The Caring Effect – Celebrate and Reward Good Efforts

By Judith E. Glaser

 

Great leaders identify, measure, recognize, and reward meaningful efforts and achievements—and celebrate often with the people involved. Why should managers and leaders celebrate more? Creating a feeling of celebration helps meet people’s needs for inclusion, innovation, appreciation, and collaboration.

How might the disciplined practice of celebration change the culture? From my study of neuroscience, I know that celebration has a big impact because it literally works wonders in the brain. By releasing dopamine and other positive neurotransmitters, positive celebrations and intelligent conversations are not just ways of socializing and sharing information—they trigger healthy physical and emotional changes in the brain.

 

The Moment of Contact

Cultures either open you up to having healthy, trusting conversations or close you down so that you speak from fear, caution, and worry. As we communicate, we trigger neurochemicals that make us feel either good or bad, and we translate that inner experience into words, sentences, and stories. Feel good conversations trigger dopamine, oxytocin, endorphins and other chemicals that give us a sense of well-being.

When we converse with others, we are sharing our inner world, or sense of reality, validating reality with others, and measuring the levels of trust in our relationship to determine whether we can partner with others—and the quality of our conversations depends on how open or closed we feel at the moment of contact. The neurochemical reactions in our brains drive our states of mind, and these affect the way we build trusting relationships with others, how we communicate, and how we shape our relationships.

 

The Caring Effect

Our brains are designed to be social—and the need for celebration is greater than the need for safety. In fact, feeling socially excluded activates some of the same neural regions that are activated in response to physical pain. I refer to the various ways that leaders can celebrate and show appreciation, The Caring Effect. The opposite effect is manifest when people physically or emotionally check out.

When an employee begins to check out, managers often think of this person as uncooperative or unreasonable, which leads to counter-productive behaviors on the part of the manager—avoiding the person, talking judgmentally about them, or passing them over to HR for repair. This creates a vicious cycle: employee engagement continues to decline while the manager becomes exasperated with the employee’s performance until the tension is relieved—either by the boss deciding to fire the employee, the employee choosing to leave, or both resigning themselves to low satisfaction and performance.

Such negative behaviors signal that the social and psychological needs that drive performance are not being met. All people have deep-seated needs for meaning, purpose, connection, and inclusion that they want—and expect—to fulfill at work. How can you leverage your people’s social and psychological needs to fuel growth and productivity?

 

The Caring Effect… Take Five Steps Forward

The key is to use your Conversational Intelligence® (C-IQ)—your capacity to connect—to recognize social and psychological needs and translate this awareness into conversations that meet these needs.

Here are five steps you can take now:

            1:  Acknowledge people’s social and psychological needs. Our needs are sources of energy, motivation and engagement. Create a culture wherein people can meet the following seven needs:

1) Inclusion and belonging: we need to feel included and connected and in supportive relationships with others and be included in decisions that affect our job;

2) Appreciation and recognition: we need to be appreciated for our gifts, talents, and achievements and to recognize and appreciate others;

3) Challenge and achievement: we need to feel challenged to take risks and achieve results;

4) Trust and accountability: we need to feel that we can count on others to be fair and honest, clarify expectations, and be held accountable for results;

5) Growth and learning: we need to work where we can learn, grow and develop our skills and talents and contribute to organizational goals;

6) Power and control: we need to influence the results and actions we are accountable for; and

7) Meaning and purpose: we need to know that our work adds value, has meaning, and is part of something bigger than we are alone.

 

            Step 2: Model self-responsibility for meeting needs. Cultivate a culture of self-responsibility by expressing direct and timely feedback to others when their behavior detracts from your needs being met and by making clear requests regarding actions that they can take to better meet your needs. Also, asking them for feedback on whether your behavior is meeting their needs; if not, ask what needs are not being met and what actions they’d like you to take to better meet these needs.

 

            Step 3: Offer and accept support for identifying and meeting your needs. We often need help identifying our needs and support of others to meet them. As a leader, you can foster an environment in which people support each other in identifying and meeting their needs by offering support  (asking someone who appears distressed what’s going on that they  need help with) and accepting support  when it is offered.

 

            Step 4: Celebrate when needs are met.  Nothing builds momentum for continuing to meet these needs than celebrating the actions that lead to these needs being met. Celebrate the meeting of a need, and you can expect this need to become increasingly met going forward; fail to celebrate the meeting of a need and you demoralize the person.

 

            Step 5: Hire needs-intelligent employees.  Some employees may arrive to work intent on creating a sense of inclusion and belonging, while others may arrive resigned that they’ll never feel included. Identify those needs you want to meet in your culture and then hire people who have a strong connection to these needs and embody a sense of self-responsibility for ensuring that these needs are met.

In C-IQ cultures, people celebrate achievement often to meet their social and psychological needs in a healthy ways, resulting in higher morale and productivity.

 


ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Judith E. Glaser is CEO of Benchmark Communications, Inc. and Chairman of The Creating WE Institute. She is an Organizational Anthropologist, and consults to Fortune 500 Companies. Judith is the author of 4 best selling business books, including her newest Conversational Intelligence: How Great Leaders Build Trust and Get Extraordinary Results (Bibliomotion, 2013) Visit www.conversationalingelligence.com; www.creatingwe.com; jeglaser@creatingwe.com or call 212-307-4386.

Making Connections, Finding Your “Humor Being,” Achieving Excellence and Being Bad

March 07, 2017 10:00 ET

 

Best Seller TV’s March Programming Features Authors Lou Diamond, Steve Rizzo, Brigham Dickinson and Erika Andersen

NEW YORK, NY–(Marketwired – Mar 7, 2017) – Best Seller TV, one of the top online business shows on C-Suite TV, announces its March lineup featuring in-depth interviews with leading business authors Lou Diamond, author of Master the Art of Connecting, Steve Rizzo, author of Motivate This!: How to Start Each Day with an Unstoppable Attitude to Succeed, Regardless of Your Circumstances, Brigham Dickinson, author of Pattern for Excellence: Engage Your Team to WOW More Customers, and Erika Andersen, author of Be Bad First: Get Good at Things Fast to Stay Ready for the Future.

 

Lou Diamond, author of Master the Art of Connecting, talks about the difference between networking and connecting. He defines a network as the people you know, your contacts; whereas connecting means your main focus is working with someone you intend to have a longer, more meaningful relationship with. Increasing your network, he adds, means meeting more people, but everyone should strive to make more meaningful connections instead. Diamond, who has always had a talent of connecting with people, left a lucrative Wall Street career to become a business coach in order to help c-suite executives and companies understand what they want to do, where they want to take their business, and how to achieve that. He also cautions that in order to make a connection, people have to put the work in and adds, “If you really help people understand the power of connecting, you’re changing the world.”

 

Steve Rizzo, author of Motivate This!: How to Start Each Day with an Unstoppable Attitude to Succeed, Regardless of Your Circumstances, talks about how it’s easy to be motivated when things are going your way, but it’s when it’s difficult that people need to find the strength to get motivated. Rizzo, a former stand-up comedian for more than twenty years, wrote the book to encourage people from all walks of life to find their “humor being,” make conscious choices to enjoy themselves, find laughter, and use the power of thoughts to connect to a higher part of yourself. Rizzo says, “You have to become aware. Can’t fix something you don’t know is wrong.”

 

Brigham Dickinson, author of Pattern for Excellence: Engage Your Team to WOW More Customers, talks about what the ‘pattern of excellence’ is all about: being the best, taking your job seriously and showing people how to provide a great service to someone else. Dickinson recalls that writing the book came as “an accident,” after losing his marketing software business in the downturn economy of 2008. He became a student of the industry and began keeping a journal about all the things he learned, gathering enough valuable insight to write a book applicable to anyone who wants to be a perfectionist. The goal, Dickinson says, is to “take every moment you have and go above and beyond” in order to find fulfillment in your work while serving others.

 

Erika Andersen is the author of Be Bad First: Get Good at Things Fast to Stay Ready for the Future and talks about the key skill everyone should acquire: learn things quickly. She says, “In order to succeed at something, you’ll be bad at it first.” Andersen argues that people are normally bad at learning new things, because learning new skills requires them to put themselves in a vulnerable position. She states the way to overcome this is by saying, ‘I’m going to be bad at this, I’m new at this,’ and give yourself some leeway because no one is perfect at a skill they haven’t mastered. In regards to the c-suite, Andersen says that leaders need to “set the tone” — if leaders do something that’s outside their comfort zone, the employees will follow their lead and feel emboldened to step out of their comfort zone.

 

All episodes of Best Seller TV will air throughout the month on C-Suite TV and are hosted by TV personality, Taryn Winter Brill.

Best-selling author, speaker, and former Fortune 100 CMO Jeffrey Hayzlett created C-Suite TV to give top-tier business authors a forum for sharing thought-provoking insights, in-depth business analysis, and their compelling personal narratives.

“This month, we have a wide range of authors for every palate, including a former stand-up comedian,” Hayzlett said. “These authors provide a very high level of expertise and varied life experiences that, I hope, will inspire our audience to take their skills to the next level and exceed every expectation.”

For more information on TV episodes, visit www.csuitetv.com and for more information about the authors featured in Best Seller TV episodes, visit www.c-suitebookclub.com.

 


About C-Suite TV:
C-Suite TV, an entity of the C-Suite Network, is a web-based digital on-demand business channel featuring interviews and shows with business executives, thought leaders, authors and entrepreneurs providing news and information for business leaders. C-Suite TV is your go-to resource to find out the inside track on trends and discussions taking place in businesses today. This online channel is home to such shows as C-Suite with Jeffrey Hayzlett, Executive Perspectives Live and Best Seller TV, and more. C-Suite TV is part of C-Suite Network, the world’s most trusted network of C-Suite leaders. Connect with C-Suite TV on Twitter and Facebook.

Executive Briefings: Part 2 – Navigating the New Presidential Administration

• Jay Townsend, 
Political Consultant for The Townsend Group
• February 16th, 2017
• In this latter discussion of a two-part series, we will take an even deeper dive into how the Trump Administration and Republican Congress will impact business. Throughout Trump’s presidential term, many things will affect how we do business both inside and outside of US borders

 

C-Suite Network Announces New Elite Group of the Most Trusted Advisors to C-Suite Executives

February 13, 2017 10:53 ET

NEW YORK, NY–(Marketwired – Feb 13, 2017) – The C-Suite Network, the world’s most trusted network of C-Suite leaders, announced that they have built an established group of experts to advise their C-level members. The group is made up of select industry thought leaders who service C-Suite executives and enterprise businesses. These notable business experts and thought leaders consist of a mix of consultants, speakers, authors, podcasters, TV contributors, trainers and coaches.

 

The C-Suite Network strives to provide added value to their community of C-level executives through the C-Suite Advisor program. Each advisor has been carefully vetted to ensure they meet the brand standards and provide a service of value to members. Currently, the C-Suite Advisor program has experts in corporate recruiting, sales coaching, marketing, social media services, and more.

 

C-Suite Advisors

 

The program also provides value to its Advisors through networking and sales opportunities with C-Suite Network members, distribution of select content throughout C-Suite Network properties, expert council opportunities, and more. The C-Suite Network will also provide social media and marketing guidance to advisors when applicable.

 

“The C-Suite Advisor program is an excellent addition to our community for both our executives and our new advisors,” said Jeffrey Hayzlett, Primetime TV Host & Chairman C-Suite Network. Adding, “The C-Suite Network is designed to generate substantive discussions of key issues facing the C-Suite across the boardrooms of all industries, and through this group of C-Suite Advisors, I am confident we will help enhance the conversations happening in the C-Suites of the world’s most successful companies.”

 

C-Suite Advisors held its first membership meeting in December 2016 and will hold a series of meetings in 2017 kicking off in Dallas in May. If you’re interested in becoming a part of C-Suite Advisors, please reach out via our website: http://www.c-suiteadvisors.com/

 


About C-Suite Advisors:

C-Suite Advisors, the most trusted network of advisors to the C-Suite, is an elite group of select thought leaders, coaches, trainers, authors, speakers and content creators who service C-Suite executives and enterprise businesses. Each advisor is an expert in their industry and the network vets all applicants before they are accepted into the group. C-Suite Network is the world’s most trusted network of C-Suite leaders, with a focus on providing growth, development and networking opportunities for business executives with titles of vice president and above from companies with revenue of $5 million and above. Learn more at www.c-suitenetwork.com, or connect on LinkedIn, Twitter and Facebook.

Influence Redefined, Marketing Masters, Rebuilding the Fed & Female Empowerment

February 07, 2017 10:00 ET

Best Seller TV’s February Programming Features Female Authors Stacey Hanke, Connie Pheiff, Danielle DiMartino Booth, and Lea Woodford

NEW YORK, NY–(Marketwired – Feb 7, 2017) – Best Seller TV, one of the top online business shows on C-Suite TV, announces its February lineup featuring in-depth interviews with leading female business authors Stacey Hanke, author of Influence Redefined: Be The Leader You Were Meant to be, Monday to Monday, Connie Pheiff, author of Marketing Masters: Ready, Set, Grow Your Market, Danielle DiMartino Booth, author of Fed Up: An Insider’s Take on Why the Federal Reserve is Bad for America and Lea Woodford, author of Lead. Share. Empower: My Strategies for Success in Life and Business.

 

Stacey Hanke, author of Influence Redefined: Be The Leader You Were Meant to be, Monday to Monday, talks about how “true influence has to be Monday to Monday” in order for the process to remain consistent. Hanke also defines influence two ways: making sure the body language and messaging is congruent and creating a memorable experience by having people take action long after the initial interaction. She points out most people believe they’re more influential than they really are for two reasons: 1) the feedback received is flawed, and 2) the dissonance between how we feel vs actual facts. Hanke says “nice job” isn’t real feedback and encourages executives to record their speaking engagements so they can see and hear themselves through the eyes and ears of their audience. If they’re not constantly practicing and polishing themselves, they are sabotaging their own reality.

 

Connie Pheiff, author of Marketing Masters: Ready, Set, Grow Your Market, talks about creative marketing, merging old-school marketing with digital strategy and “friend-raising.” Phieff’s background is in the non-profit sector and the most common challenge they face is how to market without spending a lot of dollars, but still increase the bottom line. She says the solution is creative marketing, which she defines as “getting out, stepping out and getting to know your audience.” It’s about knowing what will make peoples’ lives easier, solve their pain points and putting “service before sales.” Once your audience sees you’re there for them, they’ll turn around and give you what you want. Phieff encourages making connections with people before you go asking them for money, which is what she refers to as “friend-raising.” She says, “Find out where your audience hangs out and go there.”

 

Danielle DiMartino Booth, author of Fed Up: An Insider’s Take on Why the Federal Reserve is Bad for America, talks about how the Federal Reserve should be “upended” and rebuilt from the inside out so it can benefit more people, not just Wall Street. The book is a candid tale from an insider’s perspective on how the Fed impacts everything Americans do, and aims to connect the dots, in layman’s terms, so that every generation — from millennials to baby boomers, understands the intricacies of the financial industry. DiMartino says that the financial crisis didn’t generate enough lessons for the government or Wall Street, but that, “the time has come to question orthodoxy.” DiMartino hopes the new administration can fill two current open seats at the Fed Board that will hopefully, reintroduce dissent.

 

Lea Woodford, author of Lead. Share. Empower: My Strategies for Success in Life and Business, wrote this book as a series of personal anecdotes — from divorce, to cancer and personal tragedies, and how she dealt with each of these obstacles. The book is a direct result of the encouragement Woodford received from her daughter; who urged her to use her contacts, experience, and influence to empower other women. Woodford says the book is for anyone in a dark place, going through a hard time or looking to make a transition in life. Writing became a cathartic process for Woodford and she hopes to inspire others that may feel “stuck” in life to make the best out of their situation and emerge with a positive outlook. She summed it up by saying, “Your attitude determines your altitude.”

 

All episodes of Best Seller TV will air throughout the month on C-Suite TV and are hosted by TV personality, Taryn Winter Brill.

Best-selling author, speaker, and former Fortune 100 CMO Jeffrey Hayzlett created C-Suite TV to give top-tier business authors a forum for sharing thought-provoking insights, in-depth business analysis, and their compelling personal narratives.

“This month’s all-female lineup brings a wealth of experience and knowledge to the table that’s unmatched,” Hayzlett said. “While the c-suite has predominately been a boy’s club, these women have turned the c-suite on its head and I think our audience will be wowed when they hear the stories and personal anecdotes these authors reveal.”

For more information on TV episodes, visit www.csuitetv.com and for more information about the authors featured in Best Seller TV episodes, visit www.c-suitebookclub.com.


About C-Suite TV:
C-Suite TV, an entity of the C-Suite Network, is a web-based digital on-demand business channel featuring interviews and shows with business executives, thought leaders, authors and entrepreneurs providing news and information for business leaders. C-Suite TV is your go-to resource to find out the inside track on trends and discussions taking place in businesses today. This online channel is home to such shows as C-Suite with Jeffrey Hayzlett, Executive Perspectives Live and Best Seller TV, and more. C-Suite TV is part of C-Suite Network, the world’s most trusted network of C-Suite leaders. Connect with C-Suite TV on Twitter and Facebook.

C-Suite Radio Adds 20 New Podcasts

C-Suite Radio will add more than 20 New Business Podcast Programs — New Premium Content for Business Leaders

 

New York, NY, February 1, 2017C-Suite Radio, the premier source for the world’s leading business podcasts for c-suite leaders, business executives, and entrepreneurs, announced an expansion of its radio platform by adding more than 20 new programs to its 2017 lineup, making C-Suite Radio the first business only podcast network.

 

Featuring premium content from top thought leaders, designed to increase knowledge, deepen understanding, and build skills to enhance listeners’ personal and professional lives.  Shows have been selected to be part of C-Suite Radio by an editorial review team and will be categorized by Headliner, Feature, and Showcase, based on show exclusivity, quality, and more.

 

“As a sought after educational platform for executives, we’re thrilled to be expanding C-Suite Radio and growing our library of content,” said C-Suite Network Chairman Jeffrey Hayzlett. “Each of the shows and their hosts are very talented and provide top notch business content that will be an asset to our audience.”

 

The following shows will join C-Suite Radio this year:

• Absolute Advantage hosted by Kelly Hatfield

• Accelerate hosted by Andy Paul

• All Business with Jeffrey Hayzlett

• Amazing Business Radio hosted by Shep Hyken

• The Avanti Entrepreneur Podcast hosted by David Mammano

• The Bell hosted by Adam Johnson

• Bizcast hosted by Kevin Craine

• The Bob Pritchard Show

• Business Builders hosted by Marty Wolff

• Business Matters hosted by Thomas White

• Businesses that Care hosted by Julie Ann Sulivan

• Conversations with Phil hosted by Phil Gerbyshak

• Crack the Customer Code hosted by Adam Toporek and Jeannie Walters

• The Female Insight Zone hosted by Maribeth Kuzmeski

• Marketing Today hosted by Alan Hart

• The Maximum Impact Podcast hosted by Allan Isfan

• Mere Mortals Unite hosted by Julie Ann Sullivan

• Mind Your Business hosted by Yitzchok Saftlas

• Nice Guys on Business hosted by Doug Sandler

• On the Schmooze hosted by Robbie Samuels

• SaaS Insider hosted by Shira Abel

• The TalentGrow Show hosted by Halelly Azulay

• The Top 1% Sellers Factory Podcast hosted by Ash Seddeek

• Uncopyable Ramblings hosted by Steve Miller

• Up or Out with Connie hosted by Connie Pheiff

 

Business radio hosts can submit their program to C-Suite Radio for review. Please visit the contact page at www.c-suiteradio.com.

 


About C-Suite Radio:

C-Suite Radio is the premier source of the world’s leading business podcasts for C-Suite leaders and business executives, featuring shows covering a range of topics, including sales, marketing, leadership, social media, finance, and management. C-Suite Radio features premium content from top thought leaders, designed to increase knowledge, deepen understanding, and build skills to enhance listeners’ personal and professional lives. Visit C-Suite Radio online and follow them on Facebook and Twitter.

 

For more information, visit http://www.c-suiteradio.com.

The Neurochemistry of Power Conversations

Leaders Who Activate Trust
By: Judith E. Glaser MS, MA, Marcia Ruben, Ph.D., Sandra Foster, Ph.D., & Debra Pearce-McCall, Ph.D.

 

Executive Summary

This distinctive blog post highlights the actions a boss can choose to directly impact their own neurochemistry, behaviors and expressions that promote a climate of trust and encourage co-creation among the team. The reader will discover straightforward explanations of the interplay of two crucial hormones – ‘oxytocin and cortisol’, supported by the latest research on the neuroscience behind conversations. The terms up-regulate and down-regulate clearly guide a boss in establishing the conversational intelligence that benefits partnerships, teams, business units, and can be socialized within an entire organization.

 

You will recognize this familiar situation: The boss has gathered all the teams reporting to business unit heads, including you, for a meeting. The boss wants everyone to “brainstorm” ideas that will eventually result in a major shift in your organization’s product focus. You dread this encounter. Your boss dictates the format of the meeting and how the discussion will be handled by speaking only to his favorite Business Unit Heads. He excludes other groups with his judgmental comments, even though he is well meaning, and wants to move the company past stagnant sales and poor customer feedback.

 

Put yourself in the shoes of one of the leaders who is being overlooked as part of the ‘inner circle’.  You know you have to be at the meeting, and although you have a terrific idea to suggest you again remind yourself not to speak up. You know from past experience the likelihood is high that your boss will sarcastically belittle the recommendations that come from your group. Your colleagues are encouraging you to speak up but you feel truly threatened. You expect that your boss will just exert his influence of “power-over” everyone and he’ll run his own agenda and your opinions will not be received very well – if at all. You feel very unsettled and anxious (your heart is pounding and you have a knot in your stomach) and this seems to override your intuition that your idea would be an important contribution.

What’s going on here? You have a good idea; your colleagues support you bringing it up; and yet when you anticipate or encounter a “power-over” boss, you shut down. Many people react to “power-over” communications by going into some version of fight, flight, or freeze, because they are experiencing a threat. Our body’s neurochemistry is activated first unconsciously (Liddell et al., 2005), and then consciously, by our perception, and fear, that our competence, or even our very being, is under threat.
The Neuroscience of Conversations

At our CreatingWE Institute, we have studied what is going on behind the scenes and in our minds when we engage with others in conversations. Our nervous systems are constantly evaluating the environment and making internal neurochemical adaptations that impact our range of feelings, thoughts, and behaviors – and most of all impact our conversations.

 

This automatic and out-of-awareness process has been termed “neuroception” (Porges, 2003) and describes the instant reading of cues and corresponding physiological shifts to neural states that support safety and healthy connection and conversation with others (associated with producing more oxytocin), or those neural states of defensiveness, or immobilization where unhealthy conversation is almost inevitable (these states are associated with higher levels of cortisol).

 

The quality and the impact or potential of the meetings we attend are affected by the neuroceptions of all the participants. Even having memories of “power-over” comments – which are often experienced as a disregarding tone of voice, and a felt sense of exclusion – can create a nervous system response to these feared future threats while simply anticipating the next meeting. And since we are social beings, automatically responding to perceived cues of relational safety or danger, we are very likely to carry this feeling and anticipation with us into the next meeting, influencing how we show up, how we influence and what we take away as our ‘beliefs’ and our ‘judgments’ about what ‘is true’ and ‘what will happen next’.

 

When we are connecting with others in non-judgmental ways, we are exercising higher levels of Conversational Intelligence® and a healthy balance of our connecting neurotransmitters emerges within us – including oxytocin, the bonding hormone.  When we feel we distrust others, and are not connecting in a healthy and non-judgmental way, we see an elevation in different hormones, for example, the neurotransmitter cortisol, considered the stress hormone, is secreted – and we may activate more cortisol by having the ‘self-appraisal or self-talk’ that we will be judged as wrong, or worse as stupid and not valued (Thagard & Wood, 2015).

 

Impact of Cortisol

Elevated levels of cortisol can exert a detrimental effect on the prefrontal cortex which mediates judgment and decision making, thus interfering with our ability to think clearly and express ourselves with confidence (Diorio, Viau, & Meaney, 1993), just when we need to do so most. Just the act of imagining ourselves being criticized publicly, in front of colleagues, elicits fear and a neurochemical shift. When we feel threatened and our thinking brain closes down, we are in what Daniel Goleman (1995) labeled an “Amygdala Hijack.” The amygdala (which alerts us and in this case signals “be afraid!”) exists in an ongoing dynamic interplay with the prefrontal cortex, the evolutionarily newest, and front and center areas of our brains, essential for our best work. Just seeing a face that we perceive as untrustworthy can trigger even higher levels of cortisol and amygdala activation (Said, Baron, & Todorov, 2009). The team member, the boss, and the organization all lose when a good idea gets lost due to an amygdala hijack!

 

So what, Now what!

Leaders like the boss described invariably mean well. They are action-oriented and have been rewarded for getting results. As they have moved up the ranks, they take their go-getter behaviors with them and can become bosses that exert “power-over” rather than “power-with” behaviors as they engage with their organizations. Unwittingly, they shut down the creativity and ideas of their team, and they sabotage the results that they so desperately want to create with others. Team members with good ideas stay silent. The team can feel stuck, stagnant, or destructively competitive.

 

From Power-Over to Power-With

What can a leader do to transform this dictating or “power-over” stance to a “power-with” environment, one in which team members feel safe and feel free to offer their ideas even in challenging meetings or other workplace conversations. When leaders and their direct reports work together to ‘down-regulate’ fear and distrust, and ‘up-regulate’ ‘appreciation and trust’, everyone’s internal environment and chemistry shifts and the conversational environment feels safe, so the prefrontal cortex opens up – enabling what we call Co-creating Conversations®– which foster co-creating solutions amongst the team.

 

Taking Next Steps…

  1. Leaders can start by understanding how their interactions with others activate neurochemistry – and how neurochemistry triggers emotions and impacts how we make decisions, how we engage with others, and the quality and effectiveness of what we can accomplish with others.

 

  1. Next Leaders can understand how to up-regulate Oxytocin and down-regulate Cortisol: Let’s focus in on two key neurochemicals that reflect whether people are feeling stressed and defensive, or whether they are feeling safe to engage. The hormones called cortisol and oxytocin work in balance almost like a seesaw, corresponding to stress or a positive state, respectively (Heinrichs, Baumgartner, Kirschbaum, & Ehlert, 2003). Both a leader’s stance and their behaviors can increase (up-regulate) cortisol and decrease (down-regulate) oxytocin when those around the leader feel stressed (McEwen, 2006).

 

  1. Next, Leaders can intentionally shift a fear-based environment to a co-creating environment: Research evidence suggests that a leader’s behaviors can also decrease cortisol and increase oxytocin (Zak, Kurzban, & Matzner, 2005). In a review of oxytocin research, Carter, Harris and Porges (2009) summarize that research suggests oxytocin not only supports our social engagement, it decreases fear and even increases stress tolerance, expanding the neuroception of safety.

Leaders who understand the shifts they need to make, to elevate Conversational Intelligence in their relationships and teams and organizations, are the ‘game changers’ of the future.

 

We are at a time in our evolution, where we now know how to activate the healthiest, and most powerful states in others…. Not only can this influence our meetings, it can influence how we think together, behave together, and influence together, whether we are in a meeting, or in any difficult conversation about to happen.

 

How can leaders activate trust?

Think back to the example at the beginning of this blog—the team member with the excellent idea who was afraid to speak up because of a boss that demonstrated power-over behaviors. In this example the impact of ‘judging others in the room’ resulted in an increase in cortisol, and the loss of a potentially golden idea. The authors have all had the opportunity to coach such leaders. We find that when they understand the basics of the brain and neurochemistry, and how to both down-regulate cortisol producing behaviors, and also up-regulate oxytocin producing behaviors, incredibly powerful and significant changes occur not just in one leader  – but also in whole teams and organizations!

 


 

Judith E. Glaser is CEO of Benchmark Communications, Chairman of the Creating WE Institute, Organizational Anthropologist, and consultant to Fortune 500 Companies and author of four best- selling business books, including Conversational Intelligence: How Great Leaders Build Trust and Get Extraordinary Results (Bibliomotion). Visit www.conversationalintelligence.com; www.creatingwe.com; email jeglaser@creatingwe.com or call 212-307-4386.

Marcia Ruben, Ph.D., PCC is the President of Ruben Consulting Group, a San Francisco Bay Area firm that specializes in executive leadership development. Dr. Ruben is also the Chair of the Management Department at Golden Gate University and teaches graduate level, practitioner based courses in leadership, team dynamics, management, and executive coaching. She was awarded the Russell T. Sharpe Professorship for 2016-2018 and is focusing her research on leadership and neuroscience.

Debra Pearce-McCall, Ph.D., LP, LMFT provides personal and organizational coaching that integrates mind, brain, and relating, and is a Senior Consultant for the Creating WE Institute. Dr. Pearce-McCall helped found the Global Association for Interpersonal Neurobiology (IPNB) Studies as well as the first graduate certificate program in this cutting-edge field at the intersection of psychology, neuroscience, and human systems; she focuses on IPNB applications for leadership and organizations, adult well-being, healthcare, and ethics.

Sandra Foster, Ph.D., PCC is a business coach and peak performance psychologist who works internationally with global organizations as well as US based technology and energy companies. She received her doctorate at Stanford University where she served on the regular and adjunct faculty. Since 2001, she has been a member of the senior faculty of the College of Executive Coaching.

 


References

Carter, C. S., Harris, J., & Porges, S. W. (2009). Neural and evolutionary perspectives on empathy. In J. Decety & W. Ickes (Eds.), The social neuroscience of empathy (pp. 169-182). Cambridge, MA: MIT Press
Diorio, D., Viau, V., & Meaney, M. J. (1993). The role of the mdial prefrontal cortex (cingulate gyrus) in the regulation of hypothalamic-pituatary-adrenal response. Journal of Neuroscience, 13(9), 3839-3847.
Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional intelligence: why it can matter more than IQ. New York: Bantam Books.
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Heinrichs, M., Baumgartner, T., Kirschbaum, C., & Ehlert, U. (2003). Social support and oxytocin interact to suppress cortisol and subjective responses to psychosocial states. Biological Psychiatry, 54(12), 1389-1398.
Liddell, B. J., Brown, K. J., Kemp, A. H., Barton, M. J., Das, P., Peduto, A., Willams, L. M. (2005). A direct brainstem-amygdala-cortical ‘alarm’ system for subliminal signals of fear. Neuroimage, 24(1), 235-243.
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It’s Not About You, It’s About the Team

January 03, 2017 10:00 ET

C-Suite TV Talks Looking for Leaders In The Right Places, What Top Salespeople Do Differently, and Out of this World Customer Experiences

 

Best Seller TV’s January Programming Features Authors Matthew Paese, Lee Bartlett, Colin Shaw, and Scott Love

NEW YORK, NY–(Marketwired – Jan 3, 2017) – Best Seller TV, one of the top online business shows on C-Suite TV, is kicking off the new year with new episodes featuring in-depth interviews with leading business authors Matthew Paese, author of Leaders Ready Now: Accelerating Growth in a Faster World, Lee Bartlett, author of The No. 1 Best Seller: A Unique Insight into the Mind, Strategy and Processes of a Top Salesman, Colin Shaw, author of The Intuitive Customer: 7 Imperatives for Moving Your Customer Experience to the Next Level and Scott Love, author of Why They Follow: How to Lead with Positive Influence.

 

Matthew Paese, author of Leaders Ready Now: Accelerating Growth in a Faster World, talks about how leadership isn’t a specific set of skills that can be found in one place. Leadership is about individuals who fit with your culture and supply the organization with what it needs, not about who is the loudest or has more pizzazz. Paese encourages c-suite executives to look for leaders in non-traditional places, adding that finding the right people requires objectivity and settling on a definition on what “potential” means — as he considers it an “amorphous concept worldwide.” Since everyone has a different definition, organizations need to sort out the most critical qualities to look for early on in someone’s career, but cautions against focusing on just performance. He says, “Good performance won’t predict good, future leadership.”

 

Lee Bartlett, author of The No. 1 Best Seller: A Unique Insight into the Mind, Strategy and Processes of a Top Salesman, talks about sales excellence and specific things top salespeople do differently that helps them excel. Bartlett says that the book’s focus isn’t on sales techniques, but on what he calls the “glue” — or how a sales person takes those techniques and combines them with mindset and strategy, allowing them to consistently move to the top of the sales organization.

 

Barlett believes that one way to stand out in an often crowded sales field is to make it personal and warns about a common mistake salespeople make — failing to understand that the sales process is not about them, but about the customer. Sales professionals must be interested in the needs and expectations of the buyers; otherwise, they might not be in the best position to succeed and create more revenue.

 

Colin Shaw, author of The Intuitive Customer: 7 Imperatives for Moving Your Customer Experience to the Next Level, talks about the mistake many organizations make when trying to take the customer experience to the next level. Shaw says that organizations plateau because they tend to focus mostly on the rational aspects of customer service, casting aside the emotional and irrational parts of the overall experience. He says that companies assume “Customers buy rationally, but what we do is we buy emotionally and justify it with logic.” Taking the customer service experience to the next level involves behavioral economics — understanding how customers are feeling and thinking about the emotions organizations want to evoke in customers. A key aspect, he says, becomes which emotion the organization wants to evoke in their customers and making sure those emotions, in return, drive value.

 

Scott Love, author of Why They Follow: How to Lead with Positive Influence, talks about the concept of leadership and how companies can increase retention by focusing on building loyalty between a boss and their employees. He says that people often turn down better, high paying opportunities because they have a positive relationship with their boss, one level up. How can managers develop that type of loyalty? By leading, not on authority, but on personal leadership. Managers who take the time to tell employees why their work matters, give them feedback and tell them how their work makes a difference, achieve that loyalty. Love says that “followable leaders get more engagement out of employees.” If your employees don’t think you’re “followable,” they’ll only give the minimum effort. Managers must also remember that it’s always about the team and the goal. It’s “about accomplishing the mission by harnessing and guiding the intrinsic motivations of those employees and the accomplishment of the collective goal,” Love says.

 

All episodes of Best Seller TV will air throughout the month on C-Suite TV and are hosted by TV personality, Taryn Winter Brill.

Best-selling author, speaker, and former Fortune 100 CMO Jeffrey Hayzlett created C-Suite TV to give top-tier business authors a forum for sharing thought-provoking insights, in-depth business analysis, and their compelling personal narratives.

“We’ve hit the ground running this new year at C-Suite TV. Our guests this month have amassed a great deal of experience and knowledge in leadership, customer service, and sales,” Hayzlett said. “Our authors offer practical, every-day advice that anyone can follow and apply to their daily lives. No one makes it to the top alone, so I’m excited for our audience to tune in and learn about taking the next step in their careers.”

 

For more information on TV episodes, visit www.csuitetv.com and for more information about the authors featured in Best Seller TV episodes, visit www.c-suitebookclub.com.

 


About C-Suite TV:
C-Suite TV, an entity of the C-Suite Network, is a web-based digital on-demand business channel featuring interviews and shows with business executives, thought leaders, authors and celebrities providing news and information for business leaders. C-Suite TV is your go-to resource to find out the inside track on trends and discussions taking place in businesses today. This online channel is home to such shows as C-Suite with Jeffrey Hayzlett, Executive Perspectives Live and Best Seller TV, and more. C-Suite TV is part of C-Suite Network, the world’s most powerful network of C-Suite leaders. Connect with C-Suite TV on Twitter and Facebook.

Modeling in NYC – Industry vs Self Worth

New York City is one big (well, not so big) pool filled with beautiful people. And the truth is, we’re all trying to make it BIG in the Big Apple. Whatever your industry is in NYC, I guarantee you’re facing or have faced competition for that spot or position. But it is not the competition that brings us here or keep us here, but the feeling of “I Conquered NY!” To really be successful in this city, means you’ve made it to the big leagues. I’m talking NY YANKEES big baby! Wohooo!

 

Ok, back to reality. Let’s first talk about the actuality of making it. From my experience, being not just a model but a working model in this city and getting paid work, I’ve noticed how hard it is for some of us to get work. I mean, let’s face it. There are a lot of models in NY. But how many are actually working? How many are actually paying taxes via 1099 each year with the profession “Model” as their actual means of income for the year? New York is a tough city with a lot to give. But, it also takes a lot from you before it starts to give you anything. Therefore, you must be up for the challenge and be willing to adjust something to gain anything. A lot of models come to NY thinking that they will be gainfully booked or paid here by being pretty – and that’s just not the case. Pretty are a million by the dozen here. I’ve booked gigs for some of the largest worldwide brands and national campaigns from being the 1st human being to ever be inside Macy’s windows live to being the only non celebrity in a room filled with NBA stars, Jay-Z and A-list celebrities. Was it my look, my personality, or the fact that the agency knows I’m not celebrity crazed and won’t embarrass them? All the above!

 

So What Makes You So Special?

Is it your look? Yes, that helps a lot, but what keeps you working is your personality, punctuality, politeness and sense of gratitude. I’ve worked with a lot of pretty girls I never saw again, simply because of their attitude. Sometimes the attitude is from them feeling “I’m too pretty for this” or “I really don’t want to work” and that shows. The photographers see it, the agency sees it and most importantly – the client who picked them out of many girls whose photos were submitted or showed up to the initial casting. So, being a “Working Model” in NYC means you have to have a sense of gratitude for working, be polite, be respectful and most importantly be willing to put in the energy and time to go to endless castings, networking events, updating your portfolio etc. Just like any other business, you have to put the time in to get work. Though your beauty leads, your attitude follows. Remember that. But in all of it, don’t give up. Keep going, keep working because you never know which lame gig might lead you to the most awesome gig ever!

While you’re happy to work and grateful to be considered for gigs, this doesn’t mean you should take any gig if it makes you uncomfortable or go against your beliefs. I want you to make yourself, not lose yourself. There’s a chapter my the book “Think Highly Of Yourself” which is titled Industry VS. Self Worth (Chapter 4). I mention aspects of the modeling industry which include what you’re paid as opposed to what you could be getting paid.

 

“Have you ever heard of Super Models not getting out of bed unless the check is over $10,000 or above? If only that was the reality of a model’s life.” —Keeke Kawaii

 

Think Highly Of Yourself

Stop any working model in NYC walking down the street and ask them. I guarantee you they’d tell you how they really feel about having to scramble for auditions, nervously waiting for a call back, panicking if they did well in the audition room. Many were left wondering “did I mess up?”, or “did they like me?” But more importantly they thought, “did I book the job?”, “when will they call?” and “I need to pay this expensive rent!” It’s not an easy industry. It is one of the most glamorous, yet one of hardest industry to break in to. But once you’re in, it’s fun! You can do it. If you really seek it, then it has no choice but to seek you. Just don’t lose yourself while on the verge to find your way there. Don’t allow any agency to make you feel as if they’re doing you a favor by finding you work. You’re an asset to them and they need you as much as you need them. Don’t allow anyone on site to make you feel less of yourself. You can always walk away and God will always provide the right gig for you. Always remember that. Good luck and I hope you make it!

 

If you read this, tweet me @KeekeKawaii and let me know how your audition went! Xo!

 


About the Author

Keeke is one of NYC’s most booked spokesmodel who has represented some of the world’s largest brands from Nike to Microsoft. But that is not all there is to her. She’s talented in the arts by doing voice overs, acting, and a linguist who speaks 5 languages and is constantly trying to learn other languages along the way. She’s a mentally strong female who has overcome traumatic events in her early life as well as neglect as a child. Escaping an abusive relationship with no family present to support; she developed an unbreakable force of strength which lead her to the ability to read people’s energy and intentions very well as she had to do this in efforts to protect her heart from disappointments which she had previously encountered. Due to her life’s experiences, she was hastened to become this independent young lady making it in NYC. Now, Keeke Kawaii, born Keema Kelley, has become an infectious individual possessing an aura that attracts people from all walks of life and won the hearts of many! Keeke’s philosophy and deep internal desire is to encourage everyone despite their background and past experiences. She strives to uplift them from any negative thoughts, despite what they were told by anyone in the past or present. She wants her life to be a blessing to those she encounters!

3 Chemistry Lessons – Gaining Conversational Intelligence

By Judith E. Glaser

 

We are all familiar with the ‘chemistry’ factor in relationships and the chemical attraction metaphor; however, we are now learning that our insights about the chemical nature of relationships and conversations are more than a metaphor—they are a reality!

 

For many decades, I’ve been intrigued by the chemical impacts—both positive and negative—that conversations have on us.  I married a biochemist and for decades we’ve shared lots of conversations about our work. When we first wrote about the “Neurochemistry of Positive Conversations” for Harvard Business Review and Psychology Today, we received confirmation that we were on to something important.

 

Positive comments and positive conversations provide a chemical “high,” and yet negative ones stick with us much longer. A critique from a boss, a disagreement with a colleague, or a fight with a friend can make you forget praise.  If you are called lazy, careless or unprofessional, you are likely to remember it and internalize it, making it not very easy to forget, and discounting all the times people say you’re talented.

 

Chemistry plays a big role in this reaction. When we face criticism, rejection or fear, when we feel marginalized or minimized, our bodies produce higher levels of cortisol, a hormone that shuts down the thinking center of our brains and activates conflict aversion and protection behaviors. We become more reactive and sensitive. We often perceive greater negativity than exists. These effects can last for days, imprinting the interaction on our memories and magnifying its impact on our future behavior. Cortisol functions like a sustained release tablet—the more we ruminate about fear, the longer the impact.

 

Positive comments and positive conversations also produce a chemical reaction. They spur the production of oxytocin—a feel-good hormone that elevates our ability to collaborate, communicate, and trust others by activating networks in our prefrontal cortex. But, since oxytocin metabolizes faster than cortisol, its effects are less dramatic and sustainable.

 

Chemistry of Conversations

This ‘chemistry of conversations’ is why we need to be more mindful of our interactions. Behaviors that increase cortisol levels reduce our conversational intelligence or C-IQ—our ability to connect and think innovatively, empathetically, creatively and strategically with others. Remember: behaviors that spark oxytocin boost C-IQ.

 

When we partnered with Qualtrics, the online survey software company, to analyze the frequency of negative (cortisol-producing) versus positive (oxytocin-producing) interactions, we found that managers appear to be using positive, oxytocin and C-IQ elevating behaviors more often than negative behaviors. Survey respondents said that they exhibited all five positive behaviors, such as ‘showing concern for others’ more frequently than all five negative ones, such as ‘pretending to be listening.’ However, about 85 percent of respondents also admitted to sometimes acting in ways that could derail not only specific interactions but also future relationships. And, when leaders exhibit both behaviors, they create dissonance or uncertainty in followers’ brains, spurring cortisol production and reducing C-IQ.

 

If you tend to tell and sell your ideas and challenge people to produce results, your negative (cortisol-producing) reactions could easily outweigh positive (oxytocin-producing) reactions. Instead of asking questions to stimulate discussion, showing concern for others and painting a compelling picture of shared success, you tend to enter discussions with a fixed opinion, determined to convince others you are right. You are not open to others’ influence—and you fail to listen to connect.

 

always_never-graph

 

This graph is from our Creating WE Institute Research into the Chemistry of Conversations. Red bars = cortisol producing, Green bars = oxytocin producing. The highest red bar is “focusing on convincing others.” Not only is it done more often, its impact is 26 times that of the oxytocin producing behaviors—suggesting that this one act alone can cause a relationship or sales engagement to go south.

 

Chemistry In Leadership

When managers and leaders learn about the chemical impacts of their behavior, they tend to make changes—for example, they learn to deliver difficult feedback in a way that is perceived as inclusive and supportive, thereby limiting cortisol production and stimulating oxytocin instead.

 

As we become mindful of the behaviors that open us up and those that close us down, and their influence in our relationships, we can better harness the chemistry of conversations. Mindfulness about our conversational impact enables us to get on the same page with others, strengthens our relationships – and expands our potential for higher levels of engagement and innovation. Without healthy conversations, we shrivel up and die. Conversations are the source of energy that moves us out of our doldrums when we are sad, the power that launches transformational products, and the golden threads that enable us to trust others. But these threads can be fragile and also unravel, causing us to run from others in fear of loss and pain. Conversations are the way we connect, engage, navigate, and transform the world with others.

 

“The quality of our culture depends on the quality of our relationships, which depends on the quality of our conversations. Everything happens through conversations.” The most powerful ‘leadershift’ we can make is to realize that each person has the power to create the conversational space that creates deeper understanding and engagement, not fear and avoidance.

 

Three Chemistry Lessons

Remember these three chemistry lessons:

 

1. Be mindful of your conversations and the emotional content you bring—either pain – which closes the brain, or pleasure which opens the brain. Are you sending friend or foe messages? Are you sending the message “You can trust me to have your best interest at heart” or “I want to persuade you to think about things my way?” When you’re aware of these meta-messages, you create a safe culture that allows all parties to interact collaboratively, sharing perspectives, feelings, and aspirations and elevating insights and wisdom.

 

2. Conversations trigger emotional reactions. Conversations carry meaning—and meaning is embedded in the listener even more than in the speaker. Words cause us either to bond and trust more fully, thinking of others as friends and colleagues, or to break rapport and think of others as enemies. Your mind will open as you see the connection between language and health, and you’ll learn how to create healthy organizations through your conversational rituals.

 

3. Note that the words we use in our conversations are rarely neutral. Words have histories informed by years of use. Each time a new experience overlays another meaning on a word, the information all gets collected in our brains to be activated during conversations. Knowing how you project meaning into your conversations will enable you to connect with others and, in so doing, let go of much of the self-talk that diverts you from working together effectively.

 


Judith E. Glaser is CEO of Benchmark Communications, Inc., Chairman of The Creating WE Institute, an Organizational Anthropologist, consultant to Fortune 500 Companies, and author of four best selling business books, including Conversational Intelligence: How Great Leaders Build Trust and Get Extraordinary Results (Bibliomotion).  Call 212-307-4386, visit www.conversationalingelligence.com; www.creatingwe.com; jeglaser@creatingwe.com