their clients while at the same time creating a profit for herself. Women owners do not have to be on the journey alone. Free-agent entrepreneurs can and must build a team to attract, retain and fulfill on their business brand and mission.

Being a solopreneur can be the first stop on the free-agent journey, but it does not have to be the destination. Growing a successful business means achieving more through a leveraged business model supported by a community of mentors, supporters, and advocates.

Women Are Claiming Business Success as Free Agents – Now!

What impact is the women’s free-agent entrepreneurial movement having on the US economy now? According to the Census Bureau’s Annual Business Survey (ABS), women now own 12.3 million businesses, approximately 42% of all US companies.

Women started 1,821 net new businesses every day in 2021 and generated $1.8 trillion this year in sales. To put things in perspective, there were around 402,000 female-owned businesses in 1972. The good news is that the number of women free agent entrepreneurs will grow in the coming years, according to business ownership statistics.

Why is this important for you? Essentially, it comes down to more opportunities. More women free-agent entrepreneurs translates to increased prospects for collaboration, partnership, new clients, innovation, and increased participation in the global economy. As it is often said, “With all women in the game and off the sidelines, we’ve got the “A players” on the field.” So, let’s play ball!

To support the ambitious growth of women free agents, I created C-Suite Network’s Women’s Success Council ™ (WSC) and Women’s Success School ™ (WSS). The WSC and WSS are innovative online communities dedicated to increasing our members’ success and free agency as business owners, CEOs, coaches, consultants, authors, speakers, and visionary leaders. We guide and mentor women to start, grow and scale successful businesses. We operate by the principles of collaboration over competition and “growing the pie, not just splitting it.”

We welcome you to learn more about the Women’s Success Council and the Women’s Success School at http://tinyurl.com/KathleenCaldwellLinkedIn or by contacting the founder, Kathleen Caldwell at 773.562.1061.

 

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